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12/24/08-Copper turned green and glass fogged frames straw weave cleave voluntary rhythmic energy sex freud was right but so too jung lao-tsu whitman blake gurdjiev buddha like waves are we not separate like particles yes we are top tanks everything is practice ultra stimulation mega-population the last of the good old days yet we still make love get pregnant bear and rear our young in numbers not seen till this very instant chimes ring shouted rajasic music inescapable a billion five billion seven billion people on their own paths few truly sharing intimate experience below the screams the words the commercial interests the automatic ways we react and relate is a different realm equally relevant authentic simply real a million million perspectives what if we saw everything from eyes on the tops of our feet from inside our stomachs bowels or hearts our smallest cells the backs of our bums what if for awhile we might empathize completely with a donkey a hummingbird an ant a sperm whale an albatross a marmot a python a fish another person a gnat a paramecium a sun a gaseous planet an interstellar cloud how many more this moment sensations have we each in store if like most we are asleep dreaming or entranced through almost all how precious the balance though forbidding even boring in prospect things are ever changing and seldom as they look in a casual scan if we can but fool ourselves with what vigor we might invest each moment thinking as is merely true it may be the last...
12/12/08-Dusty dash steaming java a bad for health pleasure swimming pool colored firmament venus jupiter the moon in bright night sky array trembling cold short-haired dog despite her plaid coat final yuletide wal-mart shopping trip and there's lenny now wheelchair-bound an old colleague seen again volunteer options for early in the new year I once figured only to live to thirty-three later sixty coasting now and we shall see how far extends the pre-determined line of time a great master was born this date about the same year as my father and died the same year as my brother different fates yet all part of the plan though random seeming for any given expression of the phenomenal forces awareness in an ephemeral moment all we may pretend to possess things and creatures being just as they are all we may rely upon forgetting a bit more now not completely but when I need to retrieve it which amounts then to the same thing best laugh it off though realism could call for grief as well a list of complaints and dramas ready to hand dear brother he said to her and that easily her faith lapsed indian crows skittish at tea time alert cautious while scavenging biscuits at beds almost on the pakistan border low flying fighter jets roaring over this realm for all its beauty might be heaven's garbage pail swallowing the liquid enters the windpipe coughing brown fluid leaking out the nose bits of torn flesh wrenched from an inflamed larynx splatter on the porcelain already brittle bones leaching calcium the breath more shallow now cannot keep up with demands upon the system...
12/3/08-Youthful dreams for naught all one's hopes forgotten the river flowing still bright in a late fall morning's light a hundred million cares and wishes folly to consider freed now of suspense several decades hence the ledger of our lives unfurled like a flag of our personal events a parade of our sequential moments an almost empty bus of consciousness careens down the channels and canyons scored by memory across a mind's vast earlier expanse of potentiality a beach freshly smoothed by the incessant surf yet containing there in its apparently blank surface endless forms a phenomenal panoply of what may be but here the purity is rent perfection having succumbed to the tyranny of only this and not that implacably unfolding like writing upon the blank page what of loves of terrors of deep yearnings passions of dead friends futile ambitious worries over the wrong things immersed in the daily chimera the kaleidoscopic shadow play while beyond all words thoughts feelings missing the essence remember lily tomlin said we are all in this alone out of the blue a single call may transform the magic of the day and hurl us into the fun house yet autumn's colors are aglow the leaves swirling in a billion billion billion tiny tornadoes the bird flocks wheeling diving rising upon the eddies renewal promise redemption forever evolving time a succession of instants each a new beginning a second chance...
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