July, 2013: 3
7/3/13-Wed.-Fran and I visited with my mom from Sunday, 6/30, through yesterday morning. With some difficulty at first, Frances got Mom's computer, phone, and wifi systems working again. They have been periodically on the blink for the past few weeks since she had changed the location of her computer office from her master bedroom to a room off the hallway.
Mom has recently been both: 1. inviting my sister, Alice, and her husband (who've been essentially out of work and close to bankruptcy for several years now, yet doing little constructive about the situation, and who drink wine heavily on a regular basis) to come live with her and so free room, board, and abundant wine; and 2. dreading the possibility they may take her up on the suggestion and so seeking to sell her home and downsize (especially so she would lack enough room for them) before they would have a chance to come to TX. In the process, she's been looking at some unrealistic options for new digs for herself, including cheaper rental places which, however, are in higher crime sections of Waco.
I find myself getting overly engaged in the above situation, wanting to control it, then obsessing over negative potential outcomes as I realize it is not in my capacity to manage such matters.
Have also gotten too worked up about one aspect of how my home group (Friday night) Al-Anon meeting is conducted, taking sides as folks are holding one position or another on the matter of whether or not to use a timer for folks' shares, then seeking to control that outcome as well. Actually in the past few days have been losing sleep over this!
Is it better, if one must choose, to do what one can to manage situations that are not very manageable or to be more tranquil? Put like that the answer is obvious. In fact, clearly it would be advantageous not merely for the person him- or herself to be more calm but also for those around the person that there is a greater air of serenity than if each particular concern is arranged just as he or she might prefer, even if those preferences would have turned out to be correct in most instances (hardly assured).
One thinks of the Dalai Lama who has much "reason" to be upset and stressed out, given the violence of China against his country, Tibet. Yet in conveying an easygoing persona he is far more effective for his own peace of mind and the interests of others.