July, 20121 2 4 6 7 11 27 28
7/1/12 - Title: "Warren Buffett Assassinated"
Scene one - Warren Buffett is my father, and I adore him. Yet, in my cruise luggage I have a long-barreled gun I intend to use on him. I debate within whether to use it vs. just getting rid of the gun and all connection of it with me. Meanwhile, on our cruise Buffett and his wife (not my real mother) are enjoying themselves, seemingly unaware anything might be wrong. He and his wife and I and my wife relate well late in the evening, enjoying wit, interesting conversation, and good food.
Scene two - It is learned that Buffett has terminal cancer. If he is not killed, he will endure a gruesome, painful, lengthy period of increasing disability and debilitation. Leila and her oldest son, Chris, a crack shot and the actual shooter, are involved in a conspiracy to make it appear someone else has killed Buffett but to actually carry out the assassination themselves. They do so. Leila lies on the floor, apparently holding the rifle, but it is Chris, also lying on the floor, somewhat behind his mother, who really aims the rifle perfectly and pulls the trigger, shooting Buffett in the head from across an expanse of ocean and so instantly kills him.
I have had no prior knowledge of the plot to kill my father, but now must get rid of my gun, carefully and quickly, or I shall surely be implicated in the conspiracy. I wonder how best to do it and if I can in time, before the inevitable searches of cabins and luggage commence. For some reason, I have trouble opening my luggage. It seems locked and I do not have a key that works on it. I worry I shall be caught.
[Of Warren Buffett, I'd say that, though I have never met him, he is a source of great inspiration for me. I like his affable personality, his common sense approach to good value investing, his sense of humor, his politics, his mentoring of others toward good and ethical stewardship of their companies and toward excellent investing methods, and his wisdom about life in general.
Of Leila, she is a good mother to her own kids but tends to be very aggressive, mean, scheming, willful, and competitive and intent on putting herself and her family forward at the expense of others. She often scapegoats and creates dramas that she then tries to use to her advantage, making others look bad and herself good.
Of Chris, he is smart, a good manager, an excellent father, gets along well with most everyone, but tends not to be skeptical in his loyalty to highly conservative beliefs and values. He enjoys such demonstrations of his manliness as motorcycle riding, owning and practicing with guns and rifles, cliff climbing, and doing a lot of hard physical exertion.
The person who is my wife in this dream is not clear (nor is the person who is Buffett's wife), but on the chance it is my actual wife, Frances, I'd say she is mostly a happy person, highly intelligent, competent, a good teacher, but can on occasion be rather impatient and abrasive.
In considering the dream's meaning, the phrase and Zen koan "If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him" comes to mind. Why would I who adore this father figure, Warren Buffett, be intent on or supposed to kill him? Maybe because it is best not to put people (or gurus) on too high a pedestal and, rather than doing so, one needs to kill the exaggerated hero one is otherwise worshipping in one's mind. By putting nobody in an elevated status we can focus on what is truly of value, which is only to be found within ourselves.
There may also be the need to "destroy" this too logical, rational, relatively free of emotion model that is found in the Buffett of business, though he was all too emotional and vulnerable in his inner, private personality.
The drama of this dream takes place on a cruise or otherwise is associated with an ocean or expanse of water, which can be seen as the unconscious, intuition, and feelings.
There must also be some aggression or anger to be expressed. The Leila anima seems to be representing by counter-example feelings or attitudes which are to be avoided. The Buffett shadow is mostly very positive. That of Chris has both pros and cons.
The luggage or baggage (I am still carrying?) at the end seems locked or inaccessible, and so I cannot get rid of the evidence of my aggression and may be in trouble, even if I do not personally, or at least not consciously, use it on anyone.]
7/2/12 - Title: "Avoiding Boredom As Best We Can"
Scene one - I am on a military deployment of some kind, but just a two-week active duty deployment (so it must be for annual National Guard training). Mostly, folks are standing or sitting around being bored. One night I go off somewhere more interesting and am at a plush theater, with lots of thick blue (meant to write "red and black," which is what it was, not blue) and black carpeting. While there, though, I spend all my time looking for a bathroom where I can pee.
Scene two - It is during the day, and I am still on a two-week active duty military deployment. The sun is out and high. It is hot, and there are khaki canvas tents out to give some shade, but the sides are rolled up due to the heat. There are no trees, just a flat, wide expanse of land, a broad field, with out (meant to write "our rows") rows of tends (tents) and men terribly bored or waiting for orders from higher ranking officers who get more enjoyment out of playing soldier.
Something is wrong with a small fixture or connection at one top corner of my/our tent (my unit's field headquarters tent?). It does not connect properly, and I am trying to correct this, so far without success.
My unit is all male, and this too seems rather boring.
Scene three - One evening of the deployment (in the 1st week, since one of the officers has just confirmed my question about the duration, saying it will be over next week), there is some confusion, and, while I am evidently off doing something I was required to do by an officer on non-com, someone, intentionally or accidentally, has eaten my dessert ration, a couple cookies. I wonder how I can secure another dessert ration, this now being the best I can do in the circumstances to be less bored.
There is also something about some required double-timing, a forced march type exercise (but not as regimented as that sounds, more like an Austin marathon except with a platoon of men jogging at various speeds in military fatigues and combat boots).
[The error - a Jungian slip? - of writing blue when I meant red is interesting, suggesting not just anger or passion but also spirituality, wisdom, royalty, and sadness or depression. To be blue and black, like black and blue, might also indicate a sense of having been beaten and being sore, which in turn could have connotations of anger, i.e. slang for anger, being "sore."
Some of this may have to do with feelings about my Alanon men's group meeting and other all male Alanon activities, considering the emphasis on no women.
There is a need to engage in verbal expression (pee).
Possibly also for more nurturing (the missing dessert ration).
Several instances of "two" or "couple" suggests dawning awareness about the dream's main issues.]
7/4/12 - Title: "My Dog, Independence Day Play, and I"
(Most forgotten, but...) A long series of dramas and fun outdoor adventures in mountains, valleys, woods, and fields, with my dog (not my actual dog, Puff, but very like her, as I recall).
[Of Puff, I'd say she is extremely playful, extroverted, a lover of her routines and pleasures, creative (making up her own games for engaging with people), yet is terribly fearful of Independence Day fireworks in our neighborhood.]
7/6/12 - Title: "Hormones Have Reasons That Logic Knows Not Of"
Scene one - (Something about...) viewing a vast, beautiful acreage of farmland at dawn, the earth hot, rich, fertile, a deep brown, freshly tilled, and ready for planting.
Scene two - A beautiful, flirtatious, curvy, amusing, smart, and sexy Hispanic woman and I have a relationship (at work?) that is exciting but not quite overtly sexual. Someone (my Alanon sponsor?) is telling me to break it off or at least to take responsibility for assuring it stops being exciting and flirtatious and that it never becomes sexual. I am annoyed, frustrated, and dismayed at this. "Come on!" I say. "I don't think her husband even sleeps with her (as though this is a convincing reason why our involvement should be OK no matter where it leads, particularly as my wife and I don't sleep with each other either)!"
[I do not know the sponsor or the woman, and my wife is not a character in the dream. Were I to include a description of her because of the above reference, I'd say that she is more intellectual than emotional, an excellent teacher, has a good sense of humor, and yet that, more often than I'd like to admit, we really do not connect or get along, and our relations are strained, as has been painfully true a few times over the past three weeks or so.]
7/7/12 - Title: "A Poor Prognosis"
Scene one - I am a social worker of some sort (counselor? vocational rehab. worker?) at a mental institution. The halls are numerous and maze-like with many small rooms off them for patients, most of whom are one to a room. At first, things are bright and sunny and I am working one-on-one with a very sick patient (schizophrenic?) who has a history of bizarre delusions and hallucinations, yet I am encouraged he'll be able to return to some type work and leave the institution. He is there with a second patient. I know less about the latter individual, but my main patient cares about the second one, how he's doing, too.
Scene two - Still in the mental institution, it is now night. I encourage the patient I was seeing before, but his delusions/hallucinations are worse, and there are also either fantasies or real memories, that he is having or relating, about violence and blood. I see these vivid images too, as if through his eyes. I seek doctor-level professional assistance for working with him. Janet, in the role of clinical psychologist, comes there with a man friend or colleague, and she or they look in on my patient at his room (and perhaps on a few other patients as well). She either does not think he can be rehabilitated or is distracted and does not take the possibility of a therapeutic intervention seriously. She stays only a few moments. We see each other merely in passing as she is leaving, and my patient gets no benefit. I fear he may be stuck there.
[My wife points out, which may be relevant, that "he'll" (a contraction I seldom use) is very close to the spelling of "hell." She notes too that in various ways the dream appears to be about being or feeling stuck. It also reminds me of the play "No Exit." The ego theoretically can leave this institution when his shift is over, but in the dream there is no experience of being home or outside the madhouse. Instead, I am only going here and there in its long halls or visiting in the mentally ill patients' rooms. The characters who seem to truly be able to come and go as they please are Janet and her male friend/colleague, but, called on for help, they provide none and seem, as indeed Janet does in reality lately, preoccupied and inattentive, with little time now for her former friends or for using her talents as a healer/facilitator outside of her profession. Of her, I'd also say she is highly intelligent, skilled at facilitating, is both analytical and intuitive, and often has had a great sense of humor. I also have connections with her through dream groups and Alanon.
There is mild reason for optimism, I think, in that this nightmare has the word "encourage" in both scenes.
The long, maze-like halls suggest a lot of transitional issues and decisions, but uncertainty about how best to proceed with many of them.
The blood and violence indicate, I think, both passion and a lot of anger.
In this dream, there is not a good or helpful relationship with a positive anima, and the shadows are also far less than ideal. The concern about a possibly badly schizophrenic patient may suggest a major split as well as a tendency toward negatively obsessing. Contrasted with this is a big emphasis on patients (patience). It is also positive that there is apparently dawning awareness of the dream's insights or issues, based on the two shadows in the first scene, and that my patient cares about a second one. The phrase "one-on-one" may indicate a tendency toward unity, wholeness, healing, and integration. It is my (ego's) fear that my shadow/patient (patience?) may be stuck there, but ego is often wrong, and tomorrow is typically another day when, chances are, things will be bright and sunny once more.]
7/11/12 - Title: "Three or Four's a Crowd"
Scene one - Charlotte and I are on a moving passenger train, our seats facing each other, and are chatting in a friendly way. We have a complaint about (?), so and so, a man. Then a cloth, plastic, or leather barrier between our pair of seats and the next two forward (forward toward the engine and forward from my perspective, as I'm facing the front of the train, but behind the seat Charlotte's sitting in) is kind of pulled up, over, or back out of the way, and the man (not known...so and so) of whom we were talking is there. He tries to set the record straight and is irritated with us, about what we'd been saying, and also because generally he's kind of a jerk. It's an awkward, unpleasant moment.
Scene two - There is confusion about dinner arrangements at a crowded, noisy restaurant. Charlotte and I had been here the night before and had run into two others, whom we knew, at this restaurant then and so wound up all being together (or something like that - much forgotten). Now Charlotte and I are intending just a private, intimate dinner and evening at a table for two. However, the restaurant staff seats us next to (our table pushed over with) a table for two others again (not clear if it is the same two from the previous evening), whom we both know. Charlotte and I look at each other as if to say "Well, what do we do now?" We don't want to be rude, but we really just wanted a quiet time for the two of us. Then Charlotte's husband shows up in only underwear and an open raincoat or trench coat, things get weird, and she needs to leave with him. I'm left to eat alone.
[Of Charlotte, I'd say she is an Alanon acquaintance whom I call fairly regularly and bright, more emotional than intellectual, friendly, successful, a good teacher, spiritual, yet has been married for many years to an alcoholic, and though she loves him this causes her a lot of grief.
I don't know the others in the dream.
Evidently there is dawning awareness, transformation, and manifestation in reality involved, based on the numbers indicated in the dream or its title.]
7/27/12 - Title: "How to Help a Sick Anima?"
I go to see Christine. She is not feeling well and needs her medicine. I try to get it and give it to her, but she's almost out. There's not enough left. I ask her if she'd like me to go pick up a renewal of her prescription. She says "Yes." I realize, though, that the pharmacy won't just release it to me. I suggest, if they know her there, that she call and let them know I'm on the way to pick it up for her. (I have the impression she'll do so, but do not remember for sure that this is the case.)
[Of Christine, I'd say she is Black, Jewish, strong-willed, extremely intelligent, has been battling cancer (with multiple metastases, surgeries, chemo- and x-ray- treatments, and alternative medicine therapies) for many years, is domineering yet can be generous with her friends, is resourceful, a facilitator, has anger issues, and has many grievances.]
7/28/12 - Title: "An Inner Conflict"
I'm in a very large cave or mine. The floors are flat. The rooms or caverns are quite large, long, wide, and high. There is lighting so they can be used for some type industrial operation. I observe some kind of materials handling truck in use. The materials being moved are big and have something to do with pharmaceuticals. I don't know what they are, but can hear them as they are moved and sometimes shoved into one another. This makes a "wump" sound so loud I wake up... [thinking the sound must have been real. The "wump" sounds remind me of war documentaries about the noise of heavy artillery going off in a distant city (and suggests anger or destruction).]