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12/27/04-Amid a curious and persistent holiday cheer there's a tiny fly buzzing 'round my breakfast fran's car is in the shop the new chronicle awaits I'm having coffee and the french toast special the waitress is perky and has a well shaped rear she smiles as she tops off my cup it doesn't make my day but I create stories in my head filling in the gaps lots of deep empty spaces my lip sports a new mustache the skin below is marred by a mottled tender rash frances wonders if actors can accurately see themselves as the audience does and as she can perceive what others hear when she plays her woodwind instruments a mental projection it took awhile to acquire there's a bit of stickiness when I bite down ominous of a new cavity maybe a need for a crown the roof job's pending over the weekend the biggest earthquake in forty years struck unleashing massive tsunamis multiple thousands have died just when I write this a customer drops a glass of water to the floor the splash expands with such force a little of it reaches me from five meters away in minutes by a happy worker's laidback efficiency all is cleaned up even dried while millions homeless from the great waves face malnutrition and disease their governments and relief agencies calling for desperately needed aid beneath a mere ten kilometers of comfortably breathable air hardly the distance from here to the river there in the middle of town we merry makers from moment to moment are merely at the mercy of the fates and furies...
12/9/04-My brother horace fourteen years younger and always having money problems called and asked that we get together then said he was concerned about mom and thought we ought to decide between us how best we might help her manage her medical care and financial nest egg sure I said we met at his office I drove two hours to get to it by the appointed hour horace and mom live a mile from each other his business is another couple or three miles farther he laid out what he saw as mother's recent lapses increasing reliance on him or chris his son for transport to doctors more drinking going to the bathroom when others were around without even closing the door for privacy completely blanking out on things driving erratically talking strangely the whole nine yards I agreed I'd noticed similar behaviors though only some of the time she's usually fine till late evening by when she's had several strong belts how much of it is just from the alcohol do you think I queried oh it's hard to say maybe half he guessed but by now even if she stopped the booze a lot of the damage is done plus old age getting to her as usual of course he sounded like he believed anybody over sixty had one foot in the grave we tossed it around awhile and agreed on a tentative plan encouraging her to give up all spirits and stick with it seeing how she feels about AA or even drying out in a rehab center urging her to consider a live in companion stopping in to see her or calling more often we could then see how it goes for awhile but horace said he wanted authority to look after her retirement assets and make decisions on her behalf without having to consult her well it would take some kind of a competency hearing a court order I'd imagine I answered we're not there yet and at that point I'd need to be involved in it too we could talk it over then but legally the choices made are ones I'd have to approve not the answer he wanted obviously he said nothing only stared at me with a mocking expression at length he asked with heat if I was going to start driving up from austin and taking her to her exams or emergency room visits too or was I afraid to get my hands dirty with the nitty-gritty stuff and just wanted the glamorous easy roles in looking after momma or her needs I don't want to argue I said if she wants my help or you need me to assist up here I'll work with both of you to resolve things as well as possible whatever seems in everyone's interest but as it stands now the will and other documents are clear on my responsibilities to spare his feelings a bit I added I was sure if it came to it he'd do a conscientious job for her and indeed maybe mom would change the papers to facilitate that he gave me a yeah right look and said he'd let me know when she next needed some johnny on the spot to look after things and keep her from doing anything else fucking stupid with our estate it's going to be a really long next few years I thought and woke up but on reflection all was just the same would that it were really only a dream...
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