January, 2013

5 30

1/5/13 - Title: "Amazing Grace"

At a co-ed camp of some kind, with several thick-walled and "thick-doored" cabins or other smaller buildings, each suitable accommodation for from one to several (perhaps max. 5-6) people, a large gentleman offers me keys to one of the buildings, which I thank him for and utilize. I then plan to have sex with one of the young women there. Before I can, a zealous man rams my building with his truck. The walls are thick enough that I am unhurt and the truck badly damaged, but I leave since the door is now not able to be sealed properly there, and so it is not secure.

I explain the situation to the man who'd given me the key, and he is amazed, surprised that I am still sexually active and that women would want to have sex with me. He asks to know my secret. A couple of the young women have overheard us, and I tell him it is no secret, that I just make love to them and they enjoy it. There are now at least two women and three men in the building/cabin where we are, and one of them, a quite attractive young woman, offers to help me demonstrate, and even suggests that we might form a line or ring of people having sex with each other in various ways while he (the key man) watches or even participates.

Thus, I begin having sex with this attractive young woman. For this, she stands to my front, her backside fitting next to me (my front), spoon fashion, and somehow, in a manner not quite clear, the others line up and are connected with us too, in such a way that it is possible for all of us to be having sex in this line together. The orgy then forms into a circle of about five or more of us all having sex together at once. It feels great having sex and also being able to show the large guy how to be sexual even while older. The others clearly are enjoying the passionate line or ring of sex too.

1/30/13 - Title: "Worrying What Others Think"

Scene one - Have been on a trip or trips, driving a small car back and forth between Austin (my town) and Waco (my mom's). Fran and Puff have been with me at least some of the time. It is daytime and bright outside. (Much also that is forgotten, but...) There is a question about how best to present in the best light everything concerning recent and past events in our (my birth family's) experience. I think I have hit on a way to do it, but my mom does not agree, so now the whole presentation project is in doubt. (Something about...) Allen's story as part of the overall picture is especially difficult to acceptably include in a good light with the rest.

Another scene - A man (whom I don't know) lacks his own transportation. He is very upbeat, extroverted, and (insensitively? confidently? arrogantly?) just assumes he will be welcome when he proposes that he ride back with us to Austin in my and Fran's car. I do not like the idea and am glad that we have a legitimate reason for turning him down: our car is small and already full, with me, Fran, Puff, and our stuff. (For some reason) I feel partly responsible, though, for how this other fellow will get to Austin. I wonder if he could take the bus, but he seems to still be wanting to find a way it would work to go with us. Maybe some of our stuff could be shipped separately or retrieved on a later trip. I do not like that the matter is still unsettled or that I might need to go to extra trouble for this other fellow. Later I wonder why I can't just tell him "No" and mean "No."

[Of Fran, I'd say she is highly competent and confident, well organized, and straightforward about doing things she enjoys or that work for her, while not putting up with extra baggage or "shit" others might try to put off onto her.

Puff, as our dog, may suggest a conception of my higher power (dog = god?). She is highly extroverted, energetic, and playful.

Allen is a brother about 11 years younger than me. While I have not really been very close with any of my siblings, at times in our lives, particularly for a few years after our brother Ralph died at age 38, Allen and I were closer than I was with the others. Allen is an engineer, smart in some ways, but lacking in common sense in others, outwardly a very gentle man, yet prone to a lot of frustration, a good father, though tending to let his spouse walk all over him, so she is more like a third child than a responsible mate.

Of my mom, I'd say she is concerned with what others think, too often sees herself as a victim, is an alcoholic, and yet is remarkably independent and doing well physically and mentally for someone aged 90. Indeed, she still teaches chair and water aerobics and leads these programs at the local "Y."

Waco is a fairly conservative community but getting to be more cosmopolitan. It is my mother's birthplace and again currently is her hometown. Have more positive than negative associations to Waco. Have enjoyed many concerts, plays, recitals, etc. there, which I attended because of nieces and nephews' involvements. Also participated there in many family reunions. They have felt like mixed blessings.

Of Austin, I'd say it is liberal, too crowded and hot, but generally has much to offer and feels like home. I went to university here, got married here, had my earliest independence from my family years here, and most of my career and all my retirement years here. An easy place in which to find rewarding activities, social interaction, etc.]

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