November, 2014

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11/3/14 - Title: "Tiger Power"

A large male tiger has me in his power. I am alone with him in a confined space. He is playful, strong, affectionate, intelligent. We are close, buddies. He licks my face and sort of wrestles with me, and I hug his big furry head and his shoulders. Glad to have him as a friend. He could kill or badly injure me in an instant if his mood were to change.

11/5/14 - Title: "Things Broken, Alone, with Unforeseen Dangers"

Scene One - A big number, like 1600 or 1700, is recurrently coming into awareness. [Mom's street address number is 1604 the White House's street number is 1600.]

Scene Two - Alone in a bleak, isolated area, a place manmade, like a concrete park of some sort. It is hot and intensely sunny. Something I do there results in an unintended breakage, leaving things hazardous for others who come there afterward. Impression is of large, loose pieces of concrete that are cracked and could easily fall and crush someone if they accidentally put their weight on or against something in the park the wrong way. Especially hazardous for kids who might be brought here to play by their parents. Do I report the situation to protect others, thereby admitting my accidental involvement in the breakage?

Scene Three - Something about powerful and poisonous snakes in or on parts of the concrete park, increasing further the dangers there. Again I am alone there, no other people about, and wondering if I should report the situation or just let others look after themselves.

11/6/14 - Title: "Wrong Turn"

Anxious. Close to dusk. On foot on a narrow road, the only one, heading home. I believe the road goes into an industrial area, then into one particular manufacturing operation. Evidently I went a wrong way, for soon I am inside a factory on a still more narrow path, an elevated one for unfinished products, on their way to be finished in the next manufacturing or packaging steps. Just as I'd be caught in one of the mechanical procedures, I somehow get off the product line. The way back to the road is unclear. It's likely through an exit off to my left. I hope I can find the way back to the road home.

11/8/14 - Title: "Magic Man"

Scene one - A child was not being well cared for, apparently was both neglected and abandoned (or orphaned) by its parents. I become her substitute parent (no legal adoption; I just care for the child, so that it becomes a defacto reality). She is now several years old, not yet a teenager.

There is also a big gentle dog whom we both love and who loves playing and being with us.

Scene two - Maybe to help raise money for the child and myself, I decide to sell off parts of the old place I own. It is a small ranch (reminiscent of my folks' first small ranch on the outskirts of Austin, except on this one there is also at least one horse). Unclear where I'll live (with the child and dog) once major parts of this place are sold.

A woman (maybe in her 30s or early 40s), the prospective buyer, is pretty certain she wants to buy the parts of the place I'm selling off. She seems conscientious and competent, so I do not have real misgivings about her taking good care of the place once she owns much of it.

Nonetheless, I want her to really take seriously her responsibilities as the new owner (and I think, among a few other animals, these duties include the care of one or more horses). Once her mind is made up and she is definite with the agent that she is buying much of the place, I go with her on another tour of it. Within the dark interior of one of the old wooden corral or barn buildings, and as she is about to move on, I let her see me clothes (close) the doors to a couple stalls by simply pointing at them and having the intention that they be closed.

She is rather startled and alarmed to realize I am some sort of wizard or magician, as the doors, one by one, with a noisy shudder, close and latch themselves under my non-physical influence. I hope the message is clear: I'm not someone to mess with, and she needs to take good care of this place. I'll probably know if she does not.

11/9/14 - Title: "The Reluctant Learner"

Frances is patiently giving me a lesson in complicated procedures to hook up and use several hardware components of a digital network. I am reluctant. I also am frustrated and confused. She tells me again something about multiple connections between computers or laptops and a desk top, etc. She has me do a "run" of whatever it is we're trying to do. We have, it turns out, inadvertently omitted one of the connections, one of about 5-10 of them, but Frances says to go ahead with the operation. I do not understand why we can do without the omitted connection. One vital piece of info transfer is apparently not in play. She pleasantly encourages me to go ahead anyway. We'll see if we got what we needed without it, she indicates. I want one way of doing things that I can follow, step-by-step. Instead, I am getting an unlimited variety of options, and she's telling me to play it by ear, try it, and see how it goes, when I do not grasp the first thing about what we're doing! It is irritating and stressful. How can I possibly learn correctly, reliably how to do this under these conditions?

11/12/14 - Title: "Some Assembly Required"

I seem to be back in a sort of state employment unit situation, again working from an upper floor. Have just been given a memo, a copy of which has been given as well to all the employees of our unit and to those in all the other units. It calls for us to assemble as units outside our buildings (much as we had done in reality when there would be a fire drill or bomb scare drill). The memo had a little map or graph showing where, in or near the parking areas, each unit was to assemble. I did not really understand where my unit was to meet outside, but figured I'd follow others who did know when the time came, toward the end of our shift that day.

However, I lose track of time or get side-tracked while doing some other work activity and so do not notice when the time for assembly comes, only realizing a few minutes later that everyone but me had left the building. Folks are no doubt busy reassembling outside in their respective units and taking roll there. I would be noted as missing, which was not good. My supervisor and I do not get along that well anyway, and he would not appreciate that now he would need to see if he could find out where I was and get me to where I was supposed to be or else report up the line that he had lost track of me, which would not look good on his record with his higher-ups either.

So, I grab the memo and hurry outside, hoping to be able to quickly see or figure out where my unit was assembled and rush over there. No such luck. Hundreds of people are already assembled in little groups, but I do not see anyone I recognize, and I still can not figure out the meaning of the little graph on the memo to tell where I am supposed to be.

I ask somebody else in another unit if he could figure out where my unit is. He looks at the memo but does not figure it out either. He asks a few others assembled there, but nobody else could quickly figure out where I am supposed to be. Somehow my memo gets lost, and it takes me awhile getting it or another copy of it back.

I think about calling my supervisor on a cell phone, but realize I do not have his cell number with me, and I'd have had to go back into the building to locate it.

By this time, some people are on the move, evidently going to where some process is to be taking place, each unit participating in turn. I head after them, figuring the people there might at least be able to tell me where I am supposed to be. This leads to an adjoining building, and soon I find myself among the first ones in for the processing.

Sitting at her desk is a pleasant to look at woman with not much clothing on over her chest. She thinks she knows what I am there for. Before I have a chance to explain about being lost and not knowing where my unit is, she issues me a small key (which looked like my actual garage key). For some reason, she holds it momentarily against her chest (her boobs) and closes her eyes, as if this were part of the processing ritual, then hands me the key and tells me I had now been issued my locker, waving toward a bank of them not far away, and that this is the key to mine. I assume there is a number for my key and a corresponding one for my locker.

I still do not know if this key/locker issuance is a mistake and has nothing to do with what our units were being assembled for or if my new locker and key were in fact part in what all the assemblage had been meant to accomplish, so that I have somehow beaten my unit and supervisor to the punch in getting mine issued early, but at least I now have a locker and its key, which I did not have before, so this seems like progress.

Nonetheless, it'll of course still be necessary to get my absence from my unit sorted out, deal with my supervisor's feelings about that, and maybe also finally, belatedly get done whatever the outside assembly had been for, in case it were not to get new lockers and keys.

[My supervisor in my last state employment setting had been conservative, judgmental, and vindictive. The woman holding something against her chest in part of this dream no doubt is related to a silly card I bought for and am sending tomorrow to my slightly crude brother, Pete. It shows in cartoon form a well developed lady police officer standing near a driver and telling him whatever he says can and will be held against him, and him replying "BOOBS!"]

11/23/14 - Title: "Frances and the 3 - no, make that 4 - Bears"

Fran is in a natural area that seems like our backyard only bigger, as if this were a wildlife refuge and not just our backyard. I can see Frances from an elevated deck of our house. I start to yell "Hello" to her, as it seems like she is returning after being away, but then I notice three black bears out there, relatively close, like all at different spots foraging, but none more than 40-50 yards away. Decide not to yell lest it alarm them and maybe put Frances in danger. Then I notice a bigger, brown (grizzly) bear is out there too. I believe it is female, a little less massive than a male grizzly. Like the black bears, at first she is on all fours, apparently foraging, but she is much more energetic, rapid, and strong in her movements than the black bears. At this point, she has not noticed Frances, but she is only 20-30 yards away from her. I think Fran has noticed the brown bear, in any case is looking intently in her direction, concentrated, standing absolutely still. Fran is more or less in the center of the backyard relative to me. Most of the bears, including the grizzly, are to my left. There is nothing I can do to help Fran. I think about throwing a folding chair at the grizzly, but that probably would only have made her angry. She might then be more likely to attack Fran. I want to ask Frances what I can do to assist, but even speaking to her might make things worse. Even in the dream, I get very anxious that Fran is about to be attacked by at least one of the bears. There is nothing I can do about it. (I wake up, still distressed.)

[What's the dream all about? Assuming it's not about my wife herself, perhaps a warning that she is or may soon be in danger, it could be about concerns there'll soon be a bad bear stock market, at which point there'll be little I can do but watch the destruction (at least till, after it is well along, when we might buy up bargains with what reserves we have).

Frances as a character in my dream, the anima, likely stands for my emotions, unconscious, and intuition, so there's indication that I may be soon having a lot of strong, possibly negative feelings, though if so why is hardly clear from the dream.

Bears in dreams are typically interpreted, in Jungian psychology, as having to do with one's mother. Hopefully there's nothing literally about my mom that's the basis of this dream, for if so the result, causing a lot of upset, does not bode well for her.

What could the bears in the dream mean on a strictly metaphorical basis about me? I think of bears generally as relatively smart creatures, nurturing, benign from a human standpoint unless riled, yet dangerous if frightened or angered. So, again, maybe it is about the potential for a lot of bad feeling for an as yet unknown reason.

That does not seem to grasp all that the dream might mean, but is a start.]

11/30/14 - Title: "Trying - Yet So Far Not Doing"

I have a young woman companion or friend. During a visit or walk, am telling her about having blown my undergrad degree by not completing statistics, but that now I have gone back to school to finish the last course needed to get my bachelor's degree, only in this one too I have gotten behind and do not know, though I certainly intend to this time, if I shall be successful, even after years of trying, in finishing, or if that last needed course will once again have to be dropped and started again in yet another semester.

Meanwhile, there is a feeling of being overwhelmed, with too much to do in too short a time and of good intentions going unfulfilled, no matter what I do.

She is interested and sympathetic and offers good suggestions. She is rooting for me and in my corner. I feel like, with her support, though this will be very difficult, at long last I can do it, yet also at the same time there is a lot of doubt that I can sustain this confidence and determination and really do what needs to be done to accomplish my goal.

[The fact that in the dream my anima is positive is hopeful and suggests good integration and the posibility that I really shall be successful in overcoming some of the ego obstacles to real change. It seems to be an anxiety dream, and I do not know the real source of that anxiety, perhaps just the existential reality that I am getting older, closer and so closer to my death, and do not feel that some major life goals will be achieved, ones that would have helped me better feel this existence has been as worthwhile as it might have been.

On a less grand scale, the dream has apparent applications in my recent lack of success in adequately following a weight loss plan, so that I remain about 9-10 pounds heavier than intended, even though have been making efforts toward reducing that last few pounds for a couple years now. Similarly, have been meditating a long time, since the early 1970s, yet do not feel I have made any major breakthroughs or progress in my meditation for quite some time. Nor is the house cleaning and organizing, especially in parts of the place mostly under my control, like my bathroom or meditation room, showing genuine progress, but these are instead staying the same or getting a little worse as the years go by. Also, my journal keeping and posting have gotten bogged down and are, as well, showing little if any movement. Similarly lately with my investing plans vs. actuality. All of this is frustrating. Though I am hopeful, much time has gone by without a demonstrated capacity to push on through to true improvement in any of these areas.]

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