January, 2014

7 26

1/7/14 - Title: "Others' Opinions vs. Taking Care of Myself"

I am in a gathering at a house (or other building), mostly devotees of Maharaj Dayal Nam Ji. I am older, my present age or close to it, relative to the others gathered here. When Maharji arrives, he sits close to me. Others expect me after a few minutes to leave or at least go to the back, so some of them also have a chance to replace me in being close to Maharaji, but I sense it is alright with Maharji for me to stay, perhaps because there will not be so much opportunity for me to be in his presence later, given my age, and so I enjoy these extended moments of being close to him.

Later there is something about pamphlets that need to be distributed or put way and some question if I have done this correctly.

1/26/14 - Title: "Winter Barracks"

I've just awakened. I'm one of several soldiers bunking in rather austere conditions at night in Eastern Europe, perhaps Poland. There is no heating. I am cold. There are blankets, but they are thin and insufficient. I realize where I am and say "winter barracks." I get up to go pee in the barracks latrine.

[Feeling kind of down over an Alanon situation. I had trained for being an Alateen helper or sponsor and attended several Alateen meetings, but realize, embarrassingly, it is not for me. Now have to let folks know I'll not be continuing as an Alateen helper or sponsor-in-training after all. May take a volunteer position as a library helper at a southeast Austin elementary school instead. The dream notion of getting up "to go pee" suggests self-expression, that I have an urge, for instance, to write or draw, etc. "At night" suggests shadow material is being addressed. "Austere" and "cold" suggest my emotional environment. "Poland" suggests too an emotional setting that is poor. The barracks and my identity as a soldier suggest doing one's duty, an ordered, regulated life, but little obvious satisfaction or joy. My wife also points out that one pronunciation of Barrack sounds like the President's (Obama's) middle name.]

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