June, 20071 2 3 4 7 8 9 11 12 14 16 17 18 19 23 25 28
At 8:15, there was a single ring of the phone, which woke me up. [Homer and I had been up a few times during the night. I went to answer the phone, but of course there was only a dial tone, and Janet's phone machine had no new messages. I think the single ring had just been a dream. This has happened to me before, when, for instance, I'll be awakened by a "ring," though my wife, Fran, already up, has heard nothing.]
6/2/07 - Title: "From Cipher to an Anonymous New Identity: How to Get Away with Murder"
1. There is a dark neighborhood, at night and with no lights at all, off to the NW, where I am living or staying utterly alone. For a long distance, there is nobody else. It feels scary, full of peril. (It seems I have been in this place many times before, at least in dreams.)
2. There is a car with its hood up. I have been adjusting something about the engine.
3. There was a huge gray lake or ocean and seashore nearby.
4. Up till now, the folks I'd worked for were not onto me, and I'd gotten away with one or more serious crimes. Perhaps I have been leading a person (a woman) unawares into lethal circumstances. It seems this was successful and that as a result she was killed. The work is done in a large, cramped warehouse-like or basement-like facility, with a crisscross of multiple narrow perpendicular and parralel (parallel) aisles in a warren-like, well organized congestion of high materials or supercomputers with many circuits (perhaps a massive telephone communications exchange or center).
5. I am an out-of-place (alienated) liberal Democrat in all (an) all right-wing Republican operation, perhaps their political headquarters. (When) A Republican clerk (official), the husband of the woman I had gotten rid of, begins to catch onto me, that I had a larger purpose than the cipher-like role I had been acting (playing), I knew I had to leave and take on a new identity. There is much anxiety, as though I may be apprehended at any moment.
6. Then I'm in a gray, overcast setting and am attempting to remain anonymous. I have acquired a large amount of money and assumed a new identity. There is now a margin of relief. Apprehension is no longer likely.
6/3/07 - Title: "Lessons Have Ended - Replaced at Janet's by a Ball"
Someone is telling me it is time to leave Janet's place (where I've been pet-sitting Homer for the last few nights), that the space is needed for other purposes. My time of learning from being (living) here is over. I see a large ball, like for sport, but I've never seen such a ball used in a game - it is about the size of a volleyball but of a light greenish-blue color (the Planet Neptune?). I realize it will be replacing me at Janet and Homer's, or at least my head.
6/4/07 - In the DG meeting yesterday, there was focus mainly on my "...Cipher to Anonymous New Identity..." (6/2/07) dream as well as on the complementary dream of one of the women. Highlights:
6/7/07 - In the DG last night we discussed my "Wakeup Call" dream, among several others. Highlights:
6/8/07 - Title: "Devastation and a Risky Solo Rescue Attempt"
In a bright cityscape, no vegetation in sight, there are multiple piles of rubble, as if there has been an earthquake or a massive bombing. The debris is all tan (the color of broken chunks of limestone or limestone dust, though there may be pieces of concrete with it). None of the fallen building blocks are intact, but many are in large pieces, too massive for me to lift or safely shift. I am aware of an injured woman trapped nearby beneath a pile of fallen building stones or concrete. This is the third major destructive incident. I was asleep but am glad it woke me up. Now I can go for help or try to rescue the lady alone. I do not know if she can be saved, but there is a chance. I see nobody else around and do not know which direction to go to find help. I begin removing the building rubble myself. There is great risk of the concrete or stones shifting or falling. Some of the precariously balanced chunks are large and heavy. I continue but am afraid I'll do more harm than good.
6/9/07 - Title: "Flashflood Warning"
I'm with a man (as if a younger male colleague) as well as with yet another one, an expert or sorcerer, our supervisor. I am more experienced than the younger man. We are all in a rocky gully, an otherwise dry creek bed, but a light rain has begun. The expert advises me to set up a pup tent using my (Army surplus canvas World War II type) shelter half plus that of the man I'm with (buttoned together at the middle, which will be the tent top, once properly in place with a stake at either end and secured with ropes). I wonder if it's wise that we're putting up the tent here, making our camp and sleeping arrangements where there could be a gully washer of a storm coming soon. It's as if our supervisor were deliberately putting us in harm's way, creating a potential crisis. He must know what he's doing, but it's worrisome!
6/11/07 - Title: "Irresponsible Animus & Knocked Up Anima"
[Earlier I had been asking myself the dream question (i.e. a question asked as I am going to sleep, that I hope a dream will answer): "How can I rescue my anima?" This relates to my dream of a few days ago in which I am attempting to rescue a woman trapped, and possibly hurt, in the rubble of a devastated city, as well as to the fact that in recent dreams there has been little or know (no) presence of my feminine self. Since then I have had the following dream, which, however, I had forgotten after I had just dreamed it and only remembered a part of it later, this evening. I have only a vague impression that I had it either early this morning or in a brief nap this afternoon.]
I am talking to a man about movies I'm interested in seeing [having recently asked Arthur, in the dream group, if he'd like to go to a movie and he having said he'd love to, though, after I had called him and left a phone message and also had sent him an e-mail about our arranging to see a movie, he has not responded for several days to either, perhaps out of town, or maybe having changed his mind - in any case, the ball now being in his court].
The man mentions one called "Knocked Up" as being really a terrific hoot, a riotously funny one. He said he had seen it with some friends and could recommend it highly.
[I am not familiar with that movie. I had just seen its title and ad in the "Chronicle," but had not read the review. In fact, when I tonight did read the review, I was surprised I would have dreamed of that one favorably. It stars a woman named Alison who has a one-night-stand with and becomes pregnant by a not very responsible character. The review is not too kind, indicating it is funny but not in a sustained way.]
6/12/07 - Title: "Evening - Morning"
1. I'm in a small house with wood floors. [The only one (place like this) I know of (am familiar with) now is where we have dream group, at Janet's.]
2. I'm looking at a set of religious candles. There is one stand for five or more candles and candle holders of different heights (though the holders are all essentially in the same plane, like fingers on a hand), even heights on the two sides and then gradually higher till highest in the middle. Someone is lighting them. I see a hand and the flame of a lit match or lighter. Two or three of the candles have already been lit. There is little or no other light. Everyone is concentrating on the lit candles and on the lighting of the rest.
3. It is morning at my house. My wife and Puff are in our bed with me. The dog is snuggled between Fran and me. We have all been sleeping. I'm just awake, but there (they) are still asleep. Soon it will be time for them to wake up too.
6/14/07 (AM) - We discussed both my recent "Devastation and a Risky Solo Rescue Attempt" and my "Flashflood Warning" dreams in DG last night, one of the leaders contending that they are essentially the same dream anyway. Highlights:
6/14/07 (PM) - Title: "Dreaming Without My Anima"
I had the following short dream at the end of my afternoon nap today:
I wake up and am alone in our (Fran's and my) bed.
[When I had gone to bed, Puff had moved from it over to her nearby chair to sleep. Frances was in our bed, already asleep. So in the dream I assume, since I'm alone now, that Fran has previously woken up while I was sleeping and has left bed to go do something in another part of the house.]
Lying on my back, I stretch my arms out to the sides, but am surprised awake (really awake, this time) when my left hand touches Fran's face [for she has actually been asleep beside me, not yet awake in reality - and fortunately she does not wake up to my touch.]
6/16/07 - Title: "Unexpected Coursework Hassles and Memory Hurdles"
Am at a university, a big sprawling place I've not been before (though I have had dreams of other big universities).
Am wanting to go for a few months, perhaps a semester or a full term, to finish up my coursework and get a degree, either a post-graduate course of study or a B.A. in a new-to-me field that I can nonetheless complete in less than a year, once my previous credits are counted.
I'm sure of what I want to do and that it can be accomplished in the time anticipated. However, I get a message at my residence hall or apartment building telling me I am to contact (someone - the advisor? mentor? registrar?). I do not know what this is about, but when I get there I am told by a matronly woman (the lady whose role is to let students know what they must do to complete the chosen curriculum requirements), that I must put in an application, a lengthy, bureaucratic questionnaire, and that my getting the credential I seek is not automatic just because I complete a few more courses.
I must, for instance, be accepted into this specific program and receive official certification and (something - a sophisticated scholarship? a grant? leave to do this specialized study from the keepers of the libraries where some of the individual research must be done? permission from the government, FBI, CIA, homeland security? acceptance as a bona fide, full-fledged, legitimate scholar-intern?).
I am busy and must do something else first, realizing that just completing the application will be a big deal. I leave without completing it or even taking it with me, yet I am still on campus and involved with things having to do with me (my) chosen studies and other campus activities and people. I fact, I forget all about needing to do something at the ? (registrar's? mentor's? etc.).
Then, I am back at the reception area of my dorm or apartment residence and again get a message to go to the registrar or whatever, only recalling when I get there the process still pending for seeking a successful entry into my chosen program.
This time, I take the lengthy application forms, expecting to complete and return them later.
While I am at the university office (registrar or whatever), a man a few doors down an adjoining hallway says something loudly enough that it gets my attention, though I cannot tell what he has said. I remember the voice and realize I should know who this is, but I have forgotten his name completely or even the precise way I knew him before. (Was he my advisor when I was completing a rehabilitation counseling graduate program?)
I go over in the direction from which I heard the voice but in a confused way, looking about as if disoriented. I hope to be able to see a name plate on or near a door or on a desk that will remind me who he is.
Then both he and a younger man nearby (perhaps a former masters degree instructor) are joshing, making a little friendly joke about how it seems I do not even remember them.
I'm embarrassed but still think all is not lost. I might yet see name plates or tags. I have been looking down and then briefly, surreptitiously I hope, glancing up to see their faces or names, in hopes of eventual recognition, which, however, does not come. I'll have to admit I cannot remember them (though it is clear they have remembered me and in a friendly way), or else pretend I recall them, despite its being likely obvious that I do not.
6/17/07 - Title: "Precarious, Unbalanced Loads Threaten Rapid Descents; Help Lies Behind a Wet, Sharp Fence"
1. I'm in an elevator with a woman who, like me, has just gotten on. It was empty before. It is crooked, that is the floor and sides are at unusual angles, not properly perpendicular or parallel respectively to the elevator shaft. As soon as I realize this, I ask the woman, who stands next to the elevator's panel of buttons, to punch "Unbalanced Load." She looks for it but doesn't see this button. We then look for an emergency button, but do not see it in time. There is a jolt, and then the elevator begins to rapidly descend, picking up speed so quickly it seems with (we) must crash in the next moment.
2. I'm in a car at night with my nephew, Jim. We have to get somewhere out of town in a big hurry. I'm driving on a narrow, two-lane, country road with many twists and Y's in a bizarre landscape. At times we seem to be driving at the bottom of ravines, at others above sheer drops (cliffs). The landscape looks like it has been strip-mined, before any efforts to reclaim it as a more natural site or area. These landscape elevations all look precarious and barely or poorly balanced, as though they could easily shift and descend. In no time, Jim and I are hopelessly lost in this alien environment. Jim has important obligations (performances, classes he must teach, rehearsals, etc.) that he must not miss. Yet, as we frantically consider our situation, it seems impossible that we'll get him where he needs to be on time. [In reality, he's right now in Maine, performing with a dance company along with a famous folk singer.]
3. We stop at some country residence, out in the middle of nowhere. It is the only habitable place anywhere around. Jim stays in the car as I look for help with directions. There is a wire fence. It is wet and has some barbs on the top. But I get over it. I meet a young woman. She seems willing to help, but apparently only knows her place and not how to get us anywhere else. Nonetheless, she is willing to go talk with Jim, in case they can figure something out that will be helpful. We are then both caught at the wet, spiky (barbed) fence, trying to safely negotiate our getting over it.
6/18/07 - In the DG yesterday afternoon we discussed my above "... Descents... Fence" Dream. Highlights:
6/19/07 - Title: "Three Platefuls and a Wedding"
Frances and I are getting married (again). We are in a big place with large rooms. I think at first it is someone's house, but it might well be Horace and Leila's church. There are abundant decorations arrayed for the occasion. I show up kind of early. Frances is around here somewhere too, but not in the same room with me right now. She and I arrived together. It seems the wedding will be in the late morning or the first part of the afternoon. But it is only about 7:30 now. I see Horace. He's appropriately all dressed up, as if for church or for attending a wedding but has his sports coat off and his sleeves rolled up. He is seeming affable and pleased that we're making it legal. His appearance includes his double chins and flushed looking face. He's doing something else, but sees me and gives his usually minimal nod, but then, as though just remembering something, he says to me "You're coming to our breakfast aren't you?" I'm momentarily confused and say something like: "What, after our wedding night!?" (meaning tomorrow morning) "No," he says and gives his little phony laugh, "This morning. There's a really big spread. I asked Leila to be sure and invite you both." I realize it must be a huge breakfast (with all high-cholesterol trimmings) layed (laid) on for the occasion by him or his church and that naturally most in my extended family would already be aware of it from the smell alone. I say: "I'll have to let Fran know, but I expect we'll be delighted to attend. Thanks!" Typical that we were notified in this off-hand way, as an afterthought. But of course I understand it is not really about us, from Horace's point of view. It's more about our doing the proper, conventional thing while giving the family an opportunity to celebrate and consume vast quantities.
6/23/07 - Title: "Dark Killings, a 'Mental Defective,' A (a) Mermaid, and Her Gift"
I'm (again) part of the time working in a big, cramped, dark area with little light with cramped work spaces or aisles (walkways) between tall things, each having multiple, complex circuitries, arrayed in a grid of parallel rows, reminiscent of old telephone exchange communications centers. But (again too), outside of this cramped work area there is complexity and a sense of danger. This time, there has not been merely one person whose death I've been responsible for but several. There are little plastic bags of rotting goo mixed here and there with a few residual bones, each all that remains of the different ones I've killed. The goo and bones bags are hidden about, but with no more sophistication (challenge) in the hiding than is used in hiding eggs for a children's Easter egg hunt. Sure enough, people begin to find them. The police are called in. Suspicion falls on this or that one, but so far not on me. A man who is not all there mentally becomes briefly the prime suspect. I do not confess. However, I do attempt to hide better one of the most recent sets of gooey bagged remains. Then I am spotted near them by a large Black woman who is working there too. She begins to suspect me. She is not inclined to turn me in, but does not want the police to keep harassing the mentally impaired man either. So she may call the police after all. I hope my mother does not find out the truth, that I am a serial killer. At the same time, I believe one of the last (most recent remains) of those killed is (was) in fact my mother.
2. I'm living or working in a nice suburban residential area, bright and with lots of space, picture windows looking out on large, healthy lawns with abundant trees, landscaped yards, etc. I have made friends with a young (mid-thirties, I would guess) lady (reminds me of my actual physical therapist, Marilyn) who lives in a nice house next door. For some reason, I feel free to come and go to/from her place, not concerned with whether she or her two young children (a boy and a girl) are there or not when I make myself at home. She is arranging to buy me an elegant watch or wallet to replace either a watch or wallet I already have, but that are old, worn, and/or defective. I think it was to be a surprise but I figured it out, and now I am giving her tips on what kind of watch or wallet I need, so she can order the right one.
[Associations to the above: two references to defective or impaired: a man with mental problems & a watch, presumably with inner workings problems. Marilyn is, from the sound of the first part of her name, another mermaid. Marilyn is an ISFJ - a healer - and is an introvert, highly attuned to the world of senses, noticing things in great detail in the real world, sensitive, attractive, genuine, competent, and very feminine. The Black woman reminds me of Christine (an extrovert, brilliant, maternal, highly intuitive, competent, sometimes bossy, and under extreme physical and mental stress due to a severe cancer condition). I got a digital timer to be able to do the home PT exercises right. Other timers are often used at the PT office. The old wallet that may need replacing contains my identity cards. I have noticed some instances of mental confusion or not finding the right word or of saying the wrong thing and have some worry in the back of my mind that I might have early Alzheimer's, though my doctor did not take this very seriously or seem to think it needed further evaluation. In any case, he said there would be little to be done in my case even if it were found I have this condition. But it may be I'm more concerned about this since losing some of the rigidity of my old identity or ego, feeling more disoriented (and more often) afterward. The nice houses picture windows suggest I am getting the picture intellectually even if I do not yet grasp it well emotionally. That she is getting me a nice gift and I can come and go when I wish to/from Marilyn's house implies our relationship is intimate. There is nothing flashy or phony about Marilyn. She is "the girl next door." There is in fact a platonic intimacy in the therapist-patient relationship. I also feel a natural affinity for her and that she will talk frankly with me. Our Myers-Briggs type indicators are just one quality away for being the same. She is an S where I am N. Mine is INFJ. We are both, in reality, reasonably happily married, and neither of us actually have kids.]
6/25/07 - Title: "In on the Ground Floor as Something Exciting and New Gets Off the Ground"
My dream last night involved an anima like Sonya, whom I'd describe as: both brilliant and exceptionally knowledgeable about Jungian, Taoist, Buddhist, and I Ching related dream interpretation, as well as being intuitive, genuine, warm, an extrovert, passionate, a teacher, a survivor, a facilitator, spontaneous, balanced, nurturing, and possessed of a good sense of humor:
I'm in a small group of folks who, under Sonya's leadership, are starting a new venture together. She has renovated a structure where we meet, and now the enterprise is to occur on the upper (second) floor. However, the meeting place is somewhat unstable, as though it were a tree house.
A storm has come up, with buffeting winds that cause the large renovated room to sway unpredictably and at times wildly. The ladder from the first to the second floor is also somewhat insecure, steep, with no handrails or banister, and exposed to the elements, as if it were just a ladder of steps or stairs nailed to a big sloping tree trunk.
I am nonetheless feeling pleased and lucky to be in this group from close to its outset. I have an emotional investment in and commitment to the venture's success. It is a means not merely for my own growth but, as with a large oak that grows from a small acorn, for potentially a wider positive influence.
Next, my brother, Allen, is there as a new member of our group. It is as though we are having the renovated location's grand opening. New members are now welcome, he among them. (Allen comes with a background as an engineer.) He feels the structure and the way up to it ought to be made more sturdy and be better protected. (He also has a shared history with me of dedication to a spiritual meditation growth process.) Though concerned about structural integrity aspects, he joins with me in having excitement that this new venture is getting off the ground, and that we are in on the ground floor. I am eager for everything to be finalized, so we can be fully engaged once the venture is underway. Yet I am also nervous that things are as yet chaotic or in flux, changes being made spontaneously, without warning or pre-planning, but as just (just as) seems appropriate at the moment.
Throughout the last stages of our getting ready to start, Sonya is relaxed, watching the unfolding process with merely a benign, amused interest, as though she knows all with (will) naturally turn out right. As our leader, she makes the numerous ongoing decisions easily and on the spot. She is not supervising by virtue of any force or control (coercion) over the rest of us, but by as (an) obvious command of each situation as it arises. It is as though she is a spiritual or meditation master, and we are her students.
My brother, Allen, is very smart in mechanical things, extremely patient and loving toward his young kids, and yet lets his wife kind of walk all over him.
6/28/07 - In the DG meeting yesterday evening, we focused first on my "In on the Ground Floor... (6/25/07)" dream. Highlights: