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7/29/01-France the new millennium e-mail net met lovers tall intelligent handsome playful college-bound both hearing-impaired poetic spontaneous body sign language highly literate in sensual landscape communication she adored his soundless touch and gesture-conveyed aussie accent he thrilled to her aromas of arousal iraq the winter of ninety-one lance of rarified alloy and composite construction pierced the lower atmosphere and rocketed earthward seeking soft resistances for penetration and explosive final bursts america in the summer of sixty-four the police picked up the confused middle-aged black man after a routine complaint he had been acting strangely likely due to ketoacidosis though no one knew that then at age twenty clad in psychiatric hospital whites I checked him in about two in the morning no one could tell me his name no doctor on our graveyard shift at two forty-seven from his communal room I heard no shout but the musical percussive crash of empty bedpan on the floor and rushed back down the hall heart attack no one had taught the staff CPR the other patients slept or looked on for long minutes as final pain spasms distorted his features I had phoned the duty nurse busy with acting-out terminal syphilis inmate two floors below at length the elevator opened slap slap of running woman's shoes on the linoleum she appeared flustered at the double crises and way too late the on-call physician arrived at his leisure and pronounced our john doe dead at five-fifteen myocardial infarction exacerbated by presumed hypertension diabetes and stress dependent lividity the no longer flowing blood had settled on the lower next-to-bed side of his limbs coloring them blue before the morning crew clocked in I wheeled him down to the basement morgue on a handy gurney another free bed...
7/23/01-Stupit dead sheep ripenin in the sun flies buzzin stomach bloated got that brain fever gonna have ta shoot ever las one a them dad blastit stupit head a sheep butcherin in the hades hot sun mound a guts white an red on the hard dusty brown patch a parched earth stinkin like everythin roll em in the wheel barro haul em on down the hill bury em like they's some body yu'd pray o'er vultures flyin o'er roun an roun low this hole's takin forever maybe should jes let the buzzards at em keep on keep on keep fuckin shovel broke shit go on back git another rusty ol good fer nothin no account splintry handle digger come down that hill agin rottin flesh rope guts flying jerkin this way n that scavenger sausages cover't o'er in black feathered frantic frenzied fightin fowl tuggin tearin flyin dodgin dartin bitin fire my twenty-two an hit a couple others raise up screamin dumpin acid shit bird poop they fly after one with long string a bleedin shit tube fallin sheep flesh here n there fire my gun agin go git the fuckin stinkin bloody guts n bring em all back an keep at the diggin damn hole takin fuckin forever gonna smell like rottin mutton fer a month...
7/17/01-Buildin maintenance the chairs arthritic thumb bum pa rum pa pum pum ring of energy around the mouth pa rum pa pum pum san francisco quake the work obsessed with sex pa rum pa pum pum seein auras like lookin through you you're so afraid curled up dog hoggin the soft pillow talk incessant inner voice restless chatter unfocused swirled feel count watch the exhaled breath driven drunk as in a dream forgotten dyin man bleedin in the ravine silent eyes open scream through your ears fears tears synanon rattlesnake pain if you do that again we'll fuckin kill you you're not insane blame the rain as well him as another hot moist livin thang here in the south score some weed gypsum crash the party turn over a few bars cars makin love in the mud of a warm dryin up swimmin hole sun bakin on your back jack frost inside the freezer scrape off makin it ice cream cherry float tote sing yana yaa yana yana na na na na na yana na na naaaa yana yana na yana na na yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
7/8/01-Tension release wag the dog she's so insecure she looks to me for reassurance crocodilia bit a lady today in mississippi who was walking her pet she's jest lucky they didn't get et yur so silly ya think everything revolves around you smoke joint ache why do I have to explain everything to your satisfaction windows upon the soul the universe and inner realms folks think everything they can see belongs to them but we are not gods or close we're not even the stuff most matter that matters is made of giant scorpion water bugs eat dragonfly larvae frogs even catfish they're the wetland thugs when you no longer feel pain wake up are you insane if not you're dead already been slain your time here gone again did you learn anythang this time you've left the station for the last ride on the mystery train too late to let on you didn't even purchase a ticket did you loser man when you close your eyes in a pitch dark room at night with no moon during a blackout and still see a faint bit of bright about your limbs your fingers shining through your eyelids directly into your brain your torso a pillar of soft white you're either radioactive crazy or witness to the trail of cold dark matter particles without charge gently jostling your atoms that makes them give off a barely noticeable whisper of light a million billion times a minute alright can you hear that primordial sound from which all came that ever was before everything can you perceive the original afterglow of the big bang...
7/1/01-Jesus christ son of a bitch handfuls of hair pulled parried words anguished to hear slash tear precious meditative glimpses inside of eternity fingers caress grope gouge tongues lick feet stomp kick fracture perfection unveiled disrobed though ordinary experience obstructs the voyeur view beaks stab blood spattering beautiful breasts miserable failures on compatibility testes post-coital feeling as a contraction a closing down a withdrawal tusks thrust and sensual spear we carry 'round with us our own spiritual cups of elixir lusts ever replenished fists hurl punch smash altercations never finished rainfall welcome faster harder sadistic romps she likes it on top talons' razor sharp slice within that greater voluptuous being there is one species whose hubris it is to see itself himself herself as para-mount the background patter pitter blocking out all other outer fecund sounds but cuddling dove cries canines' rip and tear red rivulets upon your torso and face from the in-between realm twixt sleep and wake magic knaves swollen maidenheads bash concuss guns engorged knives cleavers give chase poisoned atmosphere rape maim murder time inexorably sphincter constrictor-like squeezes off possibilities gradually shutting down to one advanced primate potential and then to none at all opportunities receptive horns gladiators gore to multitude shouts of more and more frenzied delirium as if each bacterium were narcissistically assuming all things to be revolving about its existence as the purpose and focus of the entire drama while others suffer loss and mourn the human race perhaps alone knows that each and all are under sentence of death release seeking advantage cursing placing a hex maybe only among Homo sapiens do mating pairs sleeping and living together violently vehemently fight hot-blooded unplanned attacks our lungs do not as we have thought individually each person breathe in air so much as they are breathed in and out through or the numberless cells enriched oxygenated enlivened by and a part of a single biospheric orgasm how we love to hate the opposite sex...
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