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5/30/01-Paresthesias arthralgias diabetic neuropathy see you at the zoo zoo zoo capillary constriction saddle spurs chaps spats wide-brimmed hats bridle holster six-gun horse reins belt boots decorated blue saw a deer feeding beside the road in the suburbs returning from tex-mex vittles altercations with the wife differences over work work and ugly succulents pruning vs the natural look look look the squirrels are gnawing their way through the side of the house the boss so anal not at all a mellow fellow envying my nephew cleaning toilets in the mountains of colorado extremity pain blindness propeller blades wind for want of a little elevation yesterday in korea a helo disaster while lowering a sculpture into position on an historic bridge three dead crew the art destroyed too feel the power enter net portfolio decimated hunting goodwill this morning on the work way a strong persistent odor of pot near and after a traffic stop the dust of millennia collecting what is mu chronic pain syndrome the coffee shop's been changed gutted people of colorful crabs carol foresaw her death a month before told her son and sibling readied her will and estate all the particulars was instantly killed in the morning fog in mexico with a soul sister friend when a long-haul trucker lurched out of his lane and hit her little car head-on san antonio dreamin' the horny toads and muggy summer days at night luna moths and hissing caterpillar sphinxes in junior high michael my best enemy repairing his dad's mower in a vice a tiny spark gasoline explosion crawled to a neighbor's burned over half his skin off months in hospital went to see him did not know what to say until you're fired...
5/23/01-Meetings at the fat trough corral countdown the door thuds the end of the house shakes all's not right half eaten carcass let now your pen scrape forward further only if you really have on that line a worthy catch drudgery and insecurity under the one may seem as good as the other vessels float and fill up with plaque chamber maid night rain on the surface is capitalism being spread too thin to still be competitive with socialism democracy too sheer to stand up to totalitarian fanaticism kierkegaard said to get the baby to want to leave off suckling you must make the breast uninviting like opening scenes from fantasia thoughts images remain superficial like republicans soon or in two thousand two about to lose control of the senate like scoring at the movies trudy's pregnant again cornucopia ouspensky held that most use imagination as a kind of sleep a waste of existence so poetry is only of merit as it points to that beyond itself to that which is essential basic before all words and their rhymes rhythms or reason our individual lives like toadstools or mushrooms of much larger mycelia make their brief appearance and depart while the fundamental being persists varieties of religious experience cuddle fish fumes fill the house plague carrying rodents thrive the day of the grasshopper wet floor ooze about between the surfs and tidal pools for perhaps a half a billion years or so at great depth perhaps between the trilobites and ancient egyptian mummies lowly forms waiting for vincent van godot to breathe lust for sexual reproduction into myriad passionate organisms huge water bug roaches scuttle there and here oedipus did not tear out his own eyes as was thought but went blind from too much seeing did he go then to the land where cain and abel found their wives is he wandering among us still precipitous fall humpty dumpty never together again pets and other brothers karamazov penguins seals whales in the supercooled arctic waters that control gaia's climate taking a leadership position adrift frenetic primordial amorphous creatures legless headless sea horsemen without even a digestive tract to fully know truth you must meditate and go within or if you prefer with a few whiffs of glue ether whiteout pure carbon dioxygen lighter fluid nail polish the world and all we know disappears in a roar and rush manic all that is shares the vibration that is the sound and essence of but a single cosmic string or thread with which is woven the seamless garment without beginning or end from which of which all are kith and kin a horrendous crash the man a froth of bloody pulp from a wound in his face screamed out his anger and fear not ready to die not ready to die he did the protochordate by a twist of sour lemon fate was eaten before developing into upright opposable thumb wielding balls carrying bag beings with backbone and a cerebral cortex...
5/16/01-Induction slow quiet introduction after his intimate and kissing massages of her soft smoothness and choicest bits and her tonguing him to raise the flag attention they may switch position to her on top eyes glazed over entranced crotches sweating dancing together conduction to a rhythmical percussion of full swinging breasts slapping against her chest hotter than a sikh farmer laboring in the punjab's molten midday summer sun that slurping sucking sound when she's really wet kneading her butt flesh pulling her thrusting on in his artistic fingers tense playing the nerve bundle keys slowly from nether regions on up her spine to crescendo his probing maleness and ass hard as a fresh baked and newly glazed over statue rectal sphincters relax release unbidden aromatic bouquets primitive wind instrument blasts fire off a short overture like slowed down yet eruptive whale songs with primal final screams turbulent waterbed waves subside...
5/9/01-Burning knotted muscle tears and tendon strain ha ha ha ha ha reflex sympathetic dystrophy we're so sorry violin string song tightly strung ha ha ha ha ha rapid breathing urinary urgency english countryside men relieving themselves in public benign prostatic hypertrophy when did people begin to be shy about where and when they pee and shit even today in many places it's OK after sufficient ethanol or drug consumption attention to tension stomach water table of contents focus on the pain hyperventilation weathered wormwood west wing israeli arab conflict each side using its child casualties in a propaganda war as old as history and the nuclear family but god's on our side and america in our corner which is for now almost as good as predicted the crusades go on long before european christians evolved out of the dark ages for want of candlelight and mediterranean sun and long after jews were scattered like so many other tribes in diaspora to the four winds out of the fertile crescent the palestinians and other islamic adherents who possessed those holy lands preserved developed and nurtured science government mathematics law art technology literature trade education medicine languages at their zenith for the day ironic that we now have the means to temporarily hold sway against these peoples and their natural territorial claims we owe greatly to their cultural ancestors we like they are often led in our policies by religious zealots let us proselytize let us dominate let us worship the god who rewards bigots just like us and let us prey...
5/5/01-Runaway effect threats greenhouse gas emissions dali anus wrinkle fetishes folding space black holes singularities there's an eighty percent chance of dust and sandstorms with drifting dunes and three hundred mile an hour winds but we may just be forestalling the overdue return of intense cold in the current ice age cycle people if any during the next millennium may have a much better idea what's really going on our babysitter not mine really but for the younger ones had buck teeth but a really keen caboose and a couple of sweet cream dispensers guaranteed to fan the flames of pre-teen ardor out at oneida lake she undid her top to expose milk white jugs to the northern sun's briefly broiling rays and my spellbound gaze puberty began early for me and I wore my shirts long and outside to overhang my jeans front bulges that were always inopportune as in class while imagining kissing such ample pulchritude just as the teach calls on you to stand and tell why lee may have been the true hero of the war between the states who could have directed an ongoing guerrilla campaign with the north but chose the good of the nation instead at night with lights out I used my binoculars to watch mary a pleasantly matured senior whose upstairs bedroom window was directly across from mine and whose light was still on undress and dance as if for my benefit and bed...
5/1/01-Pale yellow full moon floating just above the horizon from violet dusk he was sinking below dark green waves entwined in the tentacles of a giant jet black sea cyclops his brown torso drawn inexorably toward its remorseless alien blue beak his mind in shock catatonic waiting praying for a last second reprieve final white bubbles escaping pink aerated lungs that begin to fill they say there's a tiny capacity for still gill-like respiration in sea water not nearly enough in a relentless submarine embrace your life may flash across your inner eye in such moments ahead of death because the body reacts to extreme danger with surges of adrenaline which activate our keen sensitivity to even internal stimuli and of oxygen rich red blood corpuscles rushing to the gray brain as defenders to a castle keep so that our synapses in a storm of association overwhelm us with multicolored images the sites for memory among others frantically signaling every message that may be found surely somewhere in all these intense emotion laden images lies the answer to the riddle of how to save oneself from imminent demise too much information submerges the ego rocky mountain high to the tenth or higher power while we may not find the means for actual release in a final moment of unity a true appreciation of all that has gone before we expire...
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