July, 2011

4 5 6 20 22 27 31

7/4/11 - Title: "Co-dependence vs. Independence Day Dream"

I am in a co-ed university rooming house of some type. A professional man is telling some of us, young men and women students living here, that we need counseling, evidently suggesting his services. I point out that the university has its own counseling center, adding that in each of the three colleges I have attended the counselors at the counseling center had been good and helpful.

In an unknown way, this also has to do with a student publication, "The Daily Texan" or another like it, and now it seems the professional may have been a reporter. In the dream, the conversation starts me thinking that maybe I need to go see a university counselor again, though I had not been thinking along these lines before.

There is something about the early morning routine (still dark outside) at the rooming house needing to be better coordinated among we residents. A woman here says something to me. We have a short conversation in this connection as I am about to do my morning routine, starting with shaving.

[I do not know any of the people in the dream, and have only been a student in two universities, though I have recently compared completing the Alanon 12-step program to getting another masters degree. In connection with the word "counselor," I think of the phrase in "Messiah," by Handel: "Counselor, Almighty God, the everlasting Father..." which suggests to me that this is partly about Alanon and Steps 11 or 12, having to do with a better connection with one's higher power (HP) and having had a spiritual experience.

The number 3 suggests transformation. Since it is a co-ed rooming house, it must have to do with both masculine and feminine energy aspects of myself. The references to universities suggest both unity (or integration) and higher learning. "Young" may refer either to age or to Jung.

I keep journals (dream, Alanon, and misc. personal). The entries might be seen as a kind of reporting. "Morning routine" could refer to a "mourning routine," a habit of grieving, perhaps legitimate experiencing of and adjusting to losses, or perhaps indulging too much in a pessimistic, glass is half-empty outlook. "Still dark outside" may be interpreted as showing that I still see the outer (or real world) experience as relatively dark.

I suspect a pun in the word "shaving," but at this point do not get it or have any association to it other than a dream just before my May-June vacation, in which I was having such a close shave that the skin was removed down to the blood and muscles on my lower face and into part of my neck area. This, in turn, suggested a level of genuineness (without a facade) that might have been painfully extreme.

"Counseling center" may have a spiritual connotation, a center within oneself or for meditation where one may meet the Counselor, i.e. one's HP.]

7/5/11 - Title: "To Pee or Not to Pee..."

I am at (inside) a huge theater type building, with lavish decorations and abundant thick (plush) carpeting in various hues of mostly red. Expensive lighting is employed here, as from chandeliers or the kinds of lighting one sees at gems (gem) and minerals (mineral) museums, but it leaves things fairly dark in places. There are no windows in the many halls or stairwells.

There is to be a wedding this afternoon. I am evidently not one of the principals and do not recall who is getting married. My nephew Jim is here, arriving later than I do, along with some other people whom he knows, but I do not. I also see a large number of elegantly dressed young to middle-aged women here (none known or remembered in reality).

I get a program and have something else (my invitation?), but before time to go in (which I assume is on the hour, though I'm not sure, it being now about 15-20 minutes, then 10-15 minutes, etc., before the hour), I need to pee. This is not a new urgency. It has been with me since I arrived at the theater about an hour ago, and I have already gone to at least five different men's rooms in that time, but still feel great need to go and go, feeling it again within less than a minute after each time I urinate. Each time, there is difficulty finding a men's room nearby, but eventually I do, each of several times.

The men's rooms, like the theater itself, are ornate, reminding me of how they might have looked 100-200 years ago. Some of the urinals are little (like) little fountains, the constantly flowing water swiftly flushing away the urine of those who pee into them.

Someone (another man in this men's room) notices that I have already used one ornate urinal and now am already moving to another. I am holding my penis still out but closed to avoid wetting on things between the two urinals. "I could do this all day!" I tell him in exasperation, then let fly at the next urinal.

When I leave one of the men's rooms, I forget to take the program and the other thing (which may be the invitation). I do not know which men's room I left them in and have no hope of finding them before the top of the hour. I also already, again, need to pee again, but there is probably not enough time before I'll need to find and attend the wedding, no doubt feeling a great, painful urgency to urinate throughout the service.

[My nephew Jim is brilliant and creative. He is the only child of my deceased brother, Ralph, who died at age 38 of a brain tumor. Jim is a very good amateur as well as professional dancer and dance teacher, has a terrific sense of humor, lives in the moment better than a lot of people, and says his dad's early death impressed upon him the importance of appreciating things here and now, not putting them off but intently going for what has real meaning and reward for you. He seems, indeed, to always dance his way through life, though I do not get the impression he spends much of his time with his feelings. He has good relationships with two highly intelligent and beautiful women, variously his roomates, companions, sometimes dance partners, sometimes lovers (? - one definitely, the other maybe).

I note that weddings in dreams may be about actual weddings, but may also be about the imminent death of someone in the real world or about the death of some part(s) of ourselves within.]

7/6/11 - Title: "Death Wish"

I seem to be an observer in this dream rather than a participant. There is a high indoor balcony overlooking a large open indoor area, an atrium perhaps. But instead of a natural setting in this open area, it is simply open in the upper part, then filled with office equipment or stored filing cabinets, piled up on the floor far below or at the sides, against the walls. The balcony is probably about 4-5 stories up. There is a short barrier, easily climbed over, between the balcony and the big open area in front of it. A young woman, unusually thin, leaps over the balcony barrier, as though intent on killing herself with the fall. Another woman, stouter, not fat, simply well proportioned and fit, as if divining what the first woman was about to do and already preparing to respond, leaps after the first in such a way as to grab the first woman and force the two of them into the stacks of stored materials on one side below, thus cushioning and partially breaking their falls. Her maneuver is successful, and they are but badly shaken up after sliding against some materials on one side and then hitting the storage containers a little below them.

A second time, later, the thin woman leaps out into the open area from the balcony. Again her fall is not nearly as severe as it would have been because of the instant reaction of the other woman who leaps after her, though both are shaken up quite badly and have minor injuries.

A third time, somewhat later, the thin young woman again takes to the air from the balcony above. Just as the first and second times, the healthier appearing woman leaps after her, but this time not so well breaking their falls on the storage materials below or at the sides. The air is knocked out of her by the impact, but at the last split-second before it she manages to grab the thin woman (who is slightly farther down) by an arm, stopping her from killing herself but apparently with injuries to both women's arms. In addition, the impact this time has been severe enough that neither woman is still conscious afterward.

Each of these scenes begins and ends very rapidly, as if the leaps are in real time and there is almost nothing preceding or after them. (I wake up after the third scene, alarmed that the thin woman has come so close to her goal of killing herself and has now almost taken the other woman with her.)

[I had a dream the day before, about a huge, ever repeated, and almost incessant urge to pee, and had called it "To Pee or Not to Pee." But it seems today's dream could more accurately be called "To Be or Not to Be." One anima clearly has not only a life wish but a strong nurturing urge to protect the other woman from herself. It may be in fact that the healthier woman should just worry about herself and not keep leaping after and trying to save the thin woman. The latter is clearly intent on "not being" and evidently does not care whom she takes down with her.

In driving recently, I seem to be having incidents of inadequate alertness and caution, more than once almost driving into heavy, fast moving traffic and also falling asleep at least twice while on my last trip, to NM and CO, so I was going about 70 miles an hour and had briefly "fallen" asleep, my car veering off to the right, only awakened by the tires making a short roar as they passed over the little ridges at the edge of the shoulder.]

7/20/11 - Title: "School Volunteer"

Scene 1 - I am an adult on school grounds. There is a wood construction temporary school building (possibly from old World War II temporary barracks and other temporary army base construction which, however, is still in use now, converted into school facilities, since folks have not wanted to pay for modern schools which would cost a lot more). It is dusk or nighttime. Apparently the setting is during a war. Some light is from old battery flashlights, and some from kerosene lanterns (or another kind of lantern with petroleum fuel and little flames and wicks). (Overall, the scene reminds me of film footage of London at night during the Blitz and of army or navy base buildings, originally intended to be temporary, being used for schools that I attended when I was growing up.) I seem to be a voluntee (volunteer) and am trying to keep the kids safe who are students in this school building. There are potential bombs and explosions. Both while it is light and now, after dark, I look around, hoping to see something hazardous or, if I find a bomb, clear it out of there before it goes off. I wonder if I shall have enough guts to deal with a real bomb and the potential for being blown up.

Scene 2 - (Same setting as above, but...) There has already been one explosion and part of the temporary school building nearest me is on fire. Several people, men and women, are responding, trying to help make sure no kids have been hurt and to find and remove any new explosive devices that may be in the temporary wooden structure that serves as an elementary grades school building here. I am anxious, but now at least know I have the courage to go into dangerous places. Another explosion could go off any second. Even with the fires in part of this wooden schoolhouse, there is too little light no (on to) see well in places while looking for hurt children or new bombs. I hope for better lighting to be brought in or given to me soon and, meanwhile, just do the best I can be (by) the (dim) light already available.

[While going to sleep, I had asked my HP for a dream showing what I need to see now. The potential and actual explosions as well as the flames suggest dealing with anger. However, it appears this is not the ego's anger, since in the dream I am seeking to deal with explosions before they occur or to mitigate the damage afterward, yet they are not mine. In some fashion there are bombs which may go off, and at least one does. So, it seems something (unknown at this time) in my environment is explosive, apt to result in a blow-up. I am hoping to protect my personal projects and/or my growing and creative aspects - the kids - so this seems positive. Also, both my anima and shadow energy aspects, as well as the ego, are engaged in the second scene in trying to make the situation better, another positive, indicating some integrated response to the potential explosion of ire that may be imminent. That all this occurs in an elementary school or school ground setting suggests it is about issues involving growth and learning on a rather basic - elementary - level.]

7/22/11 - Title: "Optimistic Forecast"

(Something about) A wise old man (or HP?) is observing me practicing being a grownup. He says (to someone else, not to me) "He will be mature and successful."

Title: "Fast Nurturance To Go"

I have been driving in the dark and now am in an unfamiliar place. I am unsure in this new, rural setting, possibly lost. It is still dark out but is almost morning. I stop at a bright little to-go (only) junk food stand or shop in an open, arid place. I am out of my car and facing it now, but as I drove on the two-lane road it was just to my left, barely off the road's shoulder. There are no trees or other buildings around, so the sunrise will soon be dramatic. Hot, fresh Tex-Mex food is bought and served out of a window at this place, the little adjoining kitchen visible through and behind it. There are evidently two people working the stand, one taking the orders and money and then passing the food out, the other cooking and preparing the food. I think the one at the window is an Hispanic woman, and that an Hispanic man is working behind her. Perhaps they are a husband and wife team who own and run the stand. I am the only customer right now. I decide on a kind of burrito or taco with hot and tasty ingredients - like scrambled egg with hot salsa plus greasy chunks of potato or fried bacon pieces and large sections of avocado all wrapped together in a warm soft flour or wheat tortilla. As I watch, it is made fresh for me in a few minutes. The odors are making my mouth water, and I can hardly wait to sink my teeth into the food once I have it.

[I am only getting bits of these interpretations. In the first dream, it has an optimistic aspect, a comment on growth or a spiritual connection. Re Alanon, in case that is relevant, I have completed the 12-step program the first time through.

In the second dream, the emotions seem to run from feeling unsure or anxious, at the beginning, to eagerness to get into something that will be quite fulfilling and nurturing, at the end.

I think of Hispanic people as tending to be more into their emotions than most White Anglos. This is maybe reinforced by the stand being on the left.

There also seems to be potential movement (not just in the emotions from beginning to end of the dream but also) from darkness to light. With mourning (morning), which seems imminent, there may also be a dramatic sunrise, which could be increased insight or wisdom or spirituality or ? The shadow and anima team providing fast and delicious nurturance indicate some positive integration, I think.

That I am sort of lost in an arid place suggests, though, that in some fashion I feel I have lost my way and lack any deep emotional connection. The only reference to moisture is my mouth watering in anticipation of the nurturance I am about to enjoy.

I think there may be a pun in the place where I get food being a stand (by the side of the road), but the meaning of that eludes me.

The place that I get the food is a window, perhaps a new perspective. Dawning awareness is suggested by the Hispanic pair.]

7/27/11 - Title: "Filled to the Brim"

Scene One - Along with a throng of other people who have been waiting, at least 50-60 men and women adults, perhaps more, when it is permitted I enter a big open, well lit area on an upper floor (on the 2nd or 3rd floor, I believe). This place is like a large dance hall, the floor here polished till it reflects, and has large windows instead of walls on three sides.

We are all here to see one or more of the seers. It seems several people of extraordinary intuitive ability are on hand to focus their talents on those who have been waiting.

Once we enter, the crowd more or less equally dispersed about the hall (its size roughly 50 by 100 feet), the intuitive ones bid us turn around, so we are facing away from them and looking out. As the one windowless wall is at a narrow end of the hall, the huge windows would allow for almost 360 degrees of vision, except that it is now dark, nighttime outside.

As I am standing facing away from the seers, suddenly I feel an intimate embrace from behind and to my left and am enveloped in a kind of cocoon of power. It is like a strong electric field that wraps me head to foot and isolates me, the woman, and her words from the rest of the throng.

This seer ("seeress?") is the actress who played the lead in "Chocolat" (Juliette Binoche). She is obviously delighted to see me. She says they (the seers here) have known me and been awaiting my (physical) return since before I was born. A deep sadness comes over me, as though all that is not genuine is removed, and I am left with this feeling. I know that she also is aware this has been with me since before my birth. Nonetheless, she conveys telepathically that what we are about, really, even with great awareness and sadness, is a depth of intense love and joy. She points out that there are 3 themes in my life (which I promptly forget on awakening). The overall impressions in the dream are of awareness, love, acceptance, and yet sadness, impressions reflective of my whole life, since before birth, yet there being more ahead, before it is time to die.

Scene Two - I am in an open, natural area with multiple smaller buildings. It is something like a campground with cabins, but that is not exactly it. There is much detail forgotten, but the impression is of a dreaming or visionary awareness, of having left a cot-like bed that is out in the open as dawn is lighting up the sky, and of a rich awareness, with almost more deep feeling, sadness and joy at once, than I can bear.

7/31/11 - Title: "To Shirk or Not to Shirk One's Duty"

Scene One - Something about an old wooden sailing ship. It has a large crew, all or mostly men. For some reason, they are not doing their jobs properly, so the ship is kind of floating along without direction or efficiency. People are not cooperating with one another and are not under any kind of real direction. The captain is acting rather out of it, disabled or in some other way negligent in his duties. There is danger of the ship foundering, running aground, or of simply not reaching its intended destination. I try to get the captain to remember himself enough to resume his proper duties, but am skeptical I shall be successful. I do not know how to run the ship myself. If he will not do his job, we are all in a bad way.

Scene Two - Some situation similar to the first scene, except on the mainland. There is a complex operation of some kind which needs to be well led. Many people are involved. The head of the company or operation is delinquent, not carrying out his duties. Again, I want to make him get with it and act as he should. I do not know how to accomplish this, much less run the entire operation myself.

Scene Three - I am a student in a literature class. We are meeting in a school or a library. I am to write a book report each on two books which I have evidently checked out of the library. One is a science fiction book. The other may be as well, though I am not sure. (It is a mystery what it is.) It could be a mystery book or another science fiction one, an ordinary novel, or a work of non-fiction.

I am the first of several students who go to the (male) teacher - between classes in my case, but at a new class meeting the other students do as well - for more advice or guidance on what is required for the reports.

We could have simply done the assignment and turned in work as we thought appropriate, and that likely would have been good enough. However, once we ask the teacher for more info on how to do it, he obliges with suggestions that are for much more detailed and research-intensive ways of completing the work than I or the others had expected. By asking, we have just increased the workload quite a bit and given up much of the potential in it for independence and creativity. He tells us he wants a brief author bio with each report and also wants us to include certain specifics in how the books are analyzed. A more regimented, serious, and time-consuming effort is now needed.

At least I have a handle on how I shall do the science fiction report, no idea at all yet on how to approach the other book, about which I know only that it, like the sci-fi one, is a hardback that has a protective plastic cover typical of the books from a library and has tall, light colored lettering in the title, so that the title (not remembered) of each of the books takes up much of the front cover.

I am discouraged by how extensive the assignment turns out to be. For a little while, I consider not turning it in or even dropping the course. Then I decide I shall go ahead and complete the work. I get ready to begin doing it, though I am still regretful, a little worried, and kind of irritated with how much work it will be, particularly since this is partly my own fault and that of the other students who asked for specific guidance from the teacher and so made things worse for ourselves.

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