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1/25/02-Ernie's birthday and my tonsil's taken out ether drip lanky lady zambia coffee beans so rich so full of herself challenge everything spinning silver liver hepatitis bee patient generations flowing growing outsider observing blues times eschatological intellectual humor child you have fractured my last funny bone camus' the fall breakfast blend passion's passed mediocrity couched in obscurity twenty-seven thousand human heartbeats in the average savage life for all the drama these verbal landscapes tears and hopes when they cease it's all over retirement the pleasure of driving on empty streets hormones synapse connections a billion billion mental snapshots before the final film tape's blank french roast cute new clerk in the supermarket cafe hawaiian chocolate java bump and grind vertiginous episodes she's history now brilliance and transient beauty a cold front blowing goose bumps on bare breasts inviting the warmth of intense intimate caresses out of control the aroma of hot freshly baked honey wheat loaves with royal jelly...
1/11/02-Brown squirrels in years past planted acorns in our yard from distant forests and we placed spineless prickly pear cacti in the ground in the front between the sidewalk and the street you're so blessed the woman said scalding chocolate coffee burns my tongue white from pink a cute black kid and his brother in our neighborhood coast by on yellow bikes whats ya doing he yells five days ago they were collecting itchy cacti leaves knocked off the plants in our yard left nostril stitched too tight smaller than the right can't clean my nose now four days ago a doctor over a five hour period did surgery on me three times my face then terribly sore but with no more cancer when we drove home caught and confronted the boys in a decade we've never seen anyone actually smashing them off nasal drip but can't get to it at its source bandages a barrier a month before I'd seen these lads a block away heading home from the direction of my residence bearing clubs and sure enough when I'd gotten to our house there were several newly whacked off leaves lying on the ground or in the road but I had no proof it was they who did it I started bleeding when I had to blow my nose the taut threads tearing at the flesh but before ever even being accused they asserted they had not been smashing the leaves off only gathering them from where someone had left them fallen early spring birds raucous sometimes life is too much trouble the changing of the dressing the inability to deal with so much as a simple sneeze without fresh blood bickering with one's most beloved they admitted the obvious only but far better than the alternative the left side too little now for inserting a kleenex or handkerchief for cleaning the days balmy in mid-winter not getting as much done as planned such skirmishes and interactions have been going on for over ten years aren't you blessed the toilet paper dipped in hydrogen peroxide crimson stained the destruction of our plants often impressive but so far only random the days rush by so quickly oak trees dotting the property now green with abundant new leaves then deep red with fall foliage or bare with branches swaying in cold front blue northers while the plants respond to their thick succulent leaves being torn away with fresh growth the snake slowly shedding its old skin thus the boys so inclined and the cacti tempting inviting them together do a violent dance the plants thrive under such abuse and the prepubescent children indulge their moments of adrenaline fury as predictable as furry rodents burying for the future in time the plants mature while the lads grow into teenagers and young men and forget their frivolous destructive passions still almost blind but vividly beautiful in new markings snakes plants and boys keep getting bigger since the first such mayhem we've seen many come and go while we've been here this pair too will grow up and leave just spreading grass seed I respond...
1/5/02-What if as kierkegaard suggested mothers weaned their infants by making their breasts grotesque what if every time you left extra food on your plate someone died what if sex were as natural as breathing and whenever someone speaking for religion said it was bad the raunchiest escapades of that person's life were immediately visible for all to behold what if people really loved one another and cherished and encouraged each to become the very best that we could be what if as one wag said death were the beginning and copulation the end what if the sensation of moving about from place to place were no more real than dreaming and there were no dimensions except in our minds what if our individuality were just a figment of imagination in the one deranged brain what if time is more a jewel than a line what if we ate with the anus and excreted from the mouth what if everything as it is were perfect just so and without taking drugs we realized it what if you could hear as if they were as large as people drinking milkshakes the sounds of spiders, leeches, ticks, lice, chiggers and miscellaneous bugs sucking out the juices of their prey...
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