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2/14/02-Silly white spooks floating cavorting at the ceiling like the amusing harmless ectoplasmic events from ghostbusters isn't that odd I thought and me not believing in the afterlife I wonder why they're oozing out of the light fixture maybe I should call an electrician just then there was a knock at the door come in and my late brother ralph entered a look of mild distress on his visage but you're dead I said it's no big deal says he I just need a place to stay for the night I pulled out the sofa bed will this do nicely he allowed and we chatted some time quickly passing it seemed quite natural to be discussing this and that as if twixt the living and the expired there exists no barrier save in our heads well I sighed at length don't know about you but it's my time for bed oh I'll be fine here he said it's really all the same to me since I'd died how did you happen by this way I enquired there were some whiffs of anger and its smoke in my present capacity I'm a fireman he explained but then why did you stop here I persisted where there's smoke you know there's ire he dilated during the night I got little rest aware of him just on the opposite side of my wall as he'd been while he dying lay on my watch listening through the two open doorways for his next struggling breath inhaled held sometimes as if forever exhaled he wore in life toward the end a mischievous grin though in more serious and lively epochs he'd regaled us with conflict on sin now 'twas of no particular consequence like software programs he'd say simply the way things were written come what may the joke if any was on us all the while in our hefty baggage expectations brimstone pyre now they send me yon and hither though its more like a breeze that takes me I just go his presence across the partition like a balm healed my disquiet as a mother her babe with close comfort and a soothing song in the morning when I looked without surprise I saw of course he was again gone...
2/12/02-These books composed music words all this money law art food insurance shelter private car utilities a geography of secure distance from the immediate present the reality of suffering and death of an infant at the breast the bee sting the smell of a honeysuckle blossom a great storm virus fatigue the time-lapse apple shriveling inevitable process of aging adrenaline mandated drives to violence against or union with another all the myths we make to relieve our fears or for control ideas half-baked we live in a sheer and fragile film of vapors so thin a large falling meteor would blast through it in seconds our own bodies insubstantial mostly liquid are hourly pierced by multiple powerful energy rays from unimaginably far places and times all our philosophies notwithstanding we are but intelligent vessels for the transmission and propagation of forms of DNA associated with our own but if that is all there is well it is enough and to expect more simply folly...
2/4/02-Moby dick and huck finn absolutely the finest works of fiction in american literature death's scythe sure and certain reaps the multitudes harvesting the hale and the infirm at once all phenomena merely temporary images on the flickering stage of existence when the house lamps dim all is darkness yet in that perpetual night resides the very vibratory source of all being life prejudice mind sex struggle loss vistas pleasure love pain and light metaphors for more though here no good nor evil no you nor me no close nor far no will be nor has been that which is simply is immanent the path to this knowing no trail to tread by no drug is wisdom imparted nor whiff of gas nor bended knee without passion dreaming speaking is this magic expressed but through the instrument of inner vision when well focused as in the brightness of the microscope's mirror all specimens reveal clearly behind everything in a single instant truth...
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