May, 2015

2 5 7 22 23

5/2/15 - Title: "Natural Consequences"

I'm taking an essay exam in a college course and realize I have no idea at all what to write, that I'll clearly fail, that once again I'll not complete the final course I need to graduate, and deeply, humiliatingly regret I did not prepare or even go to most of the classes.

The professor is a smart, empathic woman who likes me, but her hands are tied. It is obvious as I turn in the test booklet, the last one in the class to do so, that she has no choice but to flunk me.

[I wake up very worried and regretful, almost in despair, but there is no hope. Then am greatly relieved to fully awaken and discover it was a dream, that I graduated from college decades ago.]

5/5/15 - Title: "First Day on the New Job"

Have needed to leave a previous desk job setting, stressful and unsatisfactory but secure for while, and seek new employment. I've gotten a sort of factory or industrial job, and today is my first day.

I go in early and meet several friendly coworkers, male and female, in the cafeteria for a pre-shift breakfast snack, coffee, and chat. Folks seem very nice among these coworkers and inclined to put me under their collective wing. At first I do not want to eat anything, but then I eat one of the big greasy warm biscuit-like pastries. It is very filling and delicious.

The others need to leave to start their shifts and on their way would show me where to go, but for some reason I linger over the remains of the biscuit as they head off, going up in a big, industrial-size elevator.

Then I realize, however, I do not know how or where to report to my new supervisor. The work site is immense, with all sorts of work areas and halls and much energetic activity going on. I walk down a long hall with a slip of paper in my right hand (the paper saying to whom I am to report).

Someone, one of the managers, I think, offers to help me get to the right place. However, then I am left waiting, and he has not done so. I also lose the piece of paper.

Someone whom I think I knew at my last (state?) job sits down nearby and starts talking with me. He says more or less that this is an OK place once you get used to it but, compared with our prior work, it is more physically hazardous. Accidents happen. Employees can get hurt easily. He is tall, has a bigger head than usual, and is blond.

Someone rolls by on an industrial truck that is moving a big type of furniture that's being transported to another part of the site for the next process. The furniture looks like a very big sofa, seen partly from underneath. He warns that an unwary employee could easily lose fingers or hands or at least get badly cut by not being careful, once the next steps on the work on this sofa-thing start. "People could really get hurt," he says.

I see a smart, efficient, in-charge looking middle-aged lady in the distance. She looks like Leila. Someone comments that she's "just" a secretary to the top guy here, but has a lot of power, indicating as well that she's the one with the gun (and I see an image of a hand gun in one of her hands). I am getting more anxious about this new job, the potential for getting hurt, being left in limbo instead of taken on toward my new supervisor, and the possibility I'll be late. (When I wake up, it is a relief that I do not have to start an actual new job.)

[Leila is really a sister-in-law of mine. She is smarter and more creative than average, has done a good job as mother to her kids and grandma to her grandkids, yet she can also be very abrasive and controlling. She often puts others down a lot, encouraging folks to think of her and her clan as much superior and of others as being much inferior.

Obviously, these traits of my anima in this dream are there to show by example and counter-example aspects of myself than can be alternately cultivated or avoided.]

5/7/15 - Title: "Many Options, Most Now Closed"

I'm sort of lost in a very large, modern science museum/aquarium. It is after hours. A few areas are still open. Some others (whom I know) have gone here too, at a different time (earlier) and may have already left. I wander around trying to see anyone I know who may keep me company and help me find out what areas are still alright to go into and what are not, but I never see them. I am alone.

I also am interested in a snack, but it seems the main snack area is closed.

I'm disappointed so far with what is still available to see. There are many doors that are locked, many large, long halls that go to areas that may be open or may not (but probably are not).

I go into one area at night, an open are (air) science area. Lights are on. I am not sure it is open for the public, but think it probably is not. However, nobody is around, and I know I won't harm anything, so I go into this interesting area and am looking around.

Then a friendly guard is there. He is chatty and charming. I am thinking he won't do anything about my being here without permission, but then he gets a pen, clipboard, and tablet ready and asks for my name. "Phil Wagner," I tell him (and he writes this down). Am worried now about the repercussions of my being here improperly.

5/22/15 - Title: "Once Again, Unprepared"

I am late for an exam. It feels like this situation has happened many times before. The teacher overseeing the test is nice; a woman who is smart, empathic, tall, probably about in her thirties, attractive. The (she) sympathizes with my situation and seems concerned and sad for me, but it is out of her hands. Not only am I late, but I show up without any exam booklet, paper, tablet, pen, or pencil. Nor have I attended most of the classes or read the book. Time is quickly ending for doing the exam. It seems inevitable I'll fail the exam and the course, and it is the last one I need to be able to graduate. I deeply regret this outcome.

5/23/15 - Title: "The Little Ones Need Protection!"

I am with some small children (my young sister or brothers? - not clear) at a park of some type. It is not exactly night, yet is relatively dark (overcast? jungle? deep woods?). I feel the need or importance of looking after and protecting the small children. They simply are curious and want to explore and play. There are, however, bodies of shallow water all around here and lots of alligators or crocodiles, many small themselves, yet big enough to catch an unwary child or pull him or her under and even kill and eat one or more of them. These big reptiles are in various earth-like tones or colors and they have big, triangular heads. I see several of them, both nearby on pond banks and in the shallow pools. I hurry to protect the kids but can only do so much, so try to warn others and get them all back to safety. I can't be everywhere at once and fear there will be a horrible incident. (I wake up, alarmed that one of the small kids is about to be attacked by a small, earth-colored alligator, then am relieved to realize it was just a dream.)

[I am parked with respect to some issues, but have growing, creative parts of myself or special projects I care a lot about. These are very valuable aspects on my inner self. I worry that they are in danger, though, from inner demons, child-eating monsters with three pointed heads in and around pools of water, i.e. feared negative emotions associated with transition or transformation. I need to become more conscious and accepting of my inner emotional life so it loses its power as separate negative energy and instead can be integrated with the rest of me in a healthy way, which in the process would also make me stronger. In addition, I need to provide better self-care for both those things I really care about/love and the vulnerable, child-like aspects of myself, Little Phil, who may not have had that rich and secure a childhood but now can be a source of curiosity and joy if I nurture these precious parts of myself.]

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