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January, 2020
71/7/20 - Title: "Scared as if She'd Seen a Ghost"
It is night. I am in the kitchen. There is a dim light on. Am alone in a house except for a woman older than me [my mother?] who is disabled and needs help being looked after or looking after herself. At times it is hard to get her settled down enough to sleep, for she is prey to significant anxieties, besides her substantial physical impairments. She is dressed for bed in a gown or pajamas and has a cape, robe, or cowl loosely on over that (or them), so when seen at one angle she sort of looks like a stylized verson (version) of a ghost, as if with nobody inside the part over the "head," so that no face would be visible, though otherwise the shape is as if someone is there underneath. I have tried several times tonight to get her settled down enough to rest and thought I had at last been successful, but she is in another part of the house now. I do not know what she is doing or experiencing there. She might be sleeping or awake yet quietly doing something else. Normally, she moves slowly and with difficulty due to her physical limitations.
Suddenly, though, the other person in the house [who sort of seems like my mother, who died a little over a year ago, though perhaps also seeming like Fran's and my dog, Puff, age 16 last month, who often now needs a lot of help generally, especially with calming down enough to fall asleep and stay settled for the night] comes running as fast as she can, probably even faster than I can, heedlessly so, as if in utter terror of something [death?], trying to escape from it. I attempt to put up a hand to stop her as she enters the kitchen, where I am over near the garage door entrance/exit, but she dashes right past my restraining hand and slams into that door so hard she knocks herself out and so falls to the floor next to me. [At that point, I wake up from the nightmare.]
[Am having trouble coming up with an interpretation for this dream. However, three things occur to me that may be relevant: 1. I have since several months ago been tapering off a low dose of Xanax (by now taking only half of the lowest prescription daily dose once per 13 days), and symptoms of withdrawal, even from small amounts, can include bizarre nightmares; 2. During the last years of her life I was often a caregiver for my mom when her illnesses or injuries had rendered her quite challenged for living independently; 3. As already noted above, lately I have been accommodating the special needs of our pet, Puff, and these can frequently be a bit of an ordeal.]
