September, 2013


9/8/13 - Title: "One's Out and Another's In - A Learning Experience"

Much went before, but all was forgotten except for these two scenes:

Scene 1 - I am in some kind of college dorm or rooming house, having just come up a stairwell near my room. The stairs are open on the left as I ascended and are right next to the wall on the right. They are on the right side off an open, well lit, court-like area at the front entrance to the building. As I have gotten to the top, my door is first on the right, only a few feet from the top of the stairs. My simple, standard size door has been replaced by a new, all black one that is bigger (thicker and wider by at least half) than the one I was used to, and it has a big new lock, apparently a combination lock, built into its knob/latch assembly. Nobody has told me of this impending change.

I like my room and my privacy, plus easy access to my private space here at this 2nd floor (2nd story) location, but am immediately concerned that with the new lock, for which I lack any combination code, I may be locked out of my own place. I can see workmen in the area, apparently still putting the finishing touches on other doors and their locks/latches here on the 2nd floor.

I see Leila nearby. She evidently has been here awhile and is sitting and seems very much at home, amiably engaged, so I assume either she is now a student here too (or soon will be) or is on hand because one of her daughters will be starting school and residing here.

She greets me in her polite, chatty way, evidently in command of the situation, and is more knowledgeable than I about the changes that are occurring. I try the door to my room and am relieved to find that it is a bit ajar, so I do not yet have to use a code to get in. I am tired and so go on in intending to take a nap.

However, soon a downstairs meeting is called that I must attend, something about a party to be planned. I reluctantly leave and head downstairs for this just announced meeting, wishing I had more control of my life and were less at the mercy of people or rules that do not serve my interests or needs.

Scene 2 - I return upstairs to my room only to discover that Leila is in there and obviously has another woman roommate there, for there are two bunk-bed-size beds, one on each side of the newly organized room, which is now redecorated in a feminine, college co-ed way. There is no evidence of my stuff nor any clue as to where it might be.

Leila is again chatty, knowledgeable, in charge, definitely having manipulated things to have her way and be here instead of me now, but taking the attitude it was not her doing, that it's just the breaks, the school's rules and decision, but now I'm out and she's in, go figure, yet she's evidently very complacent and pleased with herself in having arranged this outcome.

I am confused, irritated, trying to maintain my cool and be polite, yet worried about where my stuff is and where my room is to be now, presumably some less convenient, much less private space to be shared with one or more other men. Under the circumstances, I'm depressed and not sure I even want to stay at this school anymore, yet suppose I can get used to whatever is in store for me here if I have to. Though I do not express it, I'm angry both with Leila and the school for putting me out of the place I had thought was mine for the foreseeable future.

[Of Leila, I'd say she is a sister-in-law of mine and is competitive, manipulative, controlling, back-biting, and insistent on her role as the "queen bee" of her clan, yet, so long as that role is secure, can be gracious, charming, creative, resourceful, artistic, and an excellent mother and grandmother to her growing "colony."

Clearly the ego and its more traditionally unemotional masculine rationality are not having a happy time of it, yet the ego is often wrong. Maybe he does "need" to go through a difficult learning and growth experience as some not so pleasant emotions have kind of taken over for awhile.]

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