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September, 2004




9/29/04-In the womb there is no distinction between us and our environment we are immersed in the absolute one with our uterine sea before we are even aware of it our every need is fulfilled there's almost no time events only as filtered phenomena ever impinge themselves upon our consciousness floating in a confined protective space we experience almost no gravity and hardly notice up from down or left from right if we thought of it at all we'd surely swear there is no other universe than this one in which we swim so securely and with which clearly we are indivisible world without end on being born with a shock we discover pain separation fear and anger but still encouraged by intermittent tantrums our demands are amply met in the bliss of suckling at our mother or nanny's ripe breasts we can continue the illusion that we are the world or at least that it magically bends to our will when in the womb there is no distinction between us and our environment we are immersed in the absolute one with our uterine sea before we are even aware of it our every need is fulfilled there is almost no time events impinge themselves upon our consciousness only as filtered phenomena floating in a confined protective space there is no significant gravity and hardly any up down left or right if we thought of it at all we'd surely swear there is no other universe than this same one in which we swim so securely and with which clearly we are one indivisible world without end on being born with a shock we discover pain separation fear and anger but still encouraged by our intermittent tantrums our demands are met in the bliss of suckling at our mother or nanny's ripe breasts we continue the illusion that we are the world or at least that it magically bends to our will when we are powerful enough by and through the terrible fury of our regal rage to harvest the fulfillment of our whims of it later our parents like Juno and Jupiter are gods to us all knowing all powerful ultimately guarding us against all dangers but this myth too yields to the disillusioning wisdom of further years if father and mother then are not so sacred certainly there are anyway a heavenly father and a blessed virginal saint mary the lord jesus' perfect mother to whom we may pray for guidance and who if we let them lead us in their paths of righteousness may be given all our troubles and seeing such faith they shall show us their way and the ultimate purpose they have for us so that on wings of eagles by our devotion and the power of god the father son and holy spirit within us we shall wield our swords in sanctified battles and they shall lift us up above our heathen sibling-like less favored peers whom we shall smite in the name of the lord yet the species has need of only a few god-men at any given epoch and so for most of the teeming masses comes at last by one means or another the truth that there are no heavenly hosts we are all but ordinary and mortal each merely one among several billions of equally insignificant organic bits on the highly vulnerable surface of a barely remarkable planet orbiting merely one of trillions of suns in a cosmos vast beyond all imagining our individual lives except to ourselves and a precious few others like us of no more consequence to existence than to us would be those of any particular termite or coral polyp or protozoan or bacterium or virus our breaths numbered our freedom severely curtailed by conditioning and chromosomes the certainty of our demise written into the script from the instant of conception finally totally alone in supreme distress with no spiritual aids no consolations whatever save in dreams we shall wait for our final waking moment hope reduced to this that we might meet our deaths if not with any last shreds of dignity then perhaps with a brief moment of sanctuary of elegance of insight of understanding of enlightenment of clarity before we are extinguished forever we are powerful enough by and through the terrible fury of our regal rage to harvest the fulfillment of our whims of it later our parents like Juno and Jupiter are gods to us all knowing ultimately guarding us against all dangers but this myth too yields to the wisdom of further years if father and mother are not so divine certainly there are still our heavenly father and saint mary the lord jesus' mother to whom we may pray for guidance and who if we let them lead us in their paths of righteousness may be given all our troubles and they then shall show us their way and the perfect purpose and plan they have for us so that on wings of eagles by our faith and the power of the god trinity within us we shall wield our swords in holy battles and they shall lift us up above our heathen peer brethren whom we shall smite in the name of the lord yet the species for its idealistic struggles has need of only a few god-beings in any specific age and so for most of the teeming masses comes at last by one trauma and crisis or another the reality that there are no heavenly hosts no god or gods at all and we are but ordinary and mortal each merely a bearer of half the requisite DNA for a subsequent generation one among several billions of potential pairings of equally insignificant organic bits on the highly exposed surface of an unremarkable planet orbiting just one of trillions of suns in a cosmos vast beyond all imagining our individual lives except to ourselves and a precious few others like us of no more consequence to that which is than to us is that of any termite or coral polyp or protozoan or bacterium or virus our breaths numbered our freedom severely curtailed by conditioning and chromosomes the certainty of our demise written into the script from the instant of conception finally absolutely alone under extreme duress with no wish-fulfilling delusional aids no consolations at all not even in dreams we shall wait for the final moment with our hope reduced to this that we might meet our deaths if not with any last shreds of dignity then perhaps with a brief moment of sanctuary of elegance of poetic vision of understanding of clarity before we are extinguished absolutely and forever...




9/23/04-While the blue jewel of earth is turning brown two sets of fanatics lead us all in a clash of civilizations a modern crusade pitting SUV-driving radio talk show ranting/listening cruise missile wielding christians and diverse other neocon fascists against desperate intent enraged atomic suitcase carrying aircraft flying bombing internet hacking anthrax vial releasing arabic and islamic terrorists the coral reefs are dying incompetent democratic candidates are giving ground weakening under the slick onslaught of street fighting republican thugs the antarctic peninsula's frozen two parts hydrogen and one part oxygen sheets and glaciers are rapidly melting not since the last giant asteroid's collision with our pearly world have species been snuffed out with the present astonishing efficiency without big bucks it is becoming harder to find sufficient oil or fresh water but for precious preserves in another generation rainforests will be gone dense vast rafts of plastic garbage collect in low circulation ocean islands big as texas while at molecular levels the biodegradable bits concentrate industrial poisons we put into the no longer primordial waters their bright bauble-like appearance attracts the deep's denizens from plankton to pelagic sea monsters that people the top of the food chain catch sell and eat its ice flows already gone seals are bearing their drowning young in the st lawrence's liquid expanse we are the final witnesses observing what was wrought in our name by the next millennium our kind too will not be here to see the dawn of a simplified but strikingly novel biosphere...




9/4/04- Daddy daddy the little girl cries my upper right canine tip chipped last night the nerve still raw sensitive yet the universe does not care we are but the swaddling garments for the next generation's share of our DNA after passing which the job here is nearly done we have only then to nurture it in the young ones till they may pass it along too in the grand relay no eunuchs need apply under the law passed then by a conservative legislature all men my aunt was hospitalized and sterilized through the dedicated skill of state doctors after her beautiful locks were shorn and she was electroshocked for depression looking later not so much like the movie star she'd appeared before as a concentration camp victim on nature's decree she was now next to useless her protoplasm simply nutritious protein to sustain a more fertile female's incubation of her host fetus gays celibate monks or nuns post-menopausal women all decrease the commodity supply for those on biology's A list fecund and formed for eager fucking broadly hipped for easy delivery and large breasted for the ample suckling feast of the hungry little new life codes' handy carrying sacks all else is incidental here in the biosphere women and children go first say all the signs men expendable may serve their purpose defending the precious gene packets on the front lines their loins temporarily held in reserve on the remote chance all other of their species' healthy transmittable manly chromosomes should be obliterated by volcanic eruption saber toothed tiger tsunami disease starvation or a colossal terra collision with a hurtling asteroid...

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