February, 2007

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2/1/07 - In the DG last night we discussed my latest dream, as well as several others' dreams. Info or insights about my "new guy on the spot" dream follow:

  • There is a remarkable and positive change represented in the contrast between this dream and my presenting dream or dreams (that involved huge, out of control geological forces).

  • 4 suggests manifestation of reality.

  • The multiplicity of 2s (two blends of two, etc.) suggest great dawning awareness (at least 2 squared).

  • It is another ego dream, but the anxiety of the ego is over false issues and so does not matter.

  • Yes, I identify with this anxious ego's circumstance and think I cannot do or perform well enough (or even at all) in the circumstances that present themselves, but the dream is really about my being about to graduate and to give a polished presentation extemporaneously and spontaneously, based on a program or course of study that I am, as if without even realizing it, already completing.

  • It is just that the ego does not yet "get it." But in fact the dream shows excellent integration is and has been taking place.

  • In addition, the integration is with very powerful inner allies or aspects of myself, the anima and animus, my shadow figures or selves, that are extremely capable.

  • Qualities of the combined animus (active energy, "doing," male) shadow character, which in turn suggest at least certain similar dispositions within me, include: as extroverted as "I" am introverted; up-and-comers; into business; practical; easily able to wing it or think on their feet or be extemporaneous and speak spontaneously for as long as anyone cares to listen; "into" meditation in a very disciplined way; smart with money; at ease with people; possessing lots of creative ideas for how to adjust to life; highly intelligent; able to complete a PhD; well prepared.

  • Qualities of the combined anima ("being" energy, ultimately even stronger than "doing" energy, female) shadow character, which also suggest at least certain similar dispositions within me, include: (they too are) as extroverted as "I" am introverted; brilliant; able to learn foreign languages, even Greek (though "I" think it is all Greek to me!); quite intuitive and insightful; personable; also able to easily wing it and to speak "off the top of the head" and "at the drop of a hat;" terribly curious about things; good teacher; good nurturer; politically activist (on the left); successful; well integrated; balanced; really on top of things and "together;" also very "into" esoteric ways of growing and being; able to make great leaps of growth within the inner landscape; a writer.

  • There is nothing more I need to "do" or prepare for, since I am at my best if I just get my ego out of the way and wing it. And for that, I am now ready!

2/2/07 - Title: "Alas, I've Lost My Ginger-Haired Lass!"

I saw a child [about ten years old, a girl, with red hair and wearing a long, old-fashioned, plain brown dress] caught in a torrent and hurtling downstream till out of sight. One moment she was looking at me and standing in a small, dry, limestone creek canyon, the rocky crevice not even quite as deep as she was tall, and the next a wall of turbulent water had rushed down the space between the shallow rock walls and swept her away. I started to run downstream, as if to save her, but the water was so much faster that I realized it was hopeless.

[Ginger Rogers might have looked like the red-haired girl as a child. I sort of had a mild crush on her, just from the movies. The dream is also reminiscent of the old "Little Orphan Annie" cartoon character. I used to read those cartoon strips when I was about 7-8 years old.]

2/7/07 - Title: "Revisionist History"

Everything is rapidly occurring in an intensely urban, cramped setting, as in the movie, "Brazil." And there's this first-time candidate for president, named "Bush." He and his election organization are becoming more and more powerful, so that it looks like he'll win, and then God help us, because he and his team are taking over in dangerous ways nobody would ever think of. I have a new friend who looks like a young Bette Midler, but later I am really shocked and disappointed to discover she has been giving George W. blow-jobs. This was occurring right out in the open, in a crowded, claustrophobic, downtown market scene or median space, the sex being done adjacent to where there are some beggars asking for hand-outs, vendors hawking snacks, and a shoe-shine stand in use. Later, I am thinking somebody else ought to know about my former friend's favors to George. [After all, something similar almost destroyed the presidency of the last guy in the White House, and wouldn't it be great if this revelation could keep George W. from being elected, before he did any real harm!]. But meanwhile George's organization is insidiously taking over. I learn of one of its dirty tricks: using special, invasive software, his [political] machine has captured the computer systems of millions of US businesses and individuals. People find out there is a problem when they try to print something, and their printers will only work some of the time. It turns out George W.'s machine tells when and what to print. Happily, though, people are catching on and don't like it, as his manipulations are causing everyone great difficulties and messing everything up. As a result, he's becoming less popular. It now appears he won't be elected after all. I realize I was too pessimistic and not giving the electorate enough credit. But now, with relief, I see that of course they wouldn't elect someone like George W. Bush!

2/8/07 - After a festive pot-luck supper and a send-off for one of our members who is about to move to a far northern state, the DG discussion last night included my recent Bush dream. Insights from this and related topics included:

  • The dream is not really so much about George W. Bush as it is about a shrewd, self-centered shadow among my own various aspects, one with characteristics very like those of the current US President.

  • It is also about my brother, Horace, whom I perceive as being even more like George W. and as in some ways an unscrupulous danger to our family and to its potential estate. He is also now in competition with me for influence in the family.

  • The Bette Middler-like anima character in the dream is seen as a talented actress.

  • Both the median center for the Bette character performing oral sex on George W. and she herself (i.e. her name) represent a bet I feel I am making on the middle or median way, one that would be seen by the rest of the family as more acceptable than Horace's aggressive, self-serving approaches. He is willing to take money from Mom and others in somewhat unethical ways to enhance his own or his family's situation.

  • My approach seems more middle of the road or moderate than Horace's as well in that my politics and philosophy are less extreme. He, perhaps like George W., is highly conservative, tends to criticize folks (with opposing viewpoints) without much regard for the facts, is very much of the right wing, likes to go around wearing a gun (allegedly for protection), and is a fanatically conservative Christian, thinking that what he believes is supported by God and that folks who do not agree with him are going to Hell.

  • The oral sex seems shocking to the ego, but it is only sleazy in appearance. It is not the same as a blow-job in reality, but reflects that I feel it is necessary to be nice to people in my family, like Horace and Pete, whom I do not much respect or like, in the same way that a diplomat must maintain good relations with fellow diplomats of countries that are actually enemies of his country.

  • The bet is that this combination of keeping to a moderate, middle-of-the-road stance while, like Bette Midler, playing the role well (of being nice to or having good relations with others in the family), is likely to lead to the family as a whole supporting my position over Horace's in a future showdown or climax over whose influence will most prevail, as when Mom is terminally ill or has just died so that the estate administrator/executor duties would kick in, duties Horace would prefer to have as his own.

  • The concern is not that George W. might get more and more power, but that Horace may be gaining power and control, and ultimately win more unearned control in our family or wealth of Mom's or the family's.

  • It is good, then, that toward the end of the dream there is the sense that he is losing influence.

  • It would be well, though, to own up to the aspects in myself that are like the less savory sides of George W. or of Horace, for, if nothing else, I'll need to be ready for clashes of will or influence with people who might attempt to take advantage of those (such as Mom) who are more innocent, less wary.

  • An interesting coincidence is that, the afternoon after my morning dream, about computer systems being taken over and controlled by a distant machine, it was reported that there had just been the most successful, potentially dangerous, and successful attack since 2002 on the computer systems that make the internet possible.

  • On another matter, more relevant to some earlier dream themes, it was noted in the DG tonight that another way of being nurturing, besides rearing children, is to prepare and serve food for others. I might consider gradually adding to a repertoire of entrees I can prepare, as fixing a new meal once a week for myself and Frances or for others.

2/11/07 - Title: "Lost, Needing to Pee, & About to Miss My Eye Appointment"

I'm in a huge, multi-storied, multi-tower medical center complex with my dog, Puff. Almost everything (walls, floors, etc.) is white. I'm here because I have something wrong with my vision and a lady* from dream group (not actually) works for or is friends with a famous eye doctor. She's gotten me a 1:30 appointment with him. She even shows me right where his medical suite is.

However, once we arrive, about 1:00, I first badly need to pee and cannot find a restroom there. Also, even though everybody is charmed by Puff, the dog cannot stay with me in the exam. I must put her in her kennel at another center location. Thinking I have barely enough time, I leave the eye doctor suite to pee but get lost and still do not find a bathroom. In trying to locate it, I go into an incorrect suite, where people are alarmed I'm in the wrong place and with Puff. I quickly leave there.

I accidentally meet my nephew Hank who's glad to see me and says typically one- and two-syllable word conversational things, as in the movie, "Rocky." He likes Puff. I try to quickly explain that I'm in a hurry. He's hurt that after so long not seeing me I'm just rushing off, but I leave anyway.

I find my way to Puff's kennel and leave her in it. I forget that the doctor's name and office directions were in the kennel for safekeeping. I leave (without them) to return for the app't.

It is now 1:26. I've no idea how to get back to the doctor's office for my 1:30 appointment in 4 minutes. I head off, though, still needing to pee, hoping for the best, realizing that only extreme good fortune or brilliant intuition can get me there in time, but expecting neither. I am so sorry that it looks like I'll disappoint the dream group lady who had arranged everything for my eye treatment.

[*who looks like a famous, older German, Austrian, and/or Jewish character actress, whose name I've forgotten, but who plays people who are generally: genteel; reserved; well connected; helpful; serious; intellectual; punctual; well organized; efficient; and officious]

2/15/07 - Title: "Our Rooms Are Ready But Still Contain [Bits of the Deceased] Prior Occupants"

There has been a flood and/or explosion such that thousands or millions of bits of flesh from dead people and animals are now throughout the furnishings and appliances, even inside all the workings of the machinery, etc. They all must be cleaned out or up or replaced before the accommodations and appliances can be put back into normal use.

We go into our apartment, suite, or small house, that supposedly has been cleaned up, but Fran and I quickly find a few bits of residual flesh still lying about here and there on or in the carpet, furnishings, or appliances and machinery.

Last night the DG discussed my prior dream (2/11), about missing an eye appointment, etc. These insights or tidbits of new info resulted:

  • The 4 represents the manifestation (or expression) of reality (or personal truth).

  • Even though there is a theme in the dream of needing an eye (I) appointment (some positive change in the ego), there is no tragedy that the appointment is missed. The dreams are entirely for the holistic health of the individual, so there is no such thing as a really bad dream, in the sense of one causing an irredeemably negative situation. For the ego to need treatment or correction or rebalancing and not be able to get it would be such an irredeemable circumstance, so that is not the case here. Rather, there will be other opportunities for an ego "attitude" adjustment.

  • But an even more powerful theme of the dream is the need for personal expression ("to pee"). This urge is so strong that it is paramount and distracts from everything else, so there is confusion about locations, priorities, etc.

  • Expression can take any of many forms: speaking; writing; art; drama; etc. One needs, though, to find the style(s) appropriate to oneself. Nobody else can designate that for one.

  • In my case, it could theoretically take the form of, for instance, writing, teaching, counseling, mentoring, artistic painting, or something not yet considered.

  • The "multi-tower" aspect of the dream setting may represent male energy.

  • The "complex" may refer to my having a complex (i.e. historically there are Oedipal and inferiority complexes, etc.).

  • The 1:26 or 1:30 may refer to Bible chapter and verse. For example, Genesis 1:26 would be "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, after our likeness...' ." Isaiah 1:26 would be "And I will restore the judges as at the first, and your counselors as at the beginning... ."

  • The thrice repeated 1 refers to unity.

  • The need to pee may certainly refer to the dreamer actually needing to go to the bathroom for No. 1, of course, but its place in the dream is more complicated than that and, in Jungian symbolism, represents the need for expression instead.

  • Each of the 3 characters in the dream besides the ego-identified self is relevant. There is the dream group lady (anima) with generally positive qualities such as genteel, serious, well organized, helpful, but officious. There is also the other female character, Puff (also an anima, my dog), who is extroverted, "into" the moment, emotional, playful, and observant. And there is the shadow character (animus, my oldest nephew), Hank: unstable, emotional, a former "skin-head," also formerly in prison, self-centered, insecure, but now a good cook.

  • The two anima characters complement each other to some extent and also represent (in their "2-ness") dawning awareness.

  • The shadow or animus and Puff, as one anima character, to some extent mirror each other. Both are emotional and self-centered, though Puff is emotionally healthy and secure, appropriately puppy-like, and Hank, an adult but not yet emotionally mature, has big problems with his feelings. Yet, while Puff must have her food prepared for her, Hank is good at preparing and serving food for others. Puff and Hank also like each other. That, at least, is positive.

  • There is another character in the dream: the eye doctor, whom we never see or meet, but we get as close as his office suite and as a few minutes before the appointment with him. We know that he is famous. So, he must also be quite competent as an adjuster of egos. The DG speculates that the eye doctor is actually God (or the Self or Higher Power, or whatever term one wishes to use for the highest form of being within each of us, by definition a spiritual entity, even if we have not found a particular church or group that describes that being in a way meaningful for us).

  • So, for the animus, as well, there is a duality represented, that indicates dawning awareness.

  • In addition, the dream maker does not significantly differentiate between words spelled forward or backward, so "dog" is also "god." Further, a kennel is a form of house, in this case for dog (God), so a house of God. This is reemphasized with the second syllable of kennel: "El" means "God."

  • Further, "to ken" is to see, look at, recognize, or know. And, as a noun, "ken" can mean range of vision or sight, mental perception, recognition, or range of knowledge. So, "ken" [n] "el" means to have a vision of God or to know or recognize God.

  • It is natural that the directions to (means to) and name of the eye doctor (God) would be in the house of God or the "place" that translates as vision or knowledge of God, and of course that the dog (God) should reside there when not actually with me (when I, as the ego, am not aware of God as being already with me).

  • There is also a reference to a problem with my vision. In the overall dream context, this means not simply a difficulty with the ego's adjustment or balance but also with my capacity for visions, including of the inner manifestations of divinity.

  • All of this God stuff is a bit much for me (my ego) to swallow, particularly as I see myself as an agnostic or atheist. Still, I am willing to accept it conditionally, so long as we are just talking of the highest inner part of oneself, or effectively God for all intents and purposes since in all likelihood we can hardly know any other form of God than the highest conception of the same we can have within ourselves.

  • Nonetheless, it is the DG's contention, or at least that of a majority of its more experienced members, that once we have the vision to see our own highest Self we shall be able to become or merge with the highest of That Which Is, where objective and subjective become One, and hypothetically we shall then know everything. Sounds like a tall order, but... whatever. I do recognize that there are some interesting coincidences in my dream, that can be interpreted as referring to God in one form or another. So, perhaps I yearn for, or at some level believe in, God, even if my ego does not accept any God in which to have faith.

  • The DG points out that, just as in the George Bush dream a lesson was I needed to acknowledge parts of myself that have some of the characteristics of a man I consider the worst president we have ever had (such characteristics perhaps one reason I am so vehemently against him), so too I need to accept the negative qualities of the characters in this dream as representing parts of myself: self-centered; insecure; officious; unstable; and arrogant.

  • On the other hand, they also indicate I need to accept that the "brilliant intuition" reference applies to me as well. Again, in this dream as in others they indicate I have within me the intuition to negotiate anywhere I wish in the vast inner center.

  • The fact that there is an entire, huge medical center as a setting for the dream implies a vast capacity for healing or positive transformation. It may indicate not merely the potential for self-healing but to be in a role of facilitating healing for others as well.

  • The reference to "center," in this dream, as in earlier ones, may also point to a place of meditation focus. This may be emphasized with the reference to a "rest" "room." Indeed, I have a room in our house where I generally meditate while sitting in a fairly comfortable position for a period(s) of time each day, which can often be rather restful.

  • There were other references which the DG interpreted as representing a quest or hope for meaning of a higher order than what I can obtain in a normal, day-to-day humdrum existence, likening the latter to a metaphorical place of famine or to lean years. This reminds me of the Ouspensky book, In Search of the Miraculous, which I had studied at one time.

2/18/07 - Title: "My New CD: The Lifetime Works of Sam Beckett"

I'm looking at a new CD in its transparent, hard plastic case. Its title shows on the cover: "The Complete Sam[uel] Beckett." I look forward to listening to it.

2/19/07 - Title: "In Severe Pain, I May Lose My Arm and Life"

My right arm is in great pain which will not go away, especially in the lower arm or forearm, in particular the pain being greatest in the area of the wrist. I sense that it is not right inside, as if besides a locus of primary cancer there has already been a metastatic spread. I conclude that I likely have bone cancer, probably at least in the wrist. I know bone cancer is usually terminal, but realize I'll likely have to have my arm removed, while waiting to see if I can still survive, however low the odds of that. I am alarmed yet also hoping my diagnosis is wrong.

[I awoke to discover that my right arm, particularly the wrist area, were in fact in severe pain, as though I had been sleeping on it for a long while with the hand back at an unnatural angle, straining the wrist. The pain stayed with me for some time, and persists, accompanied by other aches in the forearm and a feeling of the wrist joint not functioning or feeling quite right, as though parts were larger than normal inside, causing extra resistance when I would move the extremity. There were new aches and burning sensations in the hand, especially the fingers as well, like I've had before in a more minor way from osteoarthritis.]

2/23/07 - Title: "All's Well That Ends Well"

I'm in a gathering, inside a large, dimly lit building, for my wedding. It is almost the last minute, and many things have been going wrong. My bride is there too, and we do not know how all the difficulties will be resolved in time. A big group of people, our friends and relatives, more the former than the latter, has already been gathering, and all seem enthused about what is about to occur, our getting married. However, some have become aware that great troubles have arisen, that apparently will be insoluble in time. Those who know this are quite concerned, even alarmed or dismayed. Finally, someone who seems to have her finger on the pulse of the overall situation tells me and the bride that all could be resolved if, as with the boyfriend in the "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" movie, I would accept the faith of my bride. In this case, it means I would become Jewish. I am relieved and say that, since I do not care one way or another about religion, it is all the same to me, and that, so long as nobody cares if I really believe this stuff, I'll gladly become a Jew (as to me it is merely a cultural convention), if it means we can then go ahead with the wedding. Despite my pointing out it would be a merely pragmatic gesture to help my mate and others to feel better about things, the gathered people are again feeling happy about everything, as though this has overcome the last impasse. Arrangements are made that, in the next few minutes, before the assembled guests a rabbi will first make me Jewish and then marry us. I see that I'm about to become part of a much bigger family than I had expected and am pleased.

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