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June, 2010
3 176/3/10 - Title: "Amateur Science Guy"
I am with a group of kids, leading them on a short nature and science walk and showing them interesting related things along the way.
6/17/10 - Title: "Close Shaves"
(Long, involved dreaming in which I remember only two scenes, but there were several other related ones through the night...)
First Scene - I am returning home alone at night. In a dimly lit vacant area of overgrown grasses, weeds, and shrubs, but with a few paths near a freeway overpass, suddenly from my left there is a quick sound like the leaves (meant wings) of a large bird in flight quite near my head, and something sharp has sped by so close to my head and with such force that I think it must have shaved part of my hair. A moment later, it happens again, and I realize someone from off to my left has fairly accurately hurled sharp stones, hatchets, or knives at me. If he has another chance, he likely will kill me. With only a fraction of an inch lower aim, he would have done so already.
Last Scene - The lighting is dim, and I am in a tunnel or underground room at night, standing behind a gang leader who has chosen to be my protector. One of his henchmen comes up to him and proposes that one of the leader's main women gang members be given a test of her loyalty to him. She will be given a tray with drugs and a hypodermic needle she is to administer to me, knowing I am under his protection. If she fills the needle with a non-harmful solution and administers this, she can still be trusted. But it would be easy for her to instead give me a quite harmful and perhaps deadly shot. The gang leader agrees to his henchman's suggested test. It will also be a test of my trust in the leader. And there are those, many in fact, who want me dead.
[I have just a few associations right now to this dream. I do not know, in reality, anyone in it. I think if we take the first scene as setting up a problem and the second as its partial resolution, at least there is progress, in that in the latter one, I am to a degree accepted into a gang of characters who are to a degree loyal to one another and trustworthy, though there is clearly a sense that the trust must be checked and verified. The ego feels significantly at risk in both scenes but is a little less so in the second. The shadows are at times not completely straightforward and seem ready to use violent means to accomplish their ends, but they are at least active and masculine doers.
Since hair is often related to spirituality and somewhat also to personal power (Samson), the first scene's partial shavings by an adversary from the left suggests a threat to or loss of my spiritual connection and sense of security, confidence, or power, in this case apparently due to feelings, intuition, or unconscious material.
From the second scene, I suspect there are Alanon type issues involved (drugs, which may or may not be harmfully administered by my anima, who in turn may or may not be trustworthy). This likely has to do with co-dependence factors. I feel like my relationship with Fran is to an extent a balancing act involving playing into my co-dependency vulnerabilities vs. being less engaged in that negative way. In addition, I meet tonight with my female sponsor. I am still working through Alanon's Step 4 workbook. She had suggested in this connection that tonight we discuss relationships.]