December, 2012

2 5 13 14 24 31

12/2/12 - Title: "Seeing I to I"

I'm driving a big truck loaded with pallets of bricks through a hilly stretch of highway. The building materials need to be transported to their destination. Yet, they are also, in part, my payment for some type services rendered, and so mine. In response to a taunt by a brother, some comment that I am always looking out for myself, not doing anything for others, I decide that this one time I'll donate the load.

After driving through a low area, I progress up a steep incline, then stop at the top of the next rise and leave the load (not clear if it's the entire load or 2000 bricks, but it is enough to build a nice house, which I think would be a far higher number) at the top.

Others (relatives?) are coming and not far behind. For now, though, these are still my bricks.

I need to go pee and do so in a "bathroom" that is also an open stairwell. From the top of the stairs, while I look around an open area yet am peeing down into the stairwell, I can see in the distance women who see me, where I have left the bricks, and what I am doing from the top of the as yet open to the sky stairwell.

Thus we see each other looking across the distance at one another. I keep peeing and looking, but they appear bothered to have been caught looking at me and pretend to be doing other things and looking elsewhere, but are scandalized either by my bricks or my peeing or simply myself and so look back. Once more, we are eye to eye.

[The title suggests ego involvement as well as understanding one another, which in turn may mean empathy or compassion. 2000 would seem to be amped up dawning awareness. The way I am getting through life, driving a truck, indicates something building or growth-oriented (building materials). It also suggests ups and downs (moodiness or mild manic depressive disorder?) in my life. "Pallets" suggests small pal relationships (pal-ettes), perhaps such as attempted relationships with other Alanon members. It also suggests creativity and expression, if referring to a painter's palette. A big truck load could suggest carrying a lot of baggage. A highway perhaps indicates a high emotional or spiritual state, as does "the top of the next rise." Maybe the dream in part refers to Step 12 and a spiritual transformation from working the Alanon program and performing service (services rendered). The Alanon theme is enhanced by reference to the stairwell and being at the top of the stairs (steps).

There is a negative shadow, my taunting brother who complains I am doing things just for myself, implying apparently a wish that I would do things for him instead, that he would not need to work things out for himself or be responsible for his own welfare and growth.

Bricks can have negative as well as positive connotations, for instance if used as weapons, thrown in order to cause damage.

Having driven through a "low area" suggests recent sadness, grief, or depression, and, indeed, I have felt quite a bit of such emotions of late.

Peeing indicates verbal self-expression, maybe through inner dialogue, chatting with others, or journaling.

"Open to the sky stairwell" suggests receptivity to spirituality or at least an elevated outlook.

There are anima figures, representing my feminine side or intuition and feelings. They are scandalized yet curious and make eye (I) contact (a connection with my ego), and as such may be showing, by example or counter-example, right feeling.

There is in the dream an apparent shortcoming, a co-dependent intent to placate those who object to me doing things for myself, and want something for free from me, to make their lives easier in some fashion instead, by giving them a load of building materials that they apparently do not deserve on their own and which no doubt have been properly earned by me and so are not legitimately theirs.]

12/5/12 - Title: "Not Long Now"

I'm living in a house with Frances and my mother. Mom has not been spending a lot of time here (i.e. her influence is waning?), and I understand she's been hanging out with her boyfriend and is getting married to him soon. I figure I have plenty of time to get ready for attending the wedding, as it is not for several more days, but when I mention this to Fran and Mom, along with a jocular comment, asking Mom when we would get to meet this fellow, she said I'd be meeting him very soon and, by the way, the wedding was not in several more days but on the 6th, and, since today is the 5th, it meant just a day more to get ready.

[In a part of the Self of the ego and of my mother and Fran animas, the feminine energy aspect represented by Mom has been less a factor as she is about to be integrated with her animus, whom I have not met and who may be her "maker," since dreams of marriage sometimes are about death. Presumably this is not about my real mom but rather just about the Mom anima.

Today, like all days, we have but one day for whatever we intend to do, i.e. "one day at a time."

The number 5 suggests waiting and creativity. 6 may represent flexibility as well as strife. There is the idea of opposition or contention despite sincerity, though good fortune in the end if exercising caution. There will be a bad outcome, however, if pursuing the matter "to the bitter end." To me, this suggests it is not well to be concerned with "winning," only with finding the best resolution for all.

Of Frances, I'd say she is an excellent teacher, more a thinker than a feeler, and good at doing what she enjoys among a variety of keen interests.

Of Mom, I describe her as amazingly healthy and active for her age, addicted to alcohol, and often seeing herself as a victim.]

12/13/12 - Title: "New Guy Working for the Circus"

I'm a new guy working for the circus, part of a team or crew or troupe of clowns. I have a lot to learn and the ways things are done here are different than what I'm used to. The more experienced members of the crew or clowns try to tell me stuff, but I do not understand it or remember it, or they forget to tell me certain specifics, like a need for a left-handed catcher's mitt. Belatedly I try to go get properly outfitted, but my boss or supervisor, an emotional and kind of autocratic woman, says there's not time now and to resume my duties as best I can without the specialized gear.

12/14/12 - Title: "Such a Thing as Being Too Right"

I'm driving in a middle lane north (I think) on an interstate (I-35?) and am in a larger vehicle than usual, perhaps a van. In the right lane are two vans close to ours. I seem to be with someone. One of the other vehicles is tailgating the other, and they are moving a bit faster than I am driving.

One of these two adjoining vans pulls a little ahead of mine, followed closely by the other, still tailgating.

Suddenly, the van farthest ahead tips completely over to the right and disappears. (It's not clear if it falls away to the right or just magically is no longer there. For some reason, this is very disturbing, and I wake up.)

[Interestingly, this right focus dream immediately follows one with a left focus. I assume "interstate" refers to the inner state. My vehicle is a little larger than I'm used to, so maybe the way I am getting through life involves some growth to which I'm still adjusting.]

12/24/12 - Title: "Clogged Commode Dilemma"

I am in some type community of several men and women, a place somewhat foreign to me, kind of like a campground, but with more permanent than temporary structures. I use the toilet in my cottage (?) room. When I flush it, instead of it refilling partway up with clean water, it is as if I were at a very pebbly seashore as the tide is coming in, and the toilet bowl almost all the way fills up with smooth clean pebbles under just a small amount of water. I wonder how I'll get this corrected, and if I'll be blamed for it. I flush the toilet again hoping that maybe all the pebbles will flush away. Instead, all that happens is that some of them go deeper into the channel out at the bottom of the toilet, clogging it up too, and now there is a small depression in the top of the pebbles, but they are nearly filling up the toilet. Again I'm wondering how I'll get this situation resolved and how or if I can avoid blame for it. I figure I can scoop out handfuls of the pebbles, but so many are already in the system, likely with many more available to clog things up anew if I flush the toilet again, that it seems such efforts will ultimately prove fruitless.

12/31/12 - Title: "Supercharged Malevolence"

A nightmare in which several male (shadow) elements of evil become apparent and are winning in my earnest battle against them. Aspects of my self have already been taken over by them. They mock the good in me and cynically taunt the positive parts of me with their strength and our weakness. They are intent on surviving as evil and on destroying every good thing, especially in me, and are capable of horrific mahem (mayhem), magic, and even madness to accomplish their aim. It (is) as if I am contending with "The Devil" himself. As I see the destructiveness and the brilliantly evil virulence of which they, these alien men, are capable, I awake, quite shaken, fearful, bothered by the compulsively horrific images vividly lingering (yet fortunately already fading) from this dream.

[It is a time, if ever, for calling upon a higher power for peace and healing. Yet it is obvious too I must become more, not less, conscious of my own "dark side."

The misspelling of mayhem as "mahem" (ma + hem?) suggests the dream may have in part an issue about lingering metaphorical ties to a mother's apron strings or the hem of her garment. Perhaps the powerful, apparently destructive parts are simply more masculine aspects of me, the ego in this case more aligned at the time of the dream with the feminine (?). Or maybe that misspelling was merely coincidental.]

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