April, 2010

16 19 23 29

4/16/10 - Title: "Snowstorm"

It is during the day. I'm inside the house, looking out, and see our backyard with new spring growth there. Snow is falling.

[Evidently, the dream suggests that, despite recent new growth, I am now experiencing emotional freezing, a kind of closing down of feelings, instead of open awareness or spontaneous expression of them. A time, perhaps, of retrenchment.

As Janet points out, in reply to my asking her about this dream, that is just how the ego sees it, i.e. overcast with frozen emotion covering things, but actually the dream is there to show me the new growth which, despite the ego's perception of the situation, I can access from the unconscious or shadow parts of myself (backyard). Thus the dream is positive.]

4/19/10 - Title: "Safety Message"

I am given a suggestion or directive by someone (a sponsor? Higher Power?). It involves driving or riding somewhere (San Antonio?) and has at least two parts. They can be typed out and are to be passed along to others.

I have an image of a typed piece of paper, about half a page long, with paragraph spaces and numbered messages, for instance, something like this:

  • 1. Safety first. Be a defensive driver.

  • 2. Good communication. Make your words concise but clear.

[In the late 1960s to early 1970s, I was one of four who organized and led a draft counseling group in Austin, that eventually aided hundreds of young men, helping provide them with info about their legal and extra-legal options, to assist a number of them in staying out or getting out of the military and so avoiding service in Vietnam.

Ironically, in the mid- to late-1970s, needing work, I got a civil service job and was an intern with the Department of the Army and then a safety management specialist, at Fort Lee, VA, and Fort Jackson, SC. In this capacity, among other things, I learned how to write more concisely for safety messages, detailed accident investigation reports, etc., and I taught young soldiers Defensive Driving, conducted safety inspections of buildings, checked training areas, storage sites, etc. The gig allowed me to save enough money to pay most of my way through graduate school, for a masters in rehab. counseling, which I finished in 1980.

A few hours before the dream, I met with my female Alanon sponsor. She summed up our conversation by suggesting, first, that I look into ways my relationships had involved martyrdom, and, second, that I consider being an Alanon volunteer for the 75th International AA Conference, in San Antonio, in early July (which would also mean going for an orientation there on May 1st). She said we might try to get about four people from our Alanon group to go down there together.]

4/23/10 - Title: "To Pee (Pay) or Not to Pee (Pay)"

Scene 1 - Several in my (birth) family have gone on a trip, apparently to Houston or the coast, perhaps Galveston, and are still away. I need to get back (to Austin? to Waco?) before the others. There is something important about twin newborns, evidently only a few days or weeks old, whom I need to look after and care for while the others are away. (Then it is unclear, as though I am concerned about them but they are not with me and so must be with the others. They may be new brothers or sisters (probably sisters) of mine, nieces/nephews, or grandnieces/grandnephews, or my own kids (not clear), but for some reason part of the time I am alone with and caring for them, while some of the time they are with my mom near the Houston or Galveston area and/or with others of my extended birth family there. Typical of tiny babies, they have large heads in proportion to their bodies. They sleep a lot but at other times are awake and, both together, are in a "seat" that helps them sit or ride stably, with their heads cushioned but up. When they are with me alone, I fret over just how to look after them and keep them safe till we rejoin my extended family in Austin (or Waco).

Scene 2 - I am on a road trip, in Southeast Texas, by myself. Am somewhat confused about the way I need to go next, out of a town, from where I've been for a little while. (Not clear if have been there overnight, at a motel, or just for a few hours today.) I seem to have had some business here, needing to see some people, to get some arrangements made. I need to drive on back today to Austin. It will be a long drive, and I am already tired. It is a hot, sunny day. I go into a retail establishment in a rather small-townish area and ask for direction to the restroom. I very much need to pee. Before the clerk can answer, some local citizen takes offense. "Been doing some business here?" he asks, knowing I have not bought anything at this shop. He stands and begins walking toward me, as if to further assert his right to keep me from going to the restroom here without buying something, perhaps also to intimidate the clerk into not telling me where it is. I do not want a confrontation, so I say "No," then leave.

Scene 3 - I have stopped in a small TX town (similar to in the second scene). It is hot and sunny, evidently in the afternoon. I still have several hours of driving to get back (to Austin or Waco, probably Austin). Some of the time it has seemed the babies were with me but right now they are not. The rest of the extended family (where the babies likely are now) is still in the coastal or Houston area and will be returning later. I have stopped for a break (bathroom and coffee break) at a family type roadside eaterie (eatery). It is a nice place as TX fast service restaurants go and associated with a motel. I briefly think I'd like to just stay the night at the motel, since I'm tired and as yet have a long way to go, but then I decide not to get the fresh start in the morning but to go on today instead, remembering that I must get back today, even if quite late.

As I start to get up, I see Frank C. standing near the entrance with a woman. They are evidently waiting to be seated. Frank and I see each other and say "Hello" in the hearty fashion of folks who have not seen each other in a long while, and we ask how each other are. We chat briefly, politely. We do not get into specifics, but both say we are doing OK and "Nice to see you," and then it is time for me to pay my restaurant bill and get back on the road.

[Frank C. - Knew him for close to 20 years. A colleague in my state caseworker job. First I retired and then, two or three years later, he did. Several years before my retirement he had transferred over to the diplomacy unit, that dealt with adverse contacts (by lawyers, press, politicians, angry claimants, their families, etc.) with our agency. Eventually, he directed that unit, keeping that role till he retired. Frank and I were both smart, but he was clearly the more unflappable of the two of us, able to deal with things a lot better in his "T" (Myers-Briggs) mode than I (as I was more naturally in my "F"). So, he worked out well in the diplomacy unit, whereas it would have driven me up the wall in no time. He has a charming, TX politician's style about him, that also manages to convey genuineness, sincerity. He can often come up with workable solutions in an adversarial situation, ones not apparent to others. Though he is heavily into his thinking or analytical side, he is not without emotion (both positive and negative), and it can give him an inner strength.

I think the dream is partly about my new volunteer work, as an education assistant with an after school class of about 20 disadvantaged kids at a local non-profit facility, because that's the main challenge on my mind just now, but I do not see direct parallels other than that I could really use some of Frank's qualities in this new position.]

4/29/10 - Title: "Lookin' for Love..."

Scene 1 - (Something about) Books in an apartment or house. Others do not want us to read them, but they contain essential, vital, important knowledge. Impression is of a time when some books are banned, and there is a secret society trying to do some good with books despite the bans.

Scene 2 - Looking for food in a refrigerator. Find a thick meat and white bread sandwich. It is commercially wrapped in clear plastic. Am hungry and so am going to open and eat it.

Scene 3 - A narrow gulf of some kind, full of deep water. It lies between two parts of a city. They rise up on either side of it.

Scene 4 - A woman thinks I'll be intimate with her, but instead I'm interested in someone else. She says: "Oh. You're in love with Steeler." I agree this is true and go looking for "Steeler," intending to make love to her.

[All four scenes have, directly or indirectly, to do with something(s) essential between two other things. In scene 4, at least, this is strongly implied and Freudian.

I do not know either woman in scene 4.

"Steeler" (definitely spelled that way in the dream) likely is a double-meaning or a pun name, "Stealer" (someone who steals) of course coming to mind as well, along with ideas like "nerves of steel" or possessing a steel spine (both terms implying courage, strength, or daring). Also reminds of the Pittsberg (Pittsburgh) Steelers.

My close Lifestream Way friend in Petersburg, VA, Esther Dupchek, was from Pittsburgh. I think of her when I think of that city. She was my main friend for a couple years while I lived in VA, when (in my 30s) working for the Dept. of the Army. She was a little psychic and senile, but also very spiritual. Our Lifestream Way Master had visited her in her home in Pittsburgh. Esther had been meditating for about three or more hours a day for over 20 years, and she had begun some of the original Lifestream Way groups in different Eastern cities of the U.S.

Yet this other anima in the dream may have been a "stealer" too, taking my attentions from the anima who had expected them. That part of the dream is puzzling to me.

The two animas in scene 4 and two things "sandwiching" something(s) important between them (in each of the scenes) suggest dawning awareness.

The books may be taken metaphorically, as about important wisdom to be cherished and protected, but also as carnal knowledge (things going on "under the covers").

The gulf suggests unconscious material of some depth, a way of accessing intuition and emotions.

The refrigerator apparently indicates preservation but also may indicate some cooling of emotions, while the sandwich could represent nourishment, i.e. nurturing I am about to give myself. As with the other suggestions of dawning awareness, it may be significant that the plastic (things that are changing) around the sandwich is clear (possesses clarity).

My larger Self in this case may also be about things that are apart (apart-ment), not integrated.

Yet there is evidently imminent integration with an anima (as I go to find and make love to the "Steeler" I am in love with), the one who reminds of the woman who was psychic, senile, and spiritual as well as perhaps the one having a strong spine and nerves of steel. "Steeler" also reminds me of the earthy character "Stella" (Kim Hunter) in the passionate tragic movie (starring Marlon Brando) by Tennessee Williams, "A Streetcar Named Desire."

"banned" might be a way of implying music (band) and a greater interest in or facility for playing (perhaps with the idea of having fun or enjoying life).

The gulf between two parts also suggests the obvious, a deep rift between aspects of myself or between me and someone (or something) else in ordinary reality.]

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