August, 2014

1 3 12 26

8/1/14 - Title: "I Like You Two (Too), But Need to Pee"

A young woman, Carmen Diaz when she played a major role in "There's Something About Mary," is flirting with me as a new guest in a huge mansion of a house where Carmen evidently lives with her parents. They are immensely rich and successful. Her flirting takes the form of repeatedly and teasingly trying to come into the guest bathroom when I am in there trying, so far unsuccessfully, to take a pee. I can find, after several tries, no lock for the bathroom door, and at one point even the door is in question, replaced by a plastic curtain, like a shower curtain, that Carmen easily pushes aside, laughing when she thus sees me with my penis out as, once again, I force her back out of the bathroom. I must admit to liking her personal attentions and finding her very attractive, but the peeing really needs to be done and cannot be accomplished under these circumstances.

[Of Carmen Diaz, as of that age at least, I'd say she is confident, funny, and sexy, so not a bad anima to have, especially one evidently seeking greater intimacy/integration with the ego. The dream also indicates a need for expression. There are some boundary issues, with the ego/small-self/identity feeling he cannot assure adequate privacy or avoid others intruding into his life or business. The huge house, where Carmen lives and I as the ego am a guest, suggests than my anima is very secure and that her larger self is vast in potential for being and expression. The reference to two in the title suggests perspective or perhaps dawning awareness of the insight conveyed by the dream. References to shower or bath would apparently indicate that immersion in emotion may be going on or in the offing.]

8/3/14 - Title: "Being a Victim and Fighting Back"

A series of violent encounters between me and one or more others, mostly at night. In one, for instance, a man laughingly confronts me, as I'm on my way home, more or less dares me to do anything to stop him, and then begins beating me up, meanwhile criticizing me for my choices of clothes and ways of talking and walking, essentially saying he could do what he wanted to me because I do not deserve to exist. Later, I attack him with a golf club, doing great damage, and tell him if he bothers me again I'll do worse and might just kill him.

[Clearly, a lot of anger issues, a shadow with great judgment toward the ego small-self, whom he perceives as weak and not deserving of life, and some anger and boundary issue response. No evidence of integration, healing, or wholeness, except that perhaps after the last remembered incident, the shadow has a bit more fear of and respect for the ego. In the external reality, this dream likely reflects the perception that a number of men, perhaps a majority, in my Alanon men's group believe people, including me, should be more or less Christian, conservative, and macho, and should want to go to their special retreats and endorse how great their form of Alanon is, thinking that if someone, like me, is not those things, then I am resistant, a rebel, not one of the guys, and so they are not as comfortable with or friendly toward me as if I were conformist with their beliefs, activities, and values. Yet, though wanting their acceptance, I am not willing to give up actual beliefs and values to achieve this end, and so there is at least inner if not also some outer tension or conflict.]

8/12/14 - Title: "Slow Learner"

There's a big old-fashioned house in an older, established neighborhood with big yards and shade trees. I'm outside and my dog, Puff, is with me but not under good control. She runs up toward the nearby house. A big dog runs out from inside the house. In less than a second the big dog has mine entirely at its mercy, Puff's whole head, down to her neck, inside the big dog's mouth.

I think I yell for help, and somehow the dog's owner gets the big dog to release Puff before any damage but a bad scare. Nonetheless, soon after that Puff and the other dog have an almost identical encounter, and in a flash once more her head winds up in the big dog's mouth. It seems certain this time she must be killed or at least terribly hurt (and I wake up).

[Of Puff, I would say she is gregarious, playful, and kind of prickly, likely to be snappish if scolded for bad behavior or "encouraged" to move from a favored spot. So, I suppose these may be qualities or attitudes there within me, to either cultivate or avoid. My dog is female and also appears to the left in the encounters with the other, larger dog, which seems male. Thus, Puff probably represents aspects of my feminine side as well as the unconscious, intuition, and feelings. It may not be too great a stretch to assume the big dog represents instead a more traditionally male human outlook, relatively rational, logical, and detached from feelings. So, in the dream scenario, maybe what is occurring is that some emotionally charged issue is being turned over to my more rational side.

Indeed, the female dog representing emotions appears to voluntarily seek out this encounter with my more rational, or at least unemotional, approach to existence, and this occurs not once but twice in the dream, suggesting perspective or dawning awareness.

Especially as this was a nightmare and woke me up, the message of the dream must be an important one. Further, because "dog" can equal "god" in dream language, this situation may be partly about spirituality. One could even say my higher power is "speaking" through the dream, advising a less emotional way of dealing with issues in general and with the main one on my mind the past few days in particular: what to do in a possible choice whether or not to turn my current duties as Mom's administrator and executor over to my brothers, Horace and Ernie, who seem to be as keen to get this tribute to their abilities as I, after over 40 years, am keen to give the honor up.

There is a lingering doubt in my mind about it, that I might thus be shirking my responsibilities. And, of course, it may turn out that, for one reason or another, this is not the best thing to do. In any case, I probably am better served to consider things carefully and dispassionately before proceeding with whatever then seems the correct course.]

8/26/14 - Title: "Late"

My friend, Remus, and, I think, maybe one other man, are meeting in an older, established school or campus building at the end of a testing period. We have been chatting away about this or that in a big bright room in one of the campus buildings, a sort of hall from which there is access to many other rooms. I arrived late, for some reason, and only now, about 3-5 minutes before the 6:00 PM deadline for finishing the testing - which Remus and the other man have already completed - do I realize I had forgotten to actually take the test. A woman is in charge of the testing, and I quickly look for the number, a four-digit number that starts with 3, I believe, of the room where she would be finishing up, thinking maybe I can still get to her in time and by some excuse get a little more time or at least arrange to take it later or get some credit for just showing up. I see the number written in chalk on a small blackboard, and it is 3260 or some other combination like that, starting with 3. The old clock is now showing about 5:59, and I have no idea which way to go to find the room. Remus is astounded that I just forgot to take the exam and had even been wasting time chatting with them (who had finished already). This was a very important test. I've blown it. What will be the consequences? What will the woman supervising the test think? How could I have just forgotten? Even showing up late is not in character. I feel confused, embarrassed, depressed, and anxious.

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