June, 2007

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6/1/07 - Title: "Wake-up Call"

At 8:15, there was a single ring of the phone, which woke me up. [Homer and I had been up a few times during the night. I went to answer the phone, but of course there was only a dial tone, and Janet's phone machine had no new messages. I think the single ring had just been a dream. This has happened to me before, when, for instance, I'll be awakened by a "ring," though my wife, Fran, already up, has heard nothing.]

6/2/07 - Title: "From Cipher to an Anonymous New Identity: How to Get Away with Murder"

1. There is a dark neighborhood, at night and with no lights at all, off to the NW, where I am living or staying utterly alone. For a long distance, there is nobody else. It feels scary, full of peril. (It seems I have been in this place many times before, at least in dreams.)

2. There is a car with its hood up. I have been adjusting something about the engine.

3. There was a huge gray lake or ocean and seashore nearby.

4. Up till now, the folks I'd worked for were not onto me, and I'd gotten away with one or more serious crimes. Perhaps I have been leading a person (a woman) unawares into lethal circumstances. It seems this was successful and that as a result she was killed. The work is done in a large, cramped warehouse-like or basement-like facility, with a crisscross of multiple narrow perpendicular and parralel (parallel) aisles in a warren-like, well organized congestion of high materials or supercomputers with many circuits (perhaps a massive telephone communications exchange or center).

5. I am an out-of-place (alienated) liberal Democrat in all (an) all right-wing Republican operation, perhaps their political headquarters. (When) A Republican clerk (official), the husband of the woman I had gotten rid of, begins to catch onto me, that I had a larger purpose than the cipher-like role I had been acting (playing), I knew I had to leave and take on a new identity. There is much anxiety, as though I may be apprehended at any moment.

6. Then I'm in a gray, overcast setting and am attempting to remain anonymous. I have acquired a large amount of money and assumed a new identity. There is now a margin of relief. Apprehension is no longer likely.

6/3/07 - Title: "Lessons Have Ended - Replaced at Janet's by a Ball"

Someone is telling me it is time to leave Janet's place (where I've been pet-sitting Homer for the last few nights), that the space is needed for other purposes. My time of learning from being (living) here is over. I see a large ball, like for sport, but I've never seen such a ball used in a game - it is about the size of a volleyball but of a light greenish-blue color (the Planet Neptune?). I realize it will be replacing me at Janet and Homer's, or at least my head.

6/4/07 - In the DG meeting yesterday, there was focus mainly on my "...Cipher to Anonymous New Identity..." (6/2/07) dream as well as on the complementary dream of one of the women. Highlights:

  • My dream is about more emphasis on the yin aspect of "being," while that of the other DG member is about more emphasis on the yang aspect, or "doing."

  • It was pointed out Jung suggested that in the second half of one's life, there often is a chance for the women to explore and cultivate more their yang and for the men to likewise explore and cultivate more their yin potentials.

  • Cipher in mathematics means zero. But here it represents a practical nonentity, someone who is staying so inconspicuous, it is almost as if he does not exist, or at least so he wishes to appear to those around him. Similarly, once having assumed a new, anonymous identity, there is the intention of staying out of the limelight. This is consistent with the I Ching hexagram #2,The Receptive, in which there is great strength and success in staying in the background and adapting rather than directing things. (See also the entry dated 5/31/07 for more on that hexagram interpretation.)

  • When there is change, there is great uncertainty, which may seem lonely, dark, and scary.

  • Again the emphasis on NW, here perhaps referring to a rite of passage related to the trip I took when I was 21, but also to my new long driving trip alone, beginning in early July. There is the exotic aspect of it as well, given that the NW Passage was sought as a route to the East. And it is the yearned for but "forbidden" Pacific Northwest where at two key times in my life there was the expectation I would be living there, but it did not work out. NW also refers to the warfare-riddled history of the portion of Europe, especially Germany (or Prussia) and France, from which many of my ancestors came, and to the typical characteristics of the people and cultures in that area.

  • There are two references to hood (auto and neighbor kinds of hood). In the one instance there are associations with a vehicle "bonnet" being up, a signal perhaps of distress or breakdown, but the engine is being adjusted, which may well fix the problem.

  • There is also the hood that is part of or synonymous with the dark place where I am living alone and without light. The light that is needed is absent. Perhaps it is a different kind of light that is required. Is it the "light" in the darkness I see when I meditate, but which darkness is really access to regions that are filled with light?

  • The huge gray lake or ocean is the unconscious and the seat of emotions or instincts. Are mermaids also there!?

  • The seashore is the place where one has initial insights into the teeming life within the sea of unconsciousness.

  • This is a very positive dream!

  • The anima character is married to someone rigid and closed, and she likely as well is always being critical or skeptical, rigid, and closed. She is just as well out of the picture, even if I must see to it she is killed to accomplish this.

  • The well organized aisles and the supercomputers, etc., may represent the super rational side of things, where there is a robot-like efficiency and logic but things are devoid of real heart or life. It is just as well I soon leave there.

  • I was over the Memorial weekend visiting my relatives in the Waco area, most all of whom are right-wing Republicans. To get along and keep the peace, to some extent I need to play or act a role when around them.

  • There is much anxiety until I assume a new identity. Then, there is relief, and apprehension (anxiety) is no longer likely. Yea!

  • As yet, the new identity is anonymous, though. I have some ideas about what or who it is not, but no clear idea who it IS.

  • It may be useful to select traits that are desirable for this new identity. Or to ask for a dream in answer to this question.

  • "I have acquired a great deal of money" means I now have more energy!

6/7/07 - In the DG last night we discussed my "Wakeup Call" dream, among several others. Highlights:

  • This dream is clearly about waking up, getting it, smelling the roses or coffee, etc.

  • Based on the I Ching, hexagrams 8 and 15, it is also about unity, wholeness, and integration, on the one hand, and success through moderation, on the other.

  • 8:15 is also the latest time I can get up in the morning and prepare for and then take a walk without significant risk of further skin cancer, from too much sun exposure. So, the fact my unconscious can wake me at just the right time though no alarm is set, while not remarkable in itself, does indicate that in some ways I am already where I want to be, though I (my ego) may not yet accept this development as real.

  • My problems with accepting that I have "already gotten it" are two-fold: first, that nothing special seems to have happened, so that I did not notice any enlightenment or even a minor satori experience and am unaware of any new way of seeing things and feeling about them or myself; and, second, the minor things in life that used to negatively "push my buttons" still do, and in much the same way as before. I would have assumed that they would not bug me so much if I have truly "gotten it."

  • It was pointed out that even Buddha said that after enlightenment one goes back into the world and finds that what has happened is "nothing special."

  • Also that, in some cases, I remind folks of people they have known who were, in their views at least, fairly "advanced souls." But, flattering as this may be, it all causes a large amount of cognitive dissonance. I think it more likely that folks in the DG are projecting onto me what they wish to see, that than I am a quite different and better person now than I was a year ago (as I commenced this dream work business). This certainly is not false modesty. It just seems realistic, though, of course, I am pleased that, more often than not, the results of DG work are positive and that I have the group's support and well-wishes.

  • The DG felt it is notable that there was just one (unitary) wakeup ring, that it was quite sufficient to wake me up. The phone did not just ring and ring before I "got it."

  • When I was doing a regular job, my customary time to begin was 8:00-8:15 AM. Thus, the dream may be sending a message: time to get to work.

  • Since the dream occurred while I was pet-sitting Homer at Janet's house, and, indeed, I was literally in her bed at the time, it was considered relevant what I think of her.

  • I can summarize my thoughts and feelings about her thusly: highly intelligent; despite some hang-ups, about as fully realized or complete a person as I know; I would love to have her as my daughter; extremely genuine, yet that quality tempered with diplomacy; and an extraordinarily effective facilitator.

  • In answer to the question I asked about how to wake-up, as the dream suggests, a possibility might be to own the aspects of myself which are already there in my anima and, to the extent I feel I am not that, to become more like that model: intelligent; facilitating of my own healthy, internal processes as well as with those among whom I am engaged; genuine but with tact; cultivating of my own completeness and realization; and loving toward my anima and other precious inner selves or aspects.

  • As with some of the others' dreams discussed last night, it was felt it is time for me (my ego) to accept the new, more awake reality.

6/8/07 - Title: "Devastation and a Risky Solo Rescue Attempt"

In a bright cityscape, no vegetation in sight, there are multiple piles of rubble, as if there has been an earthquake or a massive bombing. The debris is all tan (the color of broken chunks of limestone or limestone dust, though there may be pieces of concrete with it). None of the fallen building blocks are intact, but many are in large pieces, too massive for me to lift or safely shift. I am aware of an injured woman trapped nearby beneath a pile of fallen building stones or concrete. This is the third major destructive incident. I was asleep but am glad it woke me up. Now I can go for help or try to rescue the lady alone. I do not know if she can be saved, but there is a chance. I see nobody else around and do not know which direction to go to find help. I begin removing the building rubble myself. There is great risk of the concrete or stones shifting or falling. Some of the precariously balanced chunks are large and heavy. I continue but am afraid I'll do more harm than good.

6/9/07 - Title: "Flashflood Warning"

I'm with a man (as if a younger male colleague) as well as with yet another one, an expert or sorcerer, our supervisor. I am more experienced than the younger man. We are all in a rocky gully, an otherwise dry creek bed, but a light rain has begun. The expert advises me to set up a pup tent using my (Army surplus canvas World War II type) shelter half plus that of the man I'm with (buttoned together at the middle, which will be the tent top, once properly in place with a stake at either end and secured with ropes). I wonder if it's wise that we're putting up the tent here, making our camp and sleeping arrangements where there could be a gully washer of a storm coming soon. It's as if our supervisor were deliberately putting us in harm's way, creating a potential crisis. He must know what he's doing, but it's worrisome!

6/11/07 - Title: "Irresponsible Animus & Knocked Up Anima"

[Earlier I had been asking myself the dream question (i.e. a question asked as I am going to sleep, that I hope a dream will answer): "How can I rescue my anima?" This relates to my dream of a few days ago in which I am attempting to rescue a woman trapped, and possibly hurt, in the rubble of a devastated city, as well as to the fact that in recent dreams there has been little or know (no) presence of my feminine self. Since then I have had the following dream, which, however, I had forgotten after I had just dreamed it and only remembered a part of it later, this evening. I have only a vague impression that I had it either early this morning or in a brief nap this afternoon.]

I am talking to a man about movies I'm interested in seeing [having recently asked Arthur, in the dream group, if he'd like to go to a movie and he having said he'd love to, though, after I had called him and left a phone message and also had sent him an e-mail about our arranging to see a movie, he has not responded for several days to either, perhaps out of town, or maybe having changed his mind - in any case, the ball now being in his court].

The man mentions one called "Knocked Up" as being really a terrific hoot, a riotously funny one. He said he had seen it with some friends and could recommend it highly.

[I am not familiar with that movie. I had just seen its title and ad in the "Chronicle," but had not read the review. In fact, when I tonight did read the review, I was surprised I would have dreamed of that one favorably. It stars a woman named Alison who has a one-night-stand with and becomes pregnant by a not very responsible character. The review is not too kind, indicating it is funny but not in a sustained way.]

6/12/07 - Title: "Evening - Morning"

1. I'm in a small house with wood floors. [The only one (place like this) I know of (am familiar with) now is where we have dream group, at Janet's.]

2. I'm looking at a set of religious candles. There is one stand for five or more candles and candle holders of different heights (though the holders are all essentially in the same plane, like fingers on a hand), even heights on the two sides and then gradually higher till highest in the middle. Someone is lighting them. I see a hand and the flame of a lit match or lighter. Two or three of the candles have already been lit. There is little or no other light. Everyone is concentrating on the lit candles and on the lighting of the rest.

3. It is morning at my house. My wife and Puff are in our bed with me. The dog is snuggled between Fran and me. We have all been sleeping. I'm just awake, but there (they) are still asleep. Soon it will be time for them to wake up too.

6/14/07 (AM) - We discussed both my recent "Devastation and a Risky Solo Rescue Attempt" and my "Flashflood Warning" dreams in DG last night, one of the leaders contending that they are essentially the same dream anyway. Highlights:

  • There may have been two prior times in my life when this has been true, but certainly now, due to the combination of life's challenges and the dream work, the ego and, indeed, the entire set of constellations or complexes that have made up or defined me, have been shaken up to the extent that the building blocks (both psychological blocks and the various constructs of who I see myself to be) are down, probably never to be restored to the way they were.

  • That it is the third such "devastation" may also represent transformation.

  • And it has awakened me, so that, comparatively, before I was asleep and my life had been so lifeless as to be like a dry creek bed.

  • The pup is a child of dog = a child of God, so a pup tent provides spiritual protection under or through which there is the possibility of shelter and integration (each canvas "shelter half" being buttoned to the other one for a unified tent that sleeps two) plus further productive dream work (sleeping arrangements).

  • This shelter (or protection), integration, and dream work is secured [that is, will continue (secured by ropes)].

  • There are some concerns that I am dealing with now which are concrete (practical), i.e. perhaps aspects of my tendonitis and the physical therapy treatment, whether and how to do a long solo driving trip, starting in July, investment issues, getting sufficient rest, our yard care, dental care, completing necessary actions through the end of the month, an upcoming visit by my sister-in-law, Mary, etc.

  • There will be likely be a worrisome (and further ego threatening) gully washer of an emotional storm with which to deal. (Might this be also predictive of a major difficulty with which to cope?) And, indeed, the supervisor, mentor, or sorcerer self does intend to put me in harm's way for this storm, which, though it may seem like or catalyze a crisis, is for my ultimate wholeness and in my good health's interest, even if the ego naturally resists it as deeply unpleasant.

  • There may be worry as well that the proposed upcoming solo trip toward the northwest US will be too risky.

  • Though the devastated conditions, from my ego's viewpoint, are very disturbing in the short-term, they are in the Self's long-term interests, as will eventually be borne out. They represent the proverbial "short-term pain for long-term gain."

  • An earthquake is evidence of the anima's (mother earth's) presence and great strength.

  • A massive bombing would suggest a lot of anger.

  • It is highly positive that many of the building blocks are no longer intact and that so many have fallen. A more rewarding assemblage of new growth is now possible, without their dysfunctional blockages.

  • Even though I am worried that my efforts at rescuing the woman from under the rubble will cause more harm than good, the positive aspect of the dream process, that it is solely for more integration and wellness, precludes this outcome. Even if that anima does not survive, it will be for the best: some anima selves are actually quite negative, limiting ones, and represent destructive complexes. But there is a chance she may make the grade and, if so, be saved.

  • It is significant that "I... do not know which direction to go... " This may be the result of the ego's having been partly shattered, feeling in disarray and disoriented, a good thing since the old ego was leading me in more hazardous directions.

  • This could also refer to my choice (uncomfortable for the ego) not to do detailed planning for the upcoming July trip, but more or less to rely on intuition and spontaneity once I have set off.

  • There are a variety of factors in my new realm or developing identity that are precariously balanced. Yet this is better than if there were an imbalance. In fact, much of the devastation may be because of weakness and vulnerability from imbalances in the prior construction.

  • There are, besides the suggestion of transformation, also suggestions of more dawning awareness, with a couple colleagues (in the second dream) to lend their shelter halves to a whole pup tent, and with both mother earth (earthquake) and trapped woman aspects of my feminine self (in the first dream).

  • New life will surely follow the rain and emotional storm, replacing the dry creek bed with muddy deltas, pools, perhaps even an ongoing stream, from which fresh vegetation, at least small creatures, and even trees may arise.

  • There are no known qualities to the trapped anima or the younger colleague shadow. This is consistent with my not having a well-formed new anima or shadow as yet, just as my ego is also not yet fully formed after the life-plus-dream-work "devastation" that destroyed and brought down many of the blocks.

6/14/07 (PM) - Title: "Dreaming Without My Anima"

I had the following short dream at the end of my afternoon nap today:

I wake up and am alone in our (Fran's and my) bed.

[When I had gone to bed, Puff had moved from it over to her nearby chair to sleep. Frances was in our bed, already asleep. So in the dream I assume, since I'm alone now, that Fran has previously woken up while I was sleeping and has left bed to go do something in another part of the house.]

Lying on my back, I stretch my arms out to the sides, but am surprised awake (really awake, this time) when my left hand touches Fran's face [for she has actually been asleep beside me, not yet awake in reality - and fortunately she does not wake up to my touch.]

6/16/07 - Title: "Unexpected Coursework Hassles and Memory Hurdles"

Am at a university, a big sprawling place I've not been before (though I have had dreams of other big universities).

Am wanting to go for a few months, perhaps a semester or a full term, to finish up my coursework and get a degree, either a post-graduate course of study or a B.A. in a new-to-me field that I can nonetheless complete in less than a year, once my previous credits are counted.

I'm sure of what I want to do and that it can be accomplished in the time anticipated. However, I get a message at my residence hall or apartment building telling me I am to contact (someone - the advisor? mentor? registrar?). I do not know what this is about, but when I get there I am told by a matronly woman (the lady whose role is to let students know what they must do to complete the chosen curriculum requirements), that I must put in an application, a lengthy, bureaucratic questionnaire, and that my getting the credential I seek is not automatic just because I complete a few more courses.

I must, for instance, be accepted into this specific program and receive official certification and (something - a sophisticated scholarship? a grant? leave to do this specialized study from the keepers of the libraries where some of the individual research must be done? permission from the government, FBI, CIA, homeland security? acceptance as a bona fide, full-fledged, legitimate scholar-intern?).

I am busy and must do something else first, realizing that just completing the application will be a big deal. I leave without completing it or even taking it with me, yet I am still on campus and involved with things having to do with me (my) chosen studies and other campus activities and people. I fact, I forget all about needing to do something at the ? (registrar's? mentor's? etc.).

Then, I am back at the reception area of my dorm or apartment residence and again get a message to go to the registrar or whatever, only recalling when I get there the process still pending for seeking a successful entry into my chosen program.

This time, I take the lengthy application forms, expecting to complete and return them later.

While I am at the university office (registrar or whatever), a man a few doors down an adjoining hallway says something loudly enough that it gets my attention, though I cannot tell what he has said. I remember the voice and realize I should know who this is, but I have forgotten his name completely or even the precise way I knew him before. (Was he my advisor when I was completing a rehabilitation counseling graduate program?)

I go over in the direction from which I heard the voice but in a confused way, looking about as if disoriented. I hope to be able to see a name plate on or near a door or on a desk that will remind me who he is.

Then both he and a younger man nearby (perhaps a former masters degree instructor) are joshing, making a little friendly joke about how it seems I do not even remember them.

I'm embarrassed but still think all is not lost. I might yet see name plates or tags. I have been looking down and then briefly, surreptitiously I hope, glancing up to see their faces or names, in hopes of eventual recognition, which, however, does not come. I'll have to admit I cannot remember them (though it is clear they have remembered me and in a friendly way), or else pretend I recall them, despite its being likely obvious that I do not.

6/17/07 - Title: "Precarious, Unbalanced Loads Threaten Rapid Descents; Help Lies Behind a Wet, Sharp Fence"

1. I'm in an elevator with a woman who, like me, has just gotten on. It was empty before. It is crooked, that is the floor and sides are at unusual angles, not properly perpendicular or parallel respectively to the elevator shaft. As soon as I realize this, I ask the woman, who stands next to the elevator's panel of buttons, to punch "Unbalanced Load." She looks for it but doesn't see this button. We then look for an emergency button, but do not see it in time. There is a jolt, and then the elevator begins to rapidly descend, picking up speed so quickly it seems with (we) must crash in the next moment.

2. I'm in a car at night with my nephew, Jim. We have to get somewhere out of town in a big hurry. I'm driving on a narrow, two-lane, country road with many twists and Y's in a bizarre landscape. At times we seem to be driving at the bottom of ravines, at others above sheer drops (cliffs). The landscape looks like it has been strip-mined, before any efforts to reclaim it as a more natural site or area. These landscape elevations all look precarious and barely or poorly balanced, as though they could easily shift and descend. In no time, Jim and I are hopelessly lost in this alien environment. Jim has important obligations (performances, classes he must teach, rehearsals, etc.) that he must not miss. Yet, as we frantically consider our situation, it seems impossible that we'll get him where he needs to be on time. [In reality, he's right now in Maine, performing with a dance company along with a famous folk singer.]

3. We stop at some country residence, out in the middle of nowhere. It is the only habitable place anywhere around. Jim stays in the car as I look for help with directions. There is a wire fence. It is wet and has some barbs on the top. But I get over it. I meet a young woman. She seems willing to help, but apparently only knows her place and not how to get us anywhere else. Nonetheless, she is willing to go talk with Jim, in case they can figure something out that will be helpful. We are then both caught at the wet, spiky (barbed) fence, trying to safely negotiate our getting over it.

6/18/07 - In the DG yesterday afternoon we discussed my above "... Descents... Fence" Dream. Highlights:

  • The two women mean well but, perhaps through no fault of their own, are so far not very helpful. This is more Anima (feminine self) representation than has been in most of my recent dreaming, a good thing. (Clearly, my efforts at rescue of the woman, trapped under some rubble in another recent dream, were successful.)

  • There are obviously themes here of descent from elevations or elevated positions, delicate balance, precariousness, and imbalance. Major growth issues for most men involve dealing with their innermost feelings, unconscious selves or forces, physical realities, material nature, intuitive sides, intimacy with their basic masculine as well as feminine sexuality, the receptive, not just the active or doing self, in other words, their being and their yin, instead of simply their more comfortably familiar yang aspects. For women, dealing with their yang nature is easier (than dealing with their yin nature is for men) and often represented by ascent, flowing, or flying. For men, dealing with their yin nature goes against most of the mores of our culture and is more difficult. It is often represented by descent to the earth level or even below, into subterranean realms, as in this dreaming.

  • We do not know much about my new Anima selves, since the dream women are not ones known in real life and do not yet come with descriptions. We understand that the second one, in dream #3 on 6/17, "only knows her place." This might seem to mean that she "knows her place" as defined by some man, i.e. subservient, at home, barefoot, and pregnant. However, a more plausible meaning is that she only knows her place because as yet she has not had the opportunity to know any other place. It was suggested in the dream group, in fact, that, whether I realize it or not, I want her to know my place, as in "my place or yours," for a thoroughly integrating bout of lustful lovemaking, a really positive development in dream work terms.

  • The "unbalanced load" Laundromat reference is a male ego misinterpretation of the situation: as a male, I typically feel that as I express more of what I characterize as the feminine, "irrational" or unpredictable feelings, intuitions, etc., it may feel as if I am becoming unbalanced and/or in danger of becoming submerged in a "dark," mysterious, earthy Anima nature. Similarly, the descents are feared as ways I might lose myself within the awesome and awful mother earthly or seductively feminine.

  • I have a kind of fatherly relationship with Jim, who lacks a living father (on Father's Day and otherwise). Not incidentally, I have lost my own father, and, like Jim, I am wounded in ways related to the ideal of a good father: he missed this richness of bonding with his father, who died when he was young enough that he remembers little about him; I never had a good rapport with my dad or bonded well with him, since he was often abusive, arrogant, and domineering.

  • There is disorientation, perhaps from the evolving or recent dream work related changes.

  • One experienced DG member says the dream title is like an I Ching hexagram. I quip that, if only I knew which one, I might have the key to the dream's interpretation. The DG leader immediately responds, as if seriously, that she thinks it might be #7, The Sze (or Shih) Hexagram: with firmness and correctness, the leader of age and experience will have good fortune and no error. (Other aspects of this hexagram message include: trust is reposed in him; his appointment is with confidence; retreat will be right in the circumstances; but also, under certain conditions, there will be evil.)

  • Although there are (emotional) buttons to be pushed, we (the Anima and I) are not very good at this. Presumably we are still better at having our buttons pushed by others than in pushing others' buttons.

  • The DG leader's dog suddenly, in the course of the meeting, goes to a lady sitting next to me and then to me, seeking a greeting and snuggle with each, and then returns to the side of the leader who seems to do a double take and says the dog has just tied our two mirror-image dreams and their meanings together, for even as the lady was having trouble fully realizing or expressing her Animus (masculine self), I had been having the same kind of challenge with my Anima.

  • A couple references to "getting over it." May refer to ongoing issues that I need to deal with.

  • That we (Anima and I) try to "negotiate" the fence means not simply physically getting over the fence but also to negotiate (work out the terms of) our overcoming each other's defenses.

  • Although at the end of dream #3 Anima and I are caught by the wet, barbed wire fence (defenses reinforced or armed with sharply negative emotions), it is not at all an insurmountable obstacle. We shall get over it, even if it is an inconvenient or painful experience to do so.

  • And it is important that we both get over it for Anima to be a more significant part of my inner life and for her to be well integrated (with the rest of me).

  • It is positive that both my shadow, Jim, and my Anima are young. This indicates great potential for growth or change, plus the energy to assure them.

  • Jim and I become hopelessly lost. This refers to the rational mind or the ego. The alien (alien, that is, in the shadow's and the ego's point of view) environment is one in which, behind her fence (defenses), Anima is already living comfortably and with which she is quite familiar. She may think she knows only this (to us alien) place, but in consultation with super-smart, rational, creative Jim, the two of them together may well arrive at a mutual understanding (a balance of doing and being energy and outlook) that will allow for our getting Jim where he needs to go (and, in turn, where I, who am facilitating Jim's progress, need to go as well).

  • Indeed, one upbeat potential scenario could involve Jim, Anima, and I continuing this life odyssey together.

  • I had to go over the fence, get Anima, and return to the car with her, rather than Jim doing so while I stayed back at the car, because ego is typically the active one that eventually may seek out and draw together the disparate aspects of self.

  • It is suggested I read about Jung's seven years of descent and sojourn in his own private subterranean realms.

  • The elevations or elevators ironically are the means for descent. In a way, this is fitting, for such descents are, in turn, the means to greater health and wholeness, which must be considered positive or "uplifting."

  • Such fruitful descents being difficult for males, much of our male-dominated geopolitical world is suffering from a more shallow or surface perspective, one that reflects little self-examination, insight, or intuition. (Imagine how difficult it would be for Allen W. to admit even to himself the major ways he has been wrong over the past 6+ years. If he had the capacity for that, he probably would not have made most of those huge errors in the first place.)

  • At least in the dream reality, Jim has chosen a (shadow) role that is very grounded in the here and now and in the physical. He appears to also have not just a little talent. He just might be successful in dancing his way through life! (What, then, does this high-energy, actively doing, insightful, focused, highly intelligent, thinking-on-his-feet, competent teacher shadow self have to teach or offer the dreamer?)

6/19/07 - Title: "Three Platefuls and a Wedding"

Frances and I are getting married (again). We are in a big place with large rooms. I think at first it is someone's house, but it might well be Horace and Leila's church. There are abundant decorations arrayed for the occasion. I show up kind of early. Frances is around here somewhere too, but not in the same room with me right now. She and I arrived together. It seems the wedding will be in the late morning or the first part of the afternoon. But it is only about 7:30 now. I see Horace. He's appropriately all dressed up, as if for church or for attending a wedding but has his sports coat off and his sleeves rolled up. He is seeming affable and pleased that we're making it legal. His appearance includes his double chins and flushed looking face. He's doing something else, but sees me and gives his usually minimal nod, but then, as though just remembering something, he says to me "You're coming to our breakfast aren't you?" I'm momentarily confused and say something like: "What, after our wedding night!?" (meaning tomorrow morning) "No," he says and gives his little phony laugh, "This morning. There's a really big spread. I asked Leila to be sure and invite you both." I realize it must be a huge breakfast (with all high-cholesterol trimmings) layed (laid) on for the occasion by him or his church and that naturally most in my extended family would already be aware of it from the smell alone. I say: "I'll have to let Fran know, but I expect we'll be delighted to attend. Thanks!" Typical that we were notified in this off-hand way, as an afterthought. But of course I understand it is not really about us, from Horace's point of view. It's more about our doing the proper, conventional thing while giving the family an opportunity to celebrate and consume vast quantities.

6/23/07 - Title: "Dark Killings, a 'Mental Defective,' A (a) Mermaid, and Her Gift"

I'm (again) part of the time working in a big, cramped, dark area with little light with cramped work spaces or aisles (walkways) between tall things, each having multiple, complex circuitries, arrayed in a grid of parallel rows, reminiscent of old telephone exchange communications centers. But (again too), outside of this cramped work area there is complexity and a sense of danger. This time, there has not been merely one person whose death I've been responsible for but several. There are little plastic bags of rotting goo mixed here and there with a few residual bones, each all that remains of the different ones I've killed. The goo and bones bags are hidden about, but with no more sophistication (challenge) in the hiding than is used in hiding eggs for a children's Easter egg hunt. Sure enough, people begin to find them. The police are called in. Suspicion falls on this or that one, but so far not on me. A man who is not all there mentally becomes briefly the prime suspect. I do not confess. However, I do attempt to hide better one of the most recent sets of gooey bagged remains. Then I am spotted near them by a large Black woman who is working there too. She begins to suspect me. She is not inclined to turn me in, but does not want the police to keep harassing the mentally impaired man either. So she may call the police after all. I hope my mother does not find out the truth, that I am a serial killer. At the same time, I believe one of the last (most recent remains) of those killed is (was) in fact my mother.

2. I'm living or working in a nice suburban residential area, bright and with lots of space, picture windows looking out on large, healthy lawns with abundant trees, landscaped yards, etc. I have made friends with a young (mid-thirties, I would guess) lady (reminds me of my actual physical therapist, Marilyn) who lives in a nice house next door. For some reason, I feel free to come and go to/from her place, not concerned with whether she or her two young children (a boy and a girl) are there or not when I make myself at home. She is arranging to buy me an elegant watch or wallet to replace either a watch or wallet I already have, but that are old, worn, and/or defective. I think it was to be a surprise but I figured it out, and now I am giving her tips on what kind of watch or wallet I need, so she can order the right one.

[Associations to the above: two references to defective or impaired: a man with mental problems & a watch, presumably with inner workings problems. Marilyn is, from the sound of the first part of her name, another mermaid. Marilyn is an ISFJ - a healer - and is an introvert, highly attuned to the world of senses, noticing things in great detail in the real world, sensitive, attractive, genuine, competent, and very feminine. The Black woman reminds me of Christine (an extrovert, brilliant, maternal, highly intuitive, competent, sometimes bossy, and under extreme physical and mental stress due to a severe cancer condition). I got a digital timer to be able to do the home PT exercises right. Other timers are often used at the PT office. The old wallet that may need replacing contains my identity cards. I have noticed some instances of mental confusion or not finding the right word or of saying the wrong thing and have some worry in the back of my mind that I might have early Alzheimer's, though my doctor did not take this very seriously or seem to think it needed further evaluation. In any case, he said there would be little to be done in my case even if it were found I have this condition. But it may be I'm more concerned about this since losing some of the rigidity of my old identity or ego, feeling more disoriented (and more often) afterward. The nice houses picture windows suggest I am getting the picture intellectually even if I do not yet grasp it well emotionally. That she is getting me a nice gift and I can come and go when I wish to/from Marilyn's house implies our relationship is intimate. There is nothing flashy or phony about Marilyn. She is "the girl next door." There is in fact a platonic intimacy in the therapist-patient relationship. I also feel a natural affinity for her and that she will talk frankly with me. Our Myers-Briggs type indicators are just one quality away for being the same. She is an S where I am N. Mine is INFJ. We are both, in reality, reasonably happily married, and neither of us actually have kids.]

6/25/07 - Title: "In on the Ground Floor as Something Exciting and New Gets Off the Ground"

My dream last night involved an anima like Sonya, whom I'd describe as: both brilliant and exceptionally knowledgeable about Jungian, Taoist, Buddhist, and I Ching related dream interpretation, as well as being intuitive, genuine, warm, an extrovert, passionate, a teacher, a survivor, a facilitator, spontaneous, balanced, nurturing, and possessed of a good sense of humor:

I'm in a small group of folks who, under Sonya's leadership, are starting a new venture together. She has renovated a structure where we meet, and now the enterprise is to occur on the upper (second) floor. However, the meeting place is somewhat unstable, as though it were a tree house.

A storm has come up, with buffeting winds that cause the large renovated room to sway unpredictably and at times wildly. The ladder from the first to the second floor is also somewhat insecure, steep, with no handrails or banister, and exposed to the elements, as if it were just a ladder of steps or stairs nailed to a big sloping tree trunk.

I am nonetheless feeling pleased and lucky to be in this group from close to its outset. I have an emotional investment in and commitment to the venture's success. It is a means not merely for my own growth but, as with a large oak that grows from a small acorn, for potentially a wider positive influence.

Next, my brother, Allen, is there as a new member of our group. It is as though we are having the renovated location's grand opening. New members are now welcome, he among them. (Allen comes with a background as an engineer.) He feels the structure and the way up to it ought to be made more sturdy and be better protected. (He also has a shared history with me of dedication to a spiritual meditation growth process.) Though concerned about structural integrity aspects, he joins with me in having excitement that this new venture is getting off the ground, and that we are in on the ground floor. I am eager for everything to be finalized, so we can be fully engaged once the venture is underway. Yet I am also nervous that things are as yet chaotic or in flux, changes being made spontaneously, without warning or pre-planning, but as just (just as) seems appropriate at the moment.

Throughout the last stages of our getting ready to start, Sonya is relaxed, watching the unfolding process with merely a benign, amused interest, as though she knows all with (will) naturally turn out right. As our leader, she makes the numerous ongoing decisions easily and on the spot. She is not supervising by virtue of any force or control (coercion) over the rest of us, but by as (an) obvious command of each situation as it arises. It is as though she is a spiritual or meditation master, and we are her students.

My brother, Allen, is very smart in mechanical things, extremely patient and loving toward his young kids, and yet lets his wife kind of walk all over him.

6/28/07 - In the DG meeting yesterday evening, we focused first on my "In on the Ground Floor... (6/25/07)" dream. Highlights:

  • Some themes of the dream include that I am well grounded, there can be much growth, mixed but mainly positive responses to a new venture, a grand opening of the heart center, and concerns over structure and over protection of the physical body. It may be well to do further physical conditioning, to become literally a more sturdy person and without hand rails (hand complaints). Aspects of myself, literally (physically) and otherwise, have been or are being significantly renovated.

  • Through the catalyst of the dream work, I am beginning soon a grand new undertaking both within, involving some reintegration of the Self, and without, going on a lengthy journey alone, with aspects therein of a pilgrimage or a new rite of passage.

  • There is here, in Sonya, an excellent anima, with superb qualities!

  • There is irony in the dichotomy of being "in on the ground floor," (i.e. at the beginning) of a new venture, yet one which is being celebrated for finally getting off the ground (getting started).

  • The tree house analogy or metaphor may mean not simply an artifact built into a tree, but that the house itself is part of the tree and so able to grow with it. It is a tree house.

  • There are at least three definite references to trees in the dream, each symbolizing growth and life.

  • Both the grand opening and the swaying or wobbling in a storm likely refer to a more complete experience of emotions. And with this new openness comes a sense of "no ban," few if any prohibitions.

  • The new venture seems shaky or wobbly at first. In fact, I am feeling somewhat unstable and to be swaying unpredictably right now.

  • From the anima, there is much more spontaneity and ease with simply dealing with each thing as it comes along, rather than depending on a lot of planning or advance notice.

  • The shadow, represented by Allen, feels a greater need for structure. These two approaches, more spontaneity or more structure, are not in conflict but represent two workable options of the inner inventory.

  • Favorable qualities of my shadow, that he is good at mechanical or engineering related activities, smart therefore in some practical, real world matters, that he has a strong spiritual side, and that he is quite patient and loving, may be better owned as parts of me.

  • The not so terrific aspect of the shadow nature, that he tends to let his wife walk all over him, may need to be owned as well, yet countered. Incidentally, one lesson of the discussion last night was that one needs to have the courage to "suck," to really screw up at times in life, in self-expression, etc. Only thus can we be successful beyond the merely safe, secure, familiar, and comfortable ruts in which we might otherwise remain.

  • I can cultivate in myself some of the qualities I admire in this Sonya anima, including that she is warm, genuine, relaxed, easily amused, spiritual, a meditator, a teacher, a writer, a facilitator, nurturing, passionate, well versed in Buddhist, Taoist, Jungian, or I Ching traditions of dream interpretation, etc.

  • For both my shadow and myself, there is energizing excitement over the new venture.

  • All will naturally turn out right. Indeed, there is strong support for this.

  • The result may be growth not merely for me personally (my ego) but a wider uplifting influence (within the Self overall).

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