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March, 2010: 1 23 30

3/1/10-Mon.-Have stopped for breakfast at Chick-Fil-A while waiting for my car to have an oil change at Wal-Mart. Later I shall see if I can take our tax records over to Fran's and my CPA, for him to prepare our 2009 tax return.

Yesterday I went to my dream group meeting. Things went well overall, but, not for the first time, I felt that the group's leader put an arbitrary negative spin on my dream, then justified her projection to others in the group as if it were based on what she knows about me, i.e. though what she saw was not actually there in the dream. I do not really see what she saw in it, that I deliberately set up angry conflicts or confrontations for the heck or orneriness of it, but then, as the ego, I would not. However, since another person in the group challenged her on that interpretation, I feel I have more grounds for thinking this is mainly an example of her prejudice coming through, just as earlier, for well over a year in fact, she kept on saying negative things about Frances, though for me there was not a basis (for her publicly putting my wife down) in the dreams, and I had let her know I disagreed with her assessments. She had only met Fran briefly and once and, from my point of view, ought not to be judging someone for long afterward based on such limited past info. Her claims to objectivity, in the face of indications to the contrary, to me expose a flaw in her capacities as a dream analyst or counselor. Nonetheless, she is a good teacher generally in things related to dreams and their meanings, and one may usefully learn from her. I do think, though, that some others, Janet, for instance, tend to see whatever she says through unquestioning lenses or "rose colored glasses."

I have a similar skepticism about her astrological pronouncements, which often get in the way of the dream interpretations. Yesterday, not atypically, Sonya and I had a large group and 9-10 attendees' dreams to get through. However, more than once she would go off on extended tangents, and encourage others there to as well, about what the planets' and moon's positions meant for our endeavor overall or for particular dream interpretations. These, to me meaningless and distracting, asides took up enough time that a few of the folks there did not get their dreams considered. I did interrupt the astrological talk at one point to get things, from my point of view, back on track and see if we could do one more dream instead. This was successful, but my interruption may have helped confirm Sonya in her dream assessment that I try to "set up" potential conflicts. If so, she is conspiring in the set-ups as well. Am I justifying myself in an unwarranted way at Sonya's expense, when I maybe should just let her lead the group as she wishes and assume it is better that way? I clearly lack objectivity. I do not think so, but in fact do not know.

3/23/10-Tues.-Had my first face-to-face meeting with my new (male) Alanon sponsor yesterday. It went well, but he is wanting more commitment, in terms of frequency of contacts, than I had anticipated. May have trouble managing my time for all he expects in that regard amid an already crowded agenda. Some anxiety about this situation, though I figure it is mainly a matter of adjustment to the changed circumstances.

This morning, I went for my newest "nose job," my fourth nose skin cancer surgery and reconstruction. Spent several hours at the doctor's office.

Tonight, if I still feel up to it as the anesthetic wears off, I plan to go to my Alanon Men's Group meeting.

Added later. In fact, I was in such pain after surgery, especially since the local anesthetic was wearing off during the long final procedure - so it got rather interesting in the last several minutes - that I needed to take a Vicodin once home, and the instructions say one should generally not drive while on that medication, giving me then a good excuse not to go right back out, 45 minutes after getting home, to fight the traffic back up north to my Alanon meeting. Instead, once home I called four other Alanon members for some pleasant, casual chit-chat and e-mailed another.

3/30/10-Tues.-Went for my latest skin cancer surgery today, on this occasion to remove a lesion next to my right eye. Despite the long hours at my surgeon's office, the experience was a piece of cake compared with last week's. And although there was a wait between surgeries, there was also time for a cafeteria lunch. I got home by about 4 P.M.

Yesterday, I had my second face-to-face meeting with my new sponsor. Among other things, we discussed at my initiative how often we are to get together or I am to call him. We worked out a better arrangement. Now, when we are both in town, I shall generally be seeing him every other Monday and calling him on the alternate Mondays, a more reasonable schedule from my point of view. He added it was OK for me to disagree with his suggestions. All in all, this is a relief, and things are much better.

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