June, 2011

15 18 22 29

6/15/11 - Title: "Alternately Blocked Breathing"

I have had some type of facial surgery, especially affecting my nose and nostrils. I am having trouble breathing now and, as I observe myself, I see that my right nostril (left in my image of myself, but actually right from my true perspective) has grown closed, so there is no nostril there at all. The left nostril (right in my image, as I observe myself, but actually left from my true perspective) is still barely open, but it has grown in a lot too, so that the remaining opening in the nostril is far smaller than usual, about like that of a little plastic stirrer straw, as for coffee or tea. Indeed, in the dream as I experience my breathing through my nose it is absent on the right (the grown over nostril) and is there, but diminished, on the left.

[This experience of breathing restriction is exactly accurate, once I wake up, though fortunately the cause is not as in the dream, probably being due to allergies instead. By the time I finish writing this dream down, though, the breathing blockage has shifted from my actual right nostril - presently clear - to my left, so I can now breathe freely again on the right and not on the left.

Later: The Wed. night dream group analyzed this dream and indicated the alternation that seems recommended by example in the dream represents, on the right, the masculine energy, which is rational, logical, practical, and more detached from feelings, when breathing is through that nostril, while breathing through the left nostril is indicative of my feminine energy, such as feelings, intuition, and unconscious material. It was suggested that I focus on alternately the right vs. the left nostril breathing, to assure ongoing better balance between my masculine and feminine energy selves and modes of being vs. doing, etc. They felt too that it is significant that I have already had facial surgery, i.e. how I present myself to others has changed, likely for the better.]

6/18/11 - Title: "Big Dog Attentions"

I am on a kind of wide pedestal or cube, about 4 or so feet across, deep, and high. At first it seems the same in all dimensions of its edges (longer, of course, diagonally, or from corner to corner), but then it also seems that I am to sleep on top or have been trying to sleep there, and it would not be long enough for that if only 4 feet on a side, so maybe it was bigger, or maybe it was more rectangular, allowing enough room for my 5 foot, 6 inch body to lie up there parallel to two edges and sides.

My rest is interrupted before I can get to sleep, though, by a very big dog which leaps up here with me from the adjoining floor at the "top" of the pedestal area. In other words, if I were to draw the pedestal in relation to where the dog jumped from, it (the drawing) would show the area of floor from which he jumped to be at the top, or to my right relative to my original head (on left of the drawing) to foot (on right of the drawing) orientation or position, as I had been attempting to rest. Thus, from my position at rest, the dog jumped up from to my right, but from the point of view if I were drawing the whole scene, it leaped up from the top.

There is a man there who apparently is the dog's handler or owner, but he does not have it on a leash, and it more or less does what it wants, so the man actually does not control the dog, is lucky to even have it take notice of him. This man apologizes for the dog disturbing me. However, by then I am playing in a kind of rough, hearty way with the big, affectionate, playful dog, and I just tell the man it is alright, that I am enjoying being with the dog.

The vigorous play with the dog entails some hazard that I may fall off the pedestal, though it does not feel like this is a big threat since the pedestal is not all that high. I might get hurt if I fall, but almost certainly would not suffer a severe injury.

[The fact that this play is occurring on a several feet high pedestal is probably relevant. There must be some way I as the ego am attempting to do certain activities from a pedestal vantage point. In Alanon terms, it is possible I have put myself on a pedestal with respect to completing most of the 12-Steps, though actually this is no big deal, and, as I understand it, one never finishes with the step work in the Alanon program. It is, rather, always a matter of going a little deeper into things, like removing layers of an onion, but the ego may need to take a new look at the situation and see that his current level of progress is actually nothing special.

The numbers in this dream suggest dawning awareness, transformation (a cube being the same length in 3 dimensions), manifestation in reality, patience, waiting, and flexibility. A cube may also suggest unity, wholeness, or integration.

My shadow in this dream, the man who is, or thinks he is, the dog's handler, seems a little too into control as well as co-dependent. His attitude and comment are appropriate if he is in fact the dog's owner or handler, but not if the dog is really my higher power (HP).

Typically, my dreams have a dog as a symbol of my higher power (the dreaming mind being able to read equally well forward and backward, and so "dog" being also "god"). In this HP conception, the ego and HP are having a roughly playful, affectionate personal connection. It is no doubt significant that in doing my Alanon Step 11 maintenance efforts, I am seeking to have a better connection with my HP as well as to understand my HP's will for me (here evidently simply to enjoy my interaction with the HP), then to have the strength to carry that out. Vigorous play, naturally, can be a fun way of developing muscles, and in this instance it is perhaps my spiritual strength that is being developed.

Janet also points out too that since at the end I am playing with the dog, there is now an ongoing positive interaction with my HP, a greater depth of engagement with my spiritual realm.]

6/22/11 - Title: "Alien Intruders"

First Scene - I have a house similar to my actual one, with one story. I am at home. Workmen or movers have been tromping in and out. Big wooden crates have been left in the living room. They evidently contain big aquariums. Later I see the aquariums set up and full of water as well as with abundant sea life specimens. In particular, I notice that there are at least one octopus, some jellyfish, & other creatures. The lighting in the water is such that they look beautiful in the fluidity of their motions. The octopus has an alien looking mouth and eyes.

A woman is here. I think she is their handler or caretaker and is responsible for the sea creatures. She is beautiful and almost nude. Looking at me, she puts a lovely hand into the large aquarium with the octopus and into its large mouth, then removes her hand without injury, as though demonstrating that the octopus is safe. She picks up some other creature and puts it back. It feels fun and neat having all this sea life here.

Second Scene - I am at home. My house is like my own, but there's an attic. I share the house with my wife. She's Black, fleshy (almost fat), independent, & emotional, even childish.

I have either been away or asleep and am back. There is noise, as though men must be loudly tromping around up in the attic, doing or moving something there.

I become upset, alarmed & angry about the intruders, angry with my wife for inviting or allowing them in. She says nothing when I angrily yell that we must get them out of there. The loud tromping continues. I just yell more that they shouldn't be there, must be gotten out of there.

Then I see something - without my glasses I cannot tell exactly what - it looks like a man standing, three or four feet up on a platform at the other end of the living room from where I am (as I'm on floor level). He is looking my way, a man's height but entirely too thin to be human. An alien or a trick of my blurry vision?

I yell, even louder, in anger & panic, that he get out of here. I can't tell if he understands me, but he doesn't respond. His gaze seems alien, like I am a curious phenomenon to him or like he could destroy me with his eyes alone.

[Later.This dream was interpreted by the Wed. night dream group. They concluded regarding mainly the first scene that: 1. The first and second scenes are roughly mirror images of each other, two versions of one dream, though elements are similar in both; 2. There is a titillation aspect to the first scene, but no sexual consummation; 3. The imagery about the octopus suggests 8 "pussies" or an 8-armed "pussy;" 4. However, the ego seems bothered by the pussy, concerned about its possible destructiveness, as in the octopus' mouth or "vagina" (beak or "teeth" which might "bite," except that it does not "bite" the woman's hand inserted into it, which itself perhaps suggests female masturbation or else that she is feeding it (not "biting" the hand that feeds it) or both; 5. The number 8 (number of octopus arms or legs) also suggests infinity (the infinity symbol, except upright instead of horizontal); 6. Hence there is the suggestion of infinity within the feminine; 7. Sea life may be about seeing life, as in observing the moment to moment experiencing of one's life in meditation or otherwise; 8. There is a beautiful fluidity in scene one, indicative of a fluidity of emotions or, again, of the feminine; 9. The crates may be about moving furniture, which concerns relationships, or may be about the pun, i.e. crates = creates; 10. The meditation observing is seen as "alien," devoid of emotion, and the octopus' mouth or "pussy" is without individuality, being instead like pure passion or destructiveness; 11. It is interesting that in the just prior dream there was a male handler for an animal, and in this scene there is a female handler for sea creatures, also interesting that neither my wife nor the "alien" responds to my yelling or being upset.

Concerning mainly the second scene, the group thought 1. An attic may be "a tic," a dysfunctional yet repeated behavior or attitude; 2. Whereas the first scene suggested for the most part positive ways of being open to life, the second scene is a more closed, paranoid, or pessimistic approach to things; 3. They wondered what glasses, or the absence of them, may be a metaphor for, perhaps a particular way of seeing or observing, one completely without emotions or curiosity and so seemingly alien, fuzzy, or uncomfortable; 4. An attic may also be about a higher level of awareness or spirituality or about hidden memories, entanglements, unresolved feelings or issues, etc. 5. Detachment, as in observing in meditation, does not, the group contends, mean to be devoid of emotion but, instead, to not have a negative "hook" or an addictive need to engage in or obsess over what one is observing; 6. If I cannot see life properly without my glasses, then I need to put my glasses (perspective?) back on; 7. The anima (wife) in the second scene is emotional, not communicative, and "even childish," suggesting these aspects are part of my feminine energy side; 8. However, she is in contrast to my actual wife, who is much more intellectual; 9. The shadow may be a conception of my HP, but one felt to be so uninvolved in human affairs or in my life personally as to seem alien and potentially harmful; 10. In the second scene there is an ineffective attempt to control things, coupled with anxiety an anger, evidently over the lack of control; 11. It may be helpful to ask for another dream, to get better clarification of the messages and issues presented here.]

6/29/11 - Title: "Mother and Daughter in a New Light"

A large Black woman dances into a living room area, as though oblivious of me or others there. She has a sort of glum, vacant expression on her face. It is not as though she is dancing lightheartedly, but as if she is taunting the others with her odd behavior, as though it is an angry act, a kind of acting out or rebellion.

I realize the woman is the mother of (?). (Unclear to me. It is as though she is the mother of Nina, who is Sharon's mother, but the images I have are of both Nina and of Sharon, or alternately the one, then the other.)

This allows me to see both mother and daughter in a new light, with understanding and compassion.

As we are going down an L-shaped hall toward the door, outside, me closest to the door on the left, and she on my right, I tell her (? - I think the "her" here is the Black woman, but am not sure) "I love (?)" (meaning Sharon, I think, but again am not sure). "I know," she says, and at that point she is not an odd woman at all, but someone who can relate with intelligence, intuition, and empathy.

[I do not know the Black woman. She is taller than I am but also quite overweight. She is probably in her 50's and also at least 50 pounds too heavy for good health.

In reality, I have puzzled over Nina, who is eccentric, hard to understand in her attitudes and behaviors. I have been judgmental toward her. She spends money compulsively, frequently runs off, leaving her husband, my brother Allen, to look after the two kids by himself in his few hours of free time from work, and she promised him she would not eat meat herself or have it, serve it, or prepare it in their house. Yet soon after they got married she broke the promise, and now eats large quantities of meat, buys it and brings it into their house, fixes it in front of him, and encourages their kids to eat it too, both at home and in restaurants when they go out. (Allen is a vegetarian both because of his meditation path guidelines and caring for the animals. He had wanted to assure, before he got married, that anyone living with him would be vegetarian as well and that any children would be brought up in a vegetarian lifestyle.)

In the dream, it was as though I really understood Nina for the first time, after seeing her mother, but maybe her "mother" was simply an older version of her.

I do not know if it was Nina, her daughter Sharon, or both I meant when I said "I love (someone)."

Nina is in her thirties and is from Ecuador. I think she is partly Black, partly Indian, and she tends to be childish or child-like, glum at one time, unusually happy at another, very impulsive, silent for long periods, then quite loquacious, etc. Occasionally one can see another, deeper side of her, as when on my visit with she, Allen, and the kids last month, I asked if she ever felt unhappy, and she immediately told a family secret, saying she was very sad after Allen recently threatened to leave her if she kept spending so much money.

Later, when Allen was kind of throwing a tantrum, bitching about every little thing, and I was obviously upset about it but being quiet, she asked me what I was thinking, knowing full well I was upset by Allen's behavior, and when I obliquely referred to how people's opinions keep bouncing off each other in ways that rob the moment of its joy, she tried to cheer me up, saying we didn't have to take it seriously. "Why make a big deal about it?" she asked.

Sharon is 8 years old and tends to be, unlike her brother who is probably brilliant, just OK in the smarts department, but is often very energetic, joyful, and full of excitement, easily charmed and thrilled, as by my dog or by a bungee cord swing at the mall that went really high at times. She is a lot of fun to play with, for instance tag or hide-and-seek.]

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